Tekken The Way It Was Meant To Be Told
by ProfessorHojotheGEN-I-US
Summary: And we finally have the ultimate showdown between Devil and Angel! Is your blood boiling yet! Who will win, and what the Hell are they arguing about anyway!
1. Kazuya Mishima

A/N: Tekken and all it's lovely characters belong to Namco Ltd. and all their little minor companies and networks and such. I own nothing!

This is rated T, but there is some strong language and disturbing images. Just warning you, ya know...just in case.

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Of Purple Suits and Child Hood Trauma

I never really got along with my father. He was a major ass and looked like a crazed clown who had escaped from the circus. No really, he did. Plus, he threw me off the side of a cliff. Yeah, that's right, on purpose. Like I said, major ass. He's the king ass in fact. Ya know, if there was a kingdom of asses he would be their king. I hate him so much. Plus, he smells funny. I don't enjoy people who smell funny. By the way, I'm Kazuya Mishima. Not like it matters to you, but this is the story of my idiotic father and his fruitless attempt at trying to make me jealous and bitter. First of all, I was already bitter and, secondly, I could _never_ be jealous. Not of anything.

Well, you probably want to know why my father flung me off that cliff in the first place. Truthfully, I think he's crazy. Who throws there son off a cliff? Michael Jackson didn't even do that! I would have gladly been hung over a railing any day. But I digress. I basically got that the only way to make me stronger was to throw me off some damn cliff and come back alive. Couldn't he have thrown me over a cliff with a river down below? Or how about some pillows? Seriously, couldn't he try some kind of 'fear factor' treatment and _pretend_ that he was going to throw me off? Well, insanity runs pretty deep in this crazy old fart and tossing a child over a cliff probably made him as giddy as a school girl. So, anyway, I live (barely) but not before swearing my soul to the devil in order to live and get revenge on him. Eargh! He makes me so mad that bastard! So, whatever, I swore that once I got out of the trench I was going to go live on my own and take my revenge out on him one day. It was the perfect plan.

After climbing for days and barely reaching the top I realized that there was no way I was going to make it on my own. I had no money, no clean clothes, and no means of transportation. Crap, now I had to go back anyway. I really wanted to surprise the old man into thinking I was dead and then come back about 20 years later, scare the crap outta him, and then precede to beat him to death. Oh well, he probably didn't think that I was going to come back anyway. This surprise will be good, but not as good.

So I finally make it back to the house and knock on the door. No one answers and I'm pissed. I knock a little louder and when still no one comes I bust in the door. Ha, suck on that ya creep. And I walk into my room. I'm in shock to find that all my possessions have been removed and there's my dad, soaking in a hot tub, listening to classical music, eating some bon-bons.Well, doesn't he just look comfy cozy. He makes me sick. "Heihachi!" I scream getting his attention, "What the Hell's wrong with you, you bastard?!" Apparently, he didn't expect to see me because he freaks out, screams like a little girl, starts running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and trips over the cord to the jukebox he was listening to. Now I'm graced with a glorious image of the man's butt. How lovely. I think I'll go pick my eyes out now.

After he recovers and grabs a damn towel, he comes real close to me, dripping water all over, and pinches me extremely hard on both cheeks. "Well I'll be damned!" he exclaimed, "You're alive! That's my boy!" He said it all sincerely, but I could see the look in eyes said something else entirely. Yeah, he was pissed. Finally, I've been waiting awhile for this. Him not happy! With me! I really couldn't be happier! Well, ya know, unless I had a dad who really cared about me and would never throw me off a cliff, but, whatever, ya gotta make due I suppose. I didn't know what he was getting at, but I had a huge dinner, warm bath, and went to bed peacefully (after he read me a bedtime story no less). It scared the shit out of me. 'What the Hell is he doing?' I thought to myself. I couldn't figure out the answer, but, whatever, I don't care about him. He isn't even a father to me anymore. While I was thinking all these perfect thoughts about ways to kill him, he finishes the book and turns the light off. Well, he _went_ to turn the lights off but came back and gave me a kiss on the forehead. Agh, it was the most disgusting kiss I've ever received. It was all spitty and smoochy. And it sounded wet and lingered even after he'd gone away. You know the kind, they suck. They are the most disgusting kisses ever. Lips were not made to lather with spit and cover another person's area of skin. I don't care if they want to lather up to slobber on their own skin, but putting it on anyone else is gross to the extreme. I decided to disown him after he did that. Yuck, may he never do that again. _**EVER**._

I spent the days following hating my father, training to kill my father, and going to school to be away from my father. Of course, I could never really be away from my father considering that he owned the school and had huge golden statues of himself all over the place. It was like having a giant blundering idiot watch you wherever you go. It was also insanely creepy. I never got used to it. I swore he watched me from the dead, lifeless eyes just waiting. Waiting for an absolution that would never come. Plus, everyday from 2:00 to 2:15, Heihachi would give a long detailed report of his day and how everyone should strive to be him but in reality never could because he was "off the shizzle fo' sho' " and no one could ever live up to his sexiness. My classmates hated him, hated me, and I hated them all, my dad included. They'd give me horrible glares and I'd just glare right back. Most of the time people backed down, but one kid didn't and, needless to say, he's not glaring at much of anything these days. Hell, he doesn't need to blink anymore.

Most days I would come home and train with my father a bit, do my homework, eat dinner, and then train on my own when he was asleep. I did many things when he was asleep. For instance, one time I snuck out and toilet papered the house. He was really pissed and then I realized that we had surveillance cameras and he found out I was the one and I was tied to my bed for 3 days for punishment. Another time I took butter out of the fridge and melted it in his shoes, put cheese in his nice coat pockets, put saran wrap on the toilet seat, buried his pants in the backyard and then turned the sprinklers on, set his hair on fire, tied him up, changed all the food around in the kitchen, and... well, I did a lot of stuff. I knew he knew that I did them all and was punished for it every time. Truthfully, I was surprised that he didn't kill me. The punishments were never very pleasant, but the thought of the look on his face when he discovered what I did made it all the sweeter. In fact, one time he threw me in his closet and locked the door and that's when I discovered my love for sneakers. I started collecting them and the first pair I found was this nice shiny black pair with silver and gold trim. I named all my sneakers to give my collection more meaning and this special pair of shoes I named 'Twah'. It was a glorious day.

Basically that's how my life went for many years. And then I came home from school, like any other day, and there was no Heihachi to be found. I looked in a couple places and was delighted to discover that he truly was not in the house. Hell, he might even have been dead! I was so happy I didn't know whether to cry or laugh insanely for a good few minutes. Coincidently, both happened. But I was still happy and no one could see me so I was going to laugh and cry until I didn't have tear ducts and my throat went soar. Unfortunately, I never got that far because I finally heard the voice of that odious one. "Boy!" it screamed, "Get your ass down here and say 'Hello'!" 'Say hello?' I thought, 'To what? His little friend?' Now I really thought he'd lost his mind. I was a tad scared to tell the full truth. He'd probably been training attack dogs to dismember me on call, or maybe he had a team of sniper's waiting...maybe he'd built clones of himself in order to take me out that way. The more I thought about it, the more I did not want to go downstairs. So, after wandering around for about 30 minutes, I finally wandered into the main hall. And there he was, standing in all his creepy glory looking quite perturbed. I looked around him and saw nobody and nothing. Now I thought that he was going to introduce me to his imaginary friend or something. Peachy. When he saw me he came bounding over and shoved a picture in my face. In my mind, I swore he was going to give me the nastiest paper cut in the world right across my neck so I could bleed slowly to death in front of him. So I squeezed my eyes shut and prepared for the worst. "What the Hell are you doing, Boy?" he practically screamed in my ear, "Say Hello". I opened my eyes only to find a very dirty street urchin picking food from a garbage on the picture. Okay...now what? "Say HELLO!" I looked at my father in disbelief and started walking away. He grabbed me and threw me into his state-of-the-art jet and we were off somewhere. "Where the Hell are we going? What's your problem?!" "Sit down, shut up, and eat some peanuts. We'll be there before you know it". Well, I didn't sit down or shut up (the peanuts were good though) and I screamed and kicked and fought because I was scared that he was going to take me to a concentration camp or something. And I still had no idea why the hell he'd shown me that picture! He caught me somehow and tied me down with duct tape including to tape my mouth shut as well.

When it finally came time to unwrap me, I realized that we were in China. Why the Hell were we in China? Was my father going to buy it or something? I don't really know, but he was Hellbent on going somewhere. He dragged me through crowds of people, into restaurants, and around alleyways. I was getting really dizzy really fast. He stopped so suddenly that I went slamming in the brick wall that he calls a back and was knocked out instantly. It was totally black and I hoped that I was dead. Then I stated to smell something really funky. I knew that this must be the smell of Hell. It was so horribly putrid and rancid it couldn't be anything else. In a way, I was happy. I was finally away from that beast even if I was dead. Then his voice cut through the silence: "Get up, Boy, and say hello!" Ugh, not that 'hello' crap again. I opened my eyes to see the dirtiest child I'd ever seen peering down at me. Oh my God, he was the cause of the smell. I felt like barfing all over, plus, I was now dirty from the fall, so I wanted to go barf on my father's shoes to make him dirty as well. Then I saw my father talking to the dirty little imp. I don't know what he was telling him, but he kept looking over at me. I thought he was telling the little creep how to kill me and I was about to take action until the little boy comes running over, throws his arms around my neck, and says, "Hello Brother". ...What?...WHAT?! I had no idea what to say. What could I say? I had no idea I had a brother! He looked nothing like my mother **_or_ **my father! I was freakin' out man! Then my dad smacked me across the head and told me that we were going to adopt him so now he was my brother. I fainted after that. It might've been from shock, but I believe that it was from the smell. Ever heard of a shower, kid?!

I woke back up at the house in my own bed and everything. 'Maybe it was a dream', I thought to myself. It had to have been. It was too bizarre not to be a dream. So I sat up to gain my bearings and smacked my head right into someone else's. Low and behold, it was the stinky street urchin. "What the Hell are you doing?" I screamed at him. Seriously, why was he that close to me? I know I'm hot and all, but that gives him no reason to kiss me in my sleep. Of course, I had no proof that he was going to but, I don't know, he looked pretty suspicious to me. Anyway, father must've cleaned him up or something because he didn't smell so bad anymore. And he was wearing new clothes...no wait, those were my clothes. I lept off the bed and tackled him to the ground asking him who the Hell he thought he was and why he had my clothes on. He looked at me like I was killing him and then punched me. HE punched ME! I was so pissed, but I got off of him and let him explain himself. He said he had no other clothes and that "our father" had lent these to him. I didn't care so much about the shorts, but the shirt he had on was my favorite. I spent years wearing it in and it was the perfect comfort level. You know shirts like that, no matter how old they get, you keep on wearing them until they get a hole that just gets bigger and bigger until you're basically wearing a rag and you have to throw it out, but then you only pretend to and put it in the bottom of your dresser where you can look at it all the time and remember all the good times you shared with it. It was that kind of shirt. And that little shit was wearing it. "What's your name, kid". It was a more of a statement than a question. "My name is Lee", he chirped. God, he seemed so scared and timid. I hoped it was because I lunged at him. Scared him shitless or something like that. For whatever the reason, he kept his huge globular eyes on me. It was the creepiest feeling.

At dinner, he continued to stare at me. So I threw a fork at him. He screamed and ducked under the table. Then my father hit me on the back of the hand with his food encrusted fork and rushed under the table to see if Lee was alright. I was so disgusted by all the food smeared on my hand that I didn't notice that Lee was crying until Heihachi brought him out from under the table. What the Hell was his problem, he's not the one who got hit with old man food particles and saliva. I felt so sick. This was worse then that kiss he gave me all those years ago. I looked over to see that Heihachi was soothing Lee and patting his back to make him feel better and stop crying. For some reason, I was furious. He NEVER treated me like that. Not _ever_. I went storming off to my room. The rest of the night I was up there wondering what the Hell made this adopted kid more important then me. It was almost as if he was trying to make me jealous. And that's when it hit me. He wanted to make me jealous! How dare he! But as I said, Kazuya Mishima doesn't get jealous of anyone or anything. And, so help me, I was not about to be jealous of this street child. No way. I'll play his game, that bastard.

It wasn't too hard to ignore and hate them both. I stayed out of there way and they stayed out of mine, for the most part. That Lee kid had a fascination with me and followed me everywhere. And I mean everywhere. I figured he was gathering evidence to give to my "father" in hopes of finding the ultimate way of making me jealous. Didn't work. I couldn't have been _less_ jealous. One day I came into my room after training (because I'd finally gotten away from him) and found him walking around with my sneaker collection on his feet. I was so pissed and asked him what the Hell he was doing. He just looked at me and smiled and said that they were all really comfortable. I shoved him out of the way and looked everywhere for 'Twah' to no avail. "Where'd you put the black ones with the gold/silver trim?" I demanded. "Oh yeah", he said, "Those ones were really cool so I decided to tear off the gold and silver for a school project and I used the black part to make a place mat for Father. I didn't think you'd mind. They're just sneakers after all, you can always buy more". A tear slipped down my cheek that day and I forever swore that I would hate Lee. Until the day I die and into the afterlife. I proceeded to beat him up in the name of 'Twah'. 'Twah' will forever live in my heart and in my fighting. But anyway, Lee got everything he could ever hope for too. He got more toys then me on Christmas and even my birthday, at fairs, he got to go on my rides, when we got ice cream, he got more scoops, and, even when we were training, he got all the best equipment. But I showed no signs of caring. I really had no reason to even be in this house anymore, but I was using everything free of charge so who was I to complain. All the pampering made Lee snotty and he began to not like me so much. Good, I didn't want him to hang around me anymore anyway. But, on the occasion, he'd come skipping into the room in all his prissy glory and say something like, "Guess what Daddy bought me" or "Look at all the stuff Daddy let me buy today". It was sick and wrong and my father's stupid plan was not working in the slightest. I think even he began to realize this when I didn't even twitch at the amount of love and gifts he was giving Lee. Hehe, this made him angry, distressed, and it gave him a very spoiled, whiny pansy to take care of. What a loser.

Finally, I was old enough to leave that God forsaken house and did so without saying goodbye to anyone. I know they knew that I hated them and I didn't care. They can just live for eternity in that house and love each other all day for all I care. They're both asses. I won't spare you the annoying details of my life, but I'll just tell you it was full of training and hate. And, truthfully, I was happy for the first time in a long time. Peace, quite, and serenity baby. Life was good. Then I hear that my "father" was planning a fighting tournament. I don't know why, it was probably to find me or something. Let him try and tempt me. I dare him. Well, he succeeded. I cannot believe he got me. The prize was not only money, which I needed by the way, but it was also to have power and control over the Mishima Zaibatsu. Oh, happy day. If I owned the company then I would rule over his sorry ass. Yes, I've been waiting for this. I trained and trained and trained some more. I figured it'd just be easier to kill him and get it over with and I was good with that.

So the day finally arrived and I was ready to go kick some old man behind. And let me tell you, there were some major freaks at this tournament. There was this one guy who was all business on the bottom and party animal on the top. Well, I assumed he liked to party because he drank beer all the time and he had an animal mask on his head. At least, I think it was a mask, but all he did was growl at people so...maybe he was a mutated human or something. Another guy had the most obscene hair I'd ever scene. It was layered on top of itself and caked with gel and hair spray. I hoped noone was going to light a match or anything or we might all blow up in the explosion. There were some robots, some Native American chicks, and my father's dumb-ass bear. Seriously, it was a freak show. My father fit in perfectly. And then there was Lee.

When he saw me, he was not pleased. He turned away from me and stuck is nose in the air and swayed away from me. I swear he must be gay. Anywho, to make a long story short, I won. I beat every single one of them and claimed the title as the first King of the Iron Fist. Oh, and to get complete and total revenge on my father, I lifted him up and threw him over the same damn cliff he'd thrown me over when I was but a wee lad. Oh, it felt so good. I felt as giddy as a school girl. I didn't let it show too much though. Gotta keep a professional air about myself now that I've completely ruined Lee's life and Heihachi's. Life was good.

I didn't do anything real special when I was in power. I performed the basics and lived happily and all that crap. The one thing I did do was buy a real fancy purple suit. I had it tailored to fit me perfectly and never wanted to stop wearing it. So I bought 99 more. They were so beautiful, I slept in a few. Plus, I looked snazzy and everyone knew it. But that's basically it. It was a tad boring.

So anyway, I issued another tournament for various reasons and prepared to beat down the losers from the previous year. All were back, not many new faces, but there was one girl that was quite cute. Oh no, I must be getting soft or something. I thought someone was cute. Anywho, she was there to stop me from doing mean things to animals or something and, I don't know, we ended up having sex. Hmm, yes. It was good. But enough about that, you don't need to know about my sexual excursions. I proceeded to beat everyone that got in my way and then HE showed up. Holy shit! I swore he died! I guess dying doesn't run in the family or something. We're all just annoying cockroaches. And then, in a moment of confusion, he BEAT me! HE beat ME! And then, he threw me into a volcano! What the fuck is this guy's problem?! What a creep! So, basically, I looked and felt dead. Boohoo for me. Then the Devil was all "Damn, you suck!" and, I don't know, flew of to find another host or something. But only half of him. What a douche. Him and my father would get along nicely.

So, many years passed and I was being experimented on or something. Hmm, must be some sort of karma. But, anywho, I eventually took leave of where ever the Hell I was and ventured out into the real world. It was very bright and I was pissed to the extreme. But, I was going to get to scare my father in a way I'd always dreamed of. It was all too perfect. So I snuck into the Mishima Zaibatsu, took out a couple of dudes, and proceeded to say some awesomely cool threatening words into some guys little camera head set. I knew my father was watching and I knew he pissed his pants. Ok, so I don't really know if he peed his pants, but I'm assuming he's old enough now to the point in which he has less control over his bladder and, thus, would pee his pants at something so importantly gigantic as me being alive. I love me.

And, to get me out of hiding, he issued another Tekken tournament. Oh, when will you learn old man. But, I came out of hiding to get everything back so... yeah. And then, it was my turn to pee my pants. I found out I have a son! Holy Jesus Christ on a stick! He was the spittin' image of his old man. Creepy. So I guessed Jun got pregnant, because I really didn't do anything with anyone else, and I went over to introduce myself. Arms outstretched and a big heepin' hug ready, I strutted over to him and commenced with the hugging. I was enjoying myself until I realized that he was not hugging me back. I looked into his face and found nothing but contempt, scorn, and utter confusion. What the Hell man? Maybe he didn't know who I was? Well, it might've been better that way, I concluded later, after I explained to him that he was, indeed, my son. "I have no association with the likes of you," he said to me and walked off. Oh my God, my heart crumbled in my chest. Dammit you old sack of crap Heihachi! I know this was his doing. He must've gotten to my son and persuaded him to hate me with mind control. So, this sadness turned to hate and I didn't like my son so much no more. I found out later that his name is Jin. Jeez, way to go Jun, change one letter in your name to make his more masculine. Seriously, she could have named him Jazuya. That's _way_ classier. But, yeah, whatever, let him hate me then. See if sniff I care. I also found out that he had the other part of the devil gene I was looking for and that just mad me all the madder at him. Stupid Son.

Well, it may just be me, but there seemed to be a lot of young people in this year's tournament. Maybe I'm getting old or something, but really, there was a crap load. In MY day... nah, never mind. I'm not that old yet. But, I got to say, the best part of the tournament was seeing Lee again. Now I KNOW that he pissed his pants when he saw me. He so didn't expect me to come back. Ever. I bet he thought I was dead just like his senile old daddy did. Oh man, his expression was too rich. You should've been there. I thought I was gonna bust a nut laughing so hard. It was _that_ freakin' funny. Of course, I'll have to affirm my assumption in thinking that Lee is gay. First, he was weary a very frilly purple (mine's royal purple so I'm still manly) shirt, tight, _tight_ leather pants, and he dyed his hair purple. And he went by the name 'Violet'. Oh my God, can you say Fairy? Cause he's the definition of one. Pansy, prissy, and homosexual work too. The worst part, by FAR, had to be seeing my "dad" in a very small, very tight diaper. Okay, it wasn't a diaper per say, but he's old enough to need one by _now_ isn't he? That's what I thought. So, yeah, I never wanted to see his ass again, but now I get the privilege of seeing his shriveled, old, sagging ass. Pleasant.

Sad to say, I didn't win the tournament. No, my son took me out. My own flesh and blood. Oh, whoa as me. A mere youngin' like him? Grr, how humiliating. I found out later that he also beat my father. Good going son! Wait...screw you son! Oh, never mind. I've got mixed feelings. So, I guess he won the King of Iron Fist Tournament 4. Hmm, Jin Kazama. I suppose that's better than my father winning it. But I gotta say, I really think my son's last name should've been Mishima or Kazuya. Apparently, that was all Jun's doing. Why she picked her last name for him I'll never know. Jin Mishima-Kazuya sounds so much more classier. Well, I supposed that me, my son, and my father were all in a three-way-tie for Tekken tournament wins. So I was still feeling pretty superior; that is, until I found out that my son _also_ won the 3rd tournament...then I felt like crap. God damn me.

So, me and the human I was half spawned from found ourselves in the remnants of Honmaru thinking about how we got beatin' by a youngin' when, all of a sudden, a hoard of Jack robots come crashing through the ceiling and precede to want to beat the crap out of me and my dad. Oh no you don't you robot sons of bitches. My old man and me tag teamed a few of these bastards and then, cause I'm all sneaky and cool like that, I throw a tired old man into a large group of Jacks. Damn, I'm cool. No seriously. Look up cool in the dictionary. I'll be there. So I jump out the window all satisfied like and fly on my merry way. That'll show ya, you creepy old fart you. I'm hoping beyond hope that he'll die this time but...ehh, I wasn't so lucky. My death wishes never come true. So I'm all happy and junk and I try to have a normal life. However, someone announces another Iron Fist tournament and I'm freakin' out. It ain't Heihachi. And besides, that company is _mine_ jackasses. Now I gotta go get it back from this imposter. Plus, I also found out that Heihachi is still alive so I wasted all of my effort to throw him in a big batch of explosive robots for nothing. God damn it.

That's basically my story. It's full of hate for my dad and me not being jealous. Just like I said. I'm cool like that. The conclusion, as you can plainly see, is not finished because, guess what, it hasn't happened yet. Oh well, that's the way it goes. But, kids, if you take but thing away from my heart breaking story it should be this: If a crazy old man claims to be your "father" but then throw you over a cliff because it was "good for you" is **not** your father.

The End

A/N: Read and review. Seriously, I'll even take hate reviews. But, if you liked it, I'd much rather enjoy a positive review. Just a suggestion. I plan to make this into parts for the whole Mishima family (Jin, Jun, Lee, Heihachi) and possibly others...but only if you like it so...send me some reviews and bring me that horizon.


	2. Heihachi Mishima

A/N: Well, I know it took a while, but this is that not so lovable oaf Heihachi's chapter. Oh, I can just feel your excitment already. Ratings and and such are still the same. I still do not own Tekken and I am still not rich. Boo-hoo, right.

Misunderstood Dictator or Crazy Old Circus Monkey

I have been called many things: a bastard, a cruel man, a dictator, a... crazy old circus monkey. Those are just to name a few. I choose to use the words: revolutionary, inspiration, hot 'n sexy, really smart. Yeah, I think those words better used to describe me. My name is Heihachi Mishima. Not only does it sound cool, but it totally embodies me as a person. Cool. I'm sure you all read my son's sob story. Boo hoo for him. But, really, none of it happened anything like he described so...my version will be more realistic because it's what actually happened.

Besides, my story is way more tragic. My beautiful wife died at a young age and I was left with a screaming, drooling, crying, sadistic whine machine. All this thing did was cry and eat and poop. I got absolutely no peace and quite to myself. It was all about _him_. The thing had a name. Kazuya it was. But to me, he was merely an unsightly burden that was feeding off of me. Much like a leech. I really considered calling him Leechuya... but that didn't go over too well in my mind. Being dumb and all. I settled on just calling him dumbass. That one was cooler sounding and way easier to remember considering it totally described him. He's dumb and looks like an ass. Whether I mean an ass ass or a donkey ass is up to you to decide, but I'll never tell.

Anywho, I decided when he was old enough to finally learn some damn Japanese that I would "test" him by throwing him over a cliff. It was such a brilliant plan. I _say_ it was for training purposes but in _actuality_ I gain another room. And my life back of course. So, I flung him over my shoulder like a big, stinky heap of garbage and chucked him over. He was all "Daddy, Daddy! Please help me! I'm weak and I suck!"...Well, alright, his words were more along the lines of "Dammit you Son of a Bitch! Burn in Hell, Bastard!" But, whatever. He was gone and dead and out of my brilliantly spiked hair forever. Life was peachy.

I walked back to the house, went straight to "his room", and started ripping things out and pinning stuff up. I put up my awesome pictures of Elvis and a framed picture of me and Abraham Lincoln that I got taken at Mount Rushmore. Well, it wasn't the _real_ Abraham Lincoln, but I could always pretend. In my own mind. Besides putting up the essentials, I went on a shopping spree and bought all sorts of things for my now empty space. I got a hot tub, and some bon-bons, a new stereo/speaker system, new lighting, candles, and some white fluffy towels. You know the ones, from the hotels and all. You can't take them but do just for the hell of it because they're so damn comfortably fluffy. Yeah, those ones. Well, assigning people on where to put all the stuff was tiring work, so I finally decided to hit the sack. I hadn't slept that well in forever. It was nice, I'm not gonna lie.

The next few days were spent in the hot tub, primarily, and I was having the time of my life. Until one day. Damn that day to the pits of Hades armpits. Kazuya came back! Yeah, no joke. I wish he were dead too. Anyway, he's all like "Ehh, I'm stupid!" (In reality: "Heihachi! What the Hell's wrong with you, you bastard?!") and I freaked out. I thought for sure he was a ghost, or a witch or something. So, anyway, I run around trying to find some damn salt or a wooden stake or _something_ and I trip. Well, let me tell you, it was quite drafty and I choked on my bon-bon. Curse you Kazuya, err, I mean Dumbass. However, I did look up just in time to see the look of horror on his face and I'm pretty satisfied with myself for that. It looked as though he wanted to pick his eyes out. Hmm, maybe I should help him with that. Yes Heihachi, that's the plan you clever sexy beast you. Well, I grab a towel and waltz over to him, drip water on him (hehe, all over him), and say, "Well I'll be damned! You're alive! That's my boy!" Eargh! I was so angry though. I'm pretty sure my eyes were giving me away. But how?! It was so utterly impossible! How could a young, helpless child bleeding to death climb back up, have enough energy to make it back home, and still act defiant against his dear old daddy?! It just doesn't make sense. Or, as the kids are saying these days, "Dat don' make no sense, yo!"

So, because I wanted him to freak him out as much as possible, I prepared a nice bath for him, had a warm dinner ready, prepared a bed, and even read him a bedtime story. Oh, and how funny it was. He was totally freaking out and, like, not being happy. This made me happy. And now for the coup de grace. After I finished reading him some crappy book about something or other, I lathered up my lips real good, puckered up, and went for it. Right on the forehead. HAHAHA! It was the best thing EVER! He looked so disgusted and he was all spit covered and sputtering. It was so funny. I could've died right there. But, that would have gave him too much pleasure so I wandered on back to my room and busted a nut laughing. And I mean, I laughed A LOT! Oh man, you should've been there. The look on his face was so priceless. I should so totally do that again some time. Man, what a rush.

I was now put into an extremely uncomfortable position: the son I assumed to be dead was still living and now I had no room for my numerous posters and hot tub. What's a man to do. Well, the one thing I was sure of was that my son now harbored a large hatred for me. This did not please me. I wanted his hate from Hell, not right in front of me. He kept giving me the stink eye and putting dead animals in my bed. It was usually cow heads and that's just not right. I would almost truly be scared of him if he wasn't only, like, a midget and, like, two. I was still the dad too, so... that made me more important. Yeah, yeah, that's it. He would continually tell me he was glad to go to school because he could get away from me. I didn't like that very much so I developed a most ingenious plan. I had 200 golden statues built of yours truly and placed them along the path Kazuya took to school, around the school, and in the school. Each one had it's own unique pose and cameras were installed in the eyes so I could watch him at all times. I could always see the anger welling up inside of him and this merely made me happier. Everyday, I would speak to the school via some sort of technical whatchamacallit voodoo. I was told the children and staff could see me but... I was never too trusting of those mechanical nerdy types. Never know when they're gonna lead you astray and sucker you into buying a $1,000 computer upgrade that you didn't need and so then it just wastes away on your overly expensive computer with the works that they made you buy when all you wanted was for it to type and print things, but, you didn't know anything about computers, and they were oh so sincere and you had no reason _not_ to believe their bullshit and now you're paying for it while they're laughing manically with their retainers close by. Like I said, never trusted them. Anyway, I always gave a big long speech on how these little snots could work and achieve but never ever make it to the level I have. When I'd finish with my broadcast, I'd turn on the Hach-Cam (the cameras I installed in the statues, remember) and watch the hate begin. Ohhohoho, all the kids hated Kazuya so much. Sure, he never showed that he cared, but I knew he had to have been a tiny bit mad at something. And I was hoping it was me, tehe!

As the days progressed, Kazuya began to sass me all the more and was quite the obstinate little bugger. First, he goes and toilet papers the house and thinks I won't catch him or something. Little bastard. Then, he proceeded to take butter out of the fridge and melted it in my shoes, put cheese in my nice coat pockets, put saran wrap on the toilet seat, bury my pants in the backyard and then turned the sprinklers on, set my hair on fire, tie me up, changed all the food around in the kitchen, and lots of other obnoxious things I could've and _should've_ strangled him for. God damn him, he was doing all this knowing I knew it was him and while I was asleep, the little coward. Can't even come after me like a man. One night, I snuck into his room while he was reading some lame book, stood at the front of his bed, climbed up on the mantle, and jumped on top of him screaming, "FLYING DAD BOMB!" The look on his face was magnificent. His pupils contracted, his eye started twitching, his mouth quivered, and his face went white. And I saw all of this before I landed directly on him. Holy poop, he did not see that coming. I also discovered, to my delight, that I had given him a slight concussion. Life was good. One time though, he shaved off half my moustache so I locked him in my gigantemous closet. Kinda like Harry Potter, but with a bigger space and less darkness. When the 12 hours were up and I went back to retrieve him, I found, to my great dismay, that he was happy about something. I thought maybe that he'd finally snapped and I could finally, legally put him into a mental hospital. I was wrong, though, and found out later that he had a strange fetish for sneakers. What. A. Loser.

One day I was flipping through the paper and saw an add or something for orphaned children. They showed a bunch of real sickly looking kids that could never ever be like me and a couple of fat ones that I doubted hadn't eaten a meal in at least the past hour. I did see one, however, that caught my eye. He was all "Oliver Twist" with his huge, innocent eyes, scruffy clothes, and dirty socks. But he was still a dirty little street urchin. And then, I got an idea that totally came out of nowhere; I could adopt this child as Kazuya's brother and love him a lot and love Kazuya not a lot! It was a strangely out of the blue idea, but, Hell, it worked for me. I figured I'd better get going and get him when I saw his location. "CHINA?! What the hell is he doing in China?!?!" I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty pissed, now I couldn't just have someone drive me there. Ugh, how inconvenient. So I hoped in my industrial, yet personal, jet and flew toward China. I found the little munchkin and told him I was his new daddy and that he had to wait here while I went and got his "brother" to surprise him. The little creep just stared up at me, rushed over to hug me, and started to cry. I didn't know what the Hell his problem was, but maybe he finally smelt himself. Yuck, kid, ever heard of soap? Or even water for that matter? Gross, really gross. I finally peeled him off and ordered him not to move from this spot or die. Yeah, he didn't move.

So, quick as a bunny, I hoped back in my jet and flew home to get Kazuya. "Boy!" I screamed when we entered the house, "Get your ass down here and say 'Hello'!" Usually so punctual, it took him forever to get down stairs. I hoped he might have died, but I heard little pitter pattery steps walking around through the house so I knew it was him merely bothering me again. I should just abandon all morals and just eat him for dinner with a nice Chianti. It was about after 20 minutes had passed that I told that little dirty child not to leave the spot he was standing in. Well, if he did, he was gonna die. Courtesy of me. And if he stayed, well, then he was more scarred of me than I perceived him to be. I hoped it was the later. That would totally work out better for me. Finally, 10 minutes later, in comes wandering in Dumbass. No urgency at all, the little whelp. I bounded over to him and shoved the picture of the child in his face and he winced like I was going to maim him with it or something. Seriously, he puts on this tough act and gets scarred of a picture? I don't know, seems kinda wimpy to me. "What the Hell are you doing, Boy?" I screamed in his ear, "Say Hello". He looked at me all dumbly so, again, I said, "Say HELLO!" What is he, retarded? Seriously, what was wrong with him I'll never know, but it was extremely annoying. Then he tries to walk away from me, without saying 'Hello' nonetheless, but I grab him, again, much as one would grab a stinking heap of garbage, and tossed him in the jet. He was whining like, "Ehh, I'm stupid" and "You're hurting me you big meany" and "Where're we going?" and I was all, "Sit down, shut up, and eat some peanuts. We'll be there before you know it". He didn't shut up and didn't sit down and he ate all the peanuts. It was absolutely unforgivable so I tied him down and taped that obnoxious hole in his face as well.

When we finally got to China, I totally forgot where I left the kid, so I checked alleyways and anywhere there might be food. Finally, I found him and stopped so as not to run into him, and Kazuya went slamming right into my back. We discovered that he'd blacked out right as I was trying to introduce the two. What a rude person my son is. Well, this was getting awkward so I said, finally, "Get up, Boy, and say hello!" Finally, Stupid McBrain Damage over there decided to regain consciousness and all he did was stare at the boy and look like he was going to blow chunks all over the place. I certainly didn't teach him to behave this badly. I'm the innocent one here. So, anyway, ignoring my son's stupidity further, I grab the boy and tell him to go over and hug "the one with the ugly hair" and say "Hello Brother!" all happily and stuff. And, by golly, he did just as he was told. Hmm, maybe he really is scared of me. But it must just be from my commanding voice and authoritive demeanor. It's not like I'm ugly or nothing, so that's impossible. Anyway, Dumbass didn't even try to hug the little stinky thing so I walked over to him and smacked the dummy across the head. God, what a loser. I really don't think he knew that we were adopting him, but he really should've been smarter then _that_. Geez. Well, I don't know if it was from my smack or the kids smell (or the concussion I gave him a while back), but Kazuya the Dumbass passed out _again_ and we had to throw him back in the jet and go home. I just tossed him in the cargo bin so we wouldn't have to listen to his obnoxious snoring and the flight back proceeded smoothly and without a screaming, kicking, annoyance in my way.

When we finally arrived back home, I asked the kid what his name was and all he gave me was a shy little, "Lee, sir". "Sir?!" I said, "No, call me Dad! That's what I am to you now. And straighten up, look sharp, and let your voice be heard, son!" Again, he timidly replied, "Yes. Sorry, sir". Ugh, we were gonna get this right some day. But before that, I went into Kazuya's dresser and pulled out his favorite shirt and grabbed some shorts and underwear and stuff. I told Lee to go take a bath and when he looked at me like I had a second head growing out of my neck, I knew he'd never taken one. Now it was my turn to be disgusted. Oh great balls of fire, how did this kid make it as long as he did. Unfortunately, I had to help him and, let me tell you, he was one dirty little boy. Eww, the only time he'd seen water was when he was drinking it, I swear! After I'd finished drying him off, I told him to put on these clothes and go surprise his brother again. It was only then did I realize I had left Kazuya in the cargo bin and now had to retrieve him. You'd think he'd have woken up by now. Oh my Me, what if he'd run away! Well, that just couldn't be done! If he'd ran away, I'd ignite that bomb I'd strap to him just before we'd left China. Good for me, he didn't move at all and I was a tiny bit concerned that he might be dead at this point. Hmm, I wonder if they'll take back little urchin children?... or maybe I could just drop him back off or something. That's when Dumbass moved and whined in his sleep a little. Praise be to me, he was still alive. I ran over to him, took the bomb off, and proceeded to throw him onto his bed. Lee was waiting in the room so I told him to keep a close watch on him and not to let him out of his sight. Well, that settled that, and now I was going to go downstairs and see what was going on for dinner tonight.

I heard some rummaging around emitting from upstairs and chose just to ignore it cause, guess what, I didn't care. Not in the least. But, when it was dinnertime and they had not come down yet, I stormed up there, grabbed them both, and then plopped them down at their designated chairs. I was enjoying my meal throughly, talking about this and that, when, out of the blue, Dumbass threw his fork at Lee. A high pitched cry slammed into the back of my skull and, out of instinct, I smacked Kazuya with the back of my fork. When I noticed it wasn't him who made the high pitched scream, I realized that, more than likely, it was Lee. He had latched himself to my leg under the table, so I rushed to see if he was ok or if he'd lost an eye or something. Pfht, he was perfectly fine. Just crying out of fear. God, he was just as big of a scardy cat as Kazuya was! How'd I get stuck with such frightened children anyway? So, anyway, I pried Lee off my leg that he'd dug his fingers into, and brought him out from under the table, and soothed him. So against my nature, but I had to make him like me over Ka-spue-ya. Anyway, I patted his back and stuff and glanced over at Kazuya. To my delight, he was furious! And, now that I thought about it, I knew why! Huhuhu, jealousy. I loved it. And to think, he was jealous of this dirty little wimp.

I could tell that Kazuya was trying to hide his jealousy from me, so I tried to find new ways to make him jealous. My favorite time was the very first Christmas we had with Lee, ahh, I remember it quite well. We had a huge tree with tons of presents, lots of lighting, the works. When I'd put presents under the tree, I didn't put anyone's name on them. Instead, I would remember what presents went to who by the look of the wrapping paper and I placed them under the tree. Come Christmas morning, Dumbass finally decides to associate himself with people again and comes out of his room to get the presents. Well, out of the 300 gifts under the tree, only 6 were for him. The rest were for Lee. Oh my, that was so funny. I even put coal in his stocking and wrote a note from "Santa" that said: "Kazuya, You suck. Your Christmas wishes will never be fulfilled again because you have an evil spirit and are mean to your awesomely sexy beast of a father. I hope you're happy for being such a bastard. Insincerely, Santa." Then I placed some coal in there and packed Lee's full of candy and money. Unfortunately, he wasn't as sad or angry as I wanted him to be. He wasn't really sad or angry at all. But I was gonna get him. When Kazuya's birthday came around, I gave Lee more presents then him. When we got ice cream, Lee always got more while Kazuya had to buy the smallest amount and serving they had. When we went shopping, Lee got the most expensively cool items while Dumbass got crap. At fairs, Lee got to do more. Lee got more tokens, turns, clothes, toys, candy, money, etc. You name it, he got more. And all the while, I noticed Kazuya never got jealous once. Never. Can you believe it? I certainly couldn't! A saint would start getting jealous by now! Plus, Lee was becoming a whiny, spoiled brat and I didn't know what to do about it. It was always "I want this!" and "Give me that!" or "How come other kids get it, but all I get is crap?! You don't love me!" Well, I was really beginning not to... if I ever did at all, I'm not to sure. But that's beside the point; the kid was just too freakin' needy! And what's worse, Kazuya knew I was getting fed up with it. Damn it! Damn every single one of his bones to Dante's Inferno!

One day, I realized that Kazuya was no where to be found. I searched (a little) and called out (quietly) but he never came. Finally! I was rid of him, and I didn't even care if he was dead or alive or a prostitute somewhere! All I know was that I was free. But then again, there was always Lee. And boy did he use this to his opportunity. He would continually say how "devastated" he was that Kazuya had "abandoned" him and how he needed "expensive stuff" to fill the aching hole in his heart. Eragh, and I did to. I bought him every freakin' thing he wanted and I did not think that this was cool. Many years passed in much the same fashion to the point where I just felt like I needed to kill someone. And that someone was...Kazuya. You thought I was gonna say Lee didn't ya. Well, let me tell you, that would have given me about as much satisfaction as beating up a pillow. It's weak, it's stuffing comes out when you beat it too hard, and it doesn't fight back. I wanted a little thrill, ya know. So, That's why I issued the very first King of the Iron Fist Tournament. Thought of the name all by myself. I sent out invitations to the best fighters in the world and Dumbass to see if anyone would like to participate. At first, it wasn't for such a hefty prize. I merely held it to see who was the strongest and to have a lovely dinner after words. But I knew that wouldn't attract many fighters, so I upped the ante to control over the Mishima Zaibatsu and some cash prize. That was sure to spark a few interests. "Rawr, rawr", my good pal Kuma would say, "Rawr, rawwrrrr, rawrraw?" To which I would respond, "Hell yes I'm a genius who is unmatched in intellect, muscle, or any other quality trait! So nice of you to notice!" I never had a clue as to what he was saying, but that is what I assumed him to be saying and so I went with it. He was always there for me and delivered the invitations. I don't think he liked that very much, but, what the hell, he's just a bear after all. He doesn't have a feelings, or a heart, or a soul.

So, come the day of the tournament I looked all around for Kazuya, and saw some strange contenders in the process. Holy moley, these people were freaks! The lot of 'em! Eagh, it was like walking into a new side show every way you turned. Sweet freakin' Jesus, it was horrible. I really hoped all of them would die someway or another. Yeesh. Anywho, the tournament eventually got underway and I kicked a lot of ass. I mean, like, buckets, no, oceans full of ass. There was so much ass being kicked that I'm surprised that I hadn't kicked my own yet. It was pretty intense. But finally, I got to meet up with Kazuya. I was so ready to kick his ass. And if I hadn't bent down to save that poor snail in the grass on his back roasting in the sun, I would have too. But no, ever the one to kick a man while he was down, Kazuya beats me senselessly and throws me over that same idiotic cliff I threw him over when he was a child. Lordy, ever heard of "letting it go"? Apparently not. God, what an ass.

So, obviously, I lost. I lost pretty much everything in fact. But I was not about to let that get me down. I know Kazuya thought I was dead, so I planned on training and working out until I became the perfect ninja capable of sneaking into his room and slicing his throat in the night without anyone ever knowing. Or, if that plan failed, I would go undercover as a young school girl who was looking for a "good time" and kill him as he lead me into **_my_** house. Both plans really had no chance of failing. As luck would have it, Dumbass issued another tournament for some reason or another and I was back in the game. When he saw me at the tournament he totally wet himself. He was probably all, "OMFG, Daddy's all AlIvE! And he's going to HuRt me! What am I going to Doo0000?!"Yeah, I know that's what he was thinking actually. He was so scared and worried. Yeah, well this time I beat him. I beat him down so bad and then, like, threw his body into a volcano. It was awesome! You could almost hear his flesh sizzling and smell his ugly retardo hair burning (which isn't a good smell by the way). But you know what it was...it was the smell...of defeat. And it smelled good.

In the years after, I regained control of MY Zaibatsu and proceeded to do all the cool stuff that I always do. Then one day, he showed up. Jin Kazama. Haha, bet you thought I was gonna say Kazuya didn't ya?! Well, again, I did not. But, anyway, Jin Kazama. He was, like, my grandson. How freaky is _that_! I had no idea that my son reproduced! Funny story, I thought it was Kazuya come back from the dead to, oh I don't know, strip the flesh from my body one agonizing piece at a time. Needless to say, I was pretty horrified, I'm not gonna lie. So, while I was trying to regain my slowly fading heartbeat, he sternly told me that he was Jin Kazama, son of Jun Kazama and Kazuya Mishima and that he was suppose to come see me if something should ever happen to his mom. I assumed something did otherwise why would he be standing at my doorway right now? Yeah, answer me that one. Obviously, he was no girl scout...oh, erm, boy scout. But, jeez, if he wasn't the spitting image of his father. It was creepy. And boy was he quite. And stern. And everything else that makes up those silent, brooding types. I found out that he wanted to avenge his mother and wanted my training. Well, why the hell not. Besides, he knew close to nothing about his father so that gave me the opportunity to embed all the hate and animosity I could regarding dear ol' Dumbass. This could be very opportune (and fun) if I pulled it off right.

First of all, I had to get Jin used to sleeping indoors and eating food out of cans. Apparently, his mother was all about "nature" and they ate twigs and dirt or some crap like that. He was a strange one, but I found it stranger that my son was attracted to this Jun Kazama in the first place. She seemed like a total nut. HAHA! Get it? Nut! She was all about nature! A nut! YA GET IT?! Oh well, it's funny anywho. After I got Jin all accustomed to "normal people" life, it was time to send him to school. The boy had not received a proper education in all his years. His mom was doing a descent job with the "forest schooling", but, no wonder he was so anti-social, he, like, never interacted with people. Man, if I let him roam free, I would swear he would go all Pocahantas on me. So, I never did. He was confined to the manor and the school. But that's a different story.

When he was ready and rearing to go, I issued the Third King of the Iron Fist Tournament. Well, the same freaks were back, with some new freaks added into the mix, but Jin beat every one of them. Well, that wasn't very hard. He's got my fighting spirit. But, he had half of the devil gene I so wanted to harness it for myself so, when he won the tournament, I shot him. Shot him dead. There, now I was good. I was the only living Mishima living and I had exterminated my potentially hazardous grandson. This was pretty awesome. Unfortunately for me, as usually is the case, my freakish devil infected grandbaby spawned some eery tattoos, grabbed my head and smashed me out of the brick structure we were in, sprouted some wings, and flew off. Holy monkey farts. Who does that?! And I can't believe I lived through that. I really should have died. I'm glad I didn't, though. Whatever man, he was gone and obviously didn't want his prize so I took it and was as happy as can be.

A few years passed, and I was still obsessed with obtaining that devil gene one way or the other. It'd be so cool. I'd, like, never lose. But, anyway, I had my guys go search high and low for this and that. They didn't find much until one day...HE came back! Paul Phoenix! No, I'm totally messin' with ya. You know as well as I do that Kazuya was back...again. God, I was so super pissed. Dammit, why won't he just be a good little nuisance and stay dead?! Well, I didn't want him just wandering around on his own, so I issued yet another Tekken tournament. Number 4 if ya ain't counting people. So, that was the best way to get him out of hiding. And, like I knew it would, it worked, and it also attracted all the other freaks as well. Including new participants as well. Where the hell are all these people coming from? So many freaks spread across the world cannot be healthy. For anyone. My other loser son was there as well. I know I neglected to tell you what happened to him, but he basically just sided with Kazuya back in Tekken 2 and I beat his ass promptly and effectively. And that was that. But, apparently, he just thought he was too super cool not to never come back. But he couldn't face me like a man and, instead, got a dye job and went under the alias as 'Violet'. Oh my God... what a douche bag. Seriously. I am so cereal. But, again, that wasn't all for the surprises. Oh no, my crazy grandson was back too. What a strange reunion this was turning out to be. I decided to hide in my quarters until the time came for the fights to begin. I did not want to spend more time with these people then I needed to.

Finally, and with a lot of screaming and crying, I was forced out of my room and into my "cage". That's right, my stupid arena was a cage. How lame is that. But, I did have a nifty fighting outfit on for this tournament. It showed off all my love handles and was quite popular with the ladies. Yeah, they were fainting from my gloriousness. I don't blame them, if I weren't me, I'd faint too. I beat down the lot of them when, sadly, I had to once again face Dumbass. I was totally kicking the crap out of him when that poor little snail turned over on his back again. God, I can't believe he would do that twice. Doesn't he know that snails have feelings too. What a brute. So, whatever, he won and went on to the next round where he faced Jin. I was feeling so blue, but, I decided to go see how the match would turn out so I could just kill the winner and be done with it. Jin was the victor and I was all "Yeah, he looks weak and tired. This should be a snap!" but wouldn't you know it, that darned snail came back. What rotten luck. So, he was all gonna kill me and it pretty much sucked because I was way to pretty to die but then, like some divine sign from God, I was saved. Jin claimed it had to do something with his mother, but, whatever, she's dead, he's psycho, and Kazuya's knocked out. I was so gonna be alright. Then he goes and tosses me down, like a delinquent would do to an old man, and then flies out a hole in the ceiling. Freako.

Well, a couple seconds later, Dumbass recovers from his humiliating beat down by his son, and we both try to regain our bearings. Truthfully, I'm a little uncomfortable having my son see me like this and my only hope is that he was hit so hard in the head that he went blind or something. A man can dream. The next thing I know, a huge squadron of Jack robots come crashing through the ceiling and I'm all, "Holy Poop!" Seriously, it was a big shocker. Well, for once in his goddamn life, Kazuya decides to team up with me and is actually civil about it. I must have been crazy believing his kindness, but it was better than being squashed by a bunch of steroid pumping robots. We were kicking some serious ass when, like a total daddy hater, Dumbass grabs my head and throws me into the big mechanical forest. Seems like I'm getting thrown around quite a bit today. But, yeah. The big stupid robots explode and I'm left for dead. Which everyone thought I was. Dead. But, I'm all kinds of pissed now so I'm on a mission to kill everyone. Even Kuma if he gets in my way. Of course, them freaky stuff starts happening and I find out that my father is still alive. Holy Jesus Christ on a stick! That ain't cool at all. My day has been going so badly. After reading this, I bet you're thinking, "Well, shoot, that awesome Heihachi guy was totally the victim in all this! He was so nice and upstanding, how could his family and friends be so mean? He's so cool". And, yes, all of that is true. It's all so true and I hope that you recognize it to be as such. Never believe what Kazuya Mishima says. He's a liar, and a bully, and a thief. He takes from the rich and gives to himself. If you ever see him on the street go up and kick him. Hard. Don't worry, he's such a pussy he'll try to kick back but miss and fall flat on his face. In the street. Where he belongs. The moral of this story: If there is ever a "snail" in need, go help it. It will give you a convenient excuse.

A/N: Tada! Heihachi in an oversized nutshell. Review and give it to me straight. I really want to know! Anywho, if you recall Heihachi about something being "so cereal" well, I'm assuming you either got it or you didn't. It was from a South Park episode with Al Gore that I saw once upon a time. If you've seen it you probably got more enjoyment out of that part. Hohum. Anyway, expect Lee to be gracing the next chapter. He's got to defend his positions, you know.


	3. Lee Chaolan

A/N: Holy Jesus Christ on crutches! It's been awhile. What the hell was my problem you ask, well, truthfully, it's all college crap. Scholarships, essays, schools . . . yeah. Sorry about the wait everone, but Lee, your savior, is here to make your dreams come true. Or, at least give you a couple minutes of joy. Everything is the same as it was last time, except now I own Namco. Pft, just kidding, guys. Gezz, I sure had you going there.

The Silver Haired Sex God That Is . . . You Guessed It! LEE!

By now I'm willing to assume that you read my father's story and my brother's story. Well, they're pretty dumb, and I'm sure you found that out just by reading about their lame excuses for lives. Oh, and their stories were pretty much true because they portrayed themselves as retards, and that is exactly what they are. So no arguments there. I don't think I even needed to tell you that. Just look at them. They look dumb. However, there was a bit of . . . _inconsistency _with their stories. They portrayed me, the ever wondrous Lee Chaolan, as a gay, little fairy boy. I am so not. And how dare them. But, I know you all don't believe that I'm gay (because I'm not) and I thank you for it. Unless of course you do believe that I am, and in which case I'm very perturbed with you. But, there's always room for change. I'm going to tell my side of the story now. The more accurate one. Sure I don't know the very beginnings of why Kazuya is such an asshole or why my father has some serious emotional issues, but, again, do you really care? I guess you might, you did read their stories after all . . . oh me oh my, I'm rambling. Let's just get right into it shall we?

I don't remember my parents, so all I had known previous to Heihachi was an orphanage. Many of the kids there had been like me, but a few had parents who died in a freak accident and no other relatives could take them in because they were, sadly, also dead. One day I decided to ask my Nun lady how I got here in the first place. And the story she told really threw me for a loop. Apparently, my parents had been wealthy explorers constantly searching around the globe for the rare and never before seen Whooping Yeti Bird. Nothing at all was known about it, and no one had ever seen it before. At this point in the story, I already thought my parents were crazy, but the nun continued. Their searching had led them to China. A guide was hired to lead them through the hills and jungles. They had been camping out for a month when the guide asked what they were looking for exactly. "Well," said my supposed father, "We're looking for the elusive Whooping Yeti Bird." Well, the guide thought that they had caught some kind of rabies when they both started giddily laughing about finding it as if it were a real animal or something and took off running through China like a fat boy being chased by an apple. And this didn't bode well for my parents. Or me either, because, in case you didn't know, I was also there at this time. I was, like, three months old or something. You think my parents would be like, "Oh, we have a new born baby. I'm thinkin' he's probably gonna need attention. A lot. Yup, that would make sense cause he's a baby." And they probably said that until they thought about it and said, "I'm so smart that I figured that out all by myself, but this bird that no one knows or cares about is way more important than this new born baby. Hell, let's risk it!" By this time, I was glad at whatever fate had taken my parents away from me. I was dreading the life of being a stupid retard with stupid retard parents who searched for things that weren't there. But the nun continued. Well, my parents were, like, all alone now and didn't really know how to get back. "Let's head in further!" was, supposedly, what one retard said. Thankfully, my incessant crying alerted them that we really should get back to civilization so their baby could wear a diaper made of the proper materials and not some dried up old leaves that were probably some bugs home at one time and tied up with twigs.

So, they were heading back and, apparently, rabid wolves started chasing them. They ran and they ran, but the wolves never yielded. Finally they found shelter in a cave and noticed how the wolves would not enter. As relieved as my parents were, they really should not have been because standing behind them was a massive, snarling she-wolf. Her breath stank like 1000 corpses and here drool was like acid. My parents both slowly turned around only to come face-to-face with this beast. It rose upon its hind legs and said, "YE WHO ENTER THIS CAVE MUST HAVE SOME SORT OF DEATH WISH. BUT, YOU WILL PROVIDE A MOST EXCELLENT MEAL FOR ME. MAY YOU HAVE LEFT ALL HOPE AT THE DOOR, AND PREPARE TO DIE, BITCHES!" Well, my father, as stupid as he must have been, was all like, "You're not the ever elusive Whooping Yeti Bird. Well, let's go hun, obviously this boring wolf is not what we're looking for." So, like retards, they get up and start leaving the cave as if they weren't in mortal danger or something. Well, I guess the she-wolf got so mad that she made a mad dash for the couple and sliced my father's shoulder clean off. After that, they took off running. They somehow managed to make it pass the wolves and into an open clearing. A sigh of relief, and then, just outta the blue, comes this fairy and she's all like, "What 'cha up to?" And my parents are all, "Nothing much." And she's all like, "That's cool. Hey, you look hurt mister." "Ah, that I am," my father says. And then she shoots out both his eyes with her wand. I'm getting really skeptical of the nun's story at this point. And I would have stopped believing her had she not had the most serious, concentrated look on her face. But, anyway, she continued. The fairy wasn't really a fairy, it was an elf. And, apparently, elves are mean. So, she zapped out my dear daddy's eyes and laughed manically for a while. Again, my parents took off running. But then they started stepping on people's faces and found that they were in a frozen wasteland. "Do watch where you are stepping. Have I not already suffered enough?" And then the crazed frozen man took a bite out of my father's legs and proceeded to rip his lower leg off in the process. Well, my father was a huge mess, but my mother was not even touched. Lucky for her. She was holding me. But, my father reached out frantically in pain and yanked my mother down when he fell from the pain. She landed right on somebody and they said, "Ghet offt oft meh lahdie!" And took a huge chunk out of her back. So much so, that her spine was showing. "Ahh!" she screamed as any normal person in serious pain would do and said, "Hunny, my back hurts!" Understatement of the century lady. But anywho, the two continued to run as the buried faces continued to snap and bite at them. They finally stumbled out of the frozen sheet and ran for quite a while (my father hobbled I guess) and they came to the edge of this ginormous cliff. "Whatever shall we do, Darling?!" my mother asked frantically. "Here!" screamed my father, "Eat me and take my flesh as a token of love!" And with that, he ripped off his own arm and gave it to my mother. "Here!" my mother said, "You have mine to eat as well!" And she proceeded to rip her arm off. So now they were both armless. "This well never do," my father said. And he picked up my mother's arm and sewed it back upon his stub. "One of us needs to hunt!" "Oh, yes, that is true." And my father went off to hunt while my mother picked the flesh off of my father's arm and started repairing her back with it.

This story was totally grossing me out and was quite hard to believe. But, seriously, I felt sick. And wondered how I could still be in one piece. My father was gone for a very long time and my mother decided to go and search for him because the sun was going down and she didn't want him to be cold. Ugh, retard. So, she went in search and, to her sadness/horror/happiness, she found him. Or rather, parts of him at a time. His body had been strewn all over the forested cliff side and, when she got to the source of everything, she found herself staring down a massive warthog. The warthog was dripping all sorts of raunchy liquids and his tusks were covered with blood and bile. A nasty, nasty creature if I ever heard of one. He turned toward my mother and said, "HUR HUR HUR, ANOTHER STUPID HUMAN HAS TRAVELED IN MY MIDST. WHAT PATHETICALLY FRAIL CREATURES YOU ARE. HOWEVER, THIS LAST ONE DID NOT SATISFY, AND SO I AM NOW GOING TO EAT YOU, WOMAN!" In fear, my mother took off running. The warthog was faster, however, and he impaled her right trough the back. Tough luck, Toots. The impact sent me flying and I landed in a little baby heap in some tall grass. But the warthog could smell really good, or something, and sauntered on over to me. My mother was, apparently, half hanging out of his mouth punching and pounding on the massive jaw. "IT SICKENS ME TO THINK OF HOW WEAK AND PUNY YOU MORTALS ARE. RESISTANCE IS POINTLESS, WOMAN!!!" And with that, he snapped my mom right in two. I was pretty much a goner by this time. Seriously, everything looked grim. Am I a cyborg? AHHH, JUST A BEAUTIFUL CYBORG!!! No, I wasn't, cause the nun wasn't done with the damn story yet! Hurry it up, wench! But, continuing, just as the warthog was about to trample me, my mother's torso (with head and arms still attached mind you) jumps(?) in the way, grabs me football style, and then leaps off a cliff. Jesus Christ, lady.

So we're falling, I'm crying, and my mother is bleeding about as much as anyone would without their vital lower organs still wrapped in a nice skin sack. And just when it looks like we'll be hitting the bottom soon, my mother chants, "Evil reve lliw ohw nosrep tseixes, tsi-emosewa, ssakcik tsom eht! Eel evas esaelp!" Creepy demonic shit, I tell ya. But, because this story just couldn't be anymore on crack, a grand phoenix parts the sky and comes down from the cosmos and tells my mother, "SURE, BITCH. THIS KID'S THE SHIZZ". The phoenix then takes me from my mother, who then proceeds to become nothing but a red smear on the jungle floor, and swops high into the cloudy sky. And he made a rainbow with his tail. Hmm, how pretty. Get it, it's a happy ending. I live. The nun then finishes the story about how the phoenix set me down on the streets of Notre Dame, gets killed, and then I am found by her where I grow up to only ring the orphanage bells for eternity. Except for without the bell ringing. And the eternity.

"Surely, you must be kidding, Ma'am", I say to her in disbelief, "That story was too bizarre to be true, was it not?" "...I guess you're right", she says to me, "I just made it up . . . or did I?" She then precedes to laugh her cackly, old woman-ish laugh and I totally just walk away with nothing but a headache and no proof if her story was even true. It couldn't be right? _RIGHT?!_ Oh, who cares. Maybe I just don't wanna know. Especially after that. I couldn't care less. So, I stayed in that orphanage for a few years and, like, nobody got taken to families. And why would they? This is China, people. Chinese people have enough babies of their own without having to adopt one. I never became friends with the other kids because they simply had no style or grace. And while I had rather ragged clothes myself, I knew I would be destined for a life of style one day. I knew. So I merely separated myself from the rest of the children.

The only reason I left the orphanage was because I was forced to. We all were. There was a freak explosion in the kitchen that set the cook on fire. And he didn't give up without a fight. He ran through the building shrieking and cursing and lite that nun on fire in the process. Soon, all the caretakers were set on fire, which wasn't very mind you, and they preceded to light the beds, the furniture, the toys, you name it, on fire. So, in effect, the whole orphanage burned down. And if only that cook would've been smarter to just stop, drop, and roll. But, sadly, I was the only one to get out and I looked back to find a lot of corpses burning. A normal person would've been traumatized . . . but I just brushed it off as a way to start a new life while getting rid of the old one. And, with only the clothes on my back, I made my way into the world of fashion.

But not really. I was still a dirty little child with no family. And, apparently, sad children just aren't as effective as they once were. I'd give these people the saddest, watery eyes I could, and still nothing. Heartless, the lot of 'em. Well, one day, I finally got recognized for my good boyish looks. Kinda. This guy walks up to me and flashes the brightest light in the world in my eyes. I scream from my position of digging in the garbage can (to look for thrown away fashion magazines) and fall to the floor. I then hear this gruff voice that says, "Hey kid, I took your picture to put it in a magazine in hopes that someone will find and adopt you". "Thank you, sir", I stutter. "No prob, kid", and then his massive footsteps fade away. I truly believe that man was God making his way back up to Heaven. And because I believed that man was God, I also believed that he was going to grant me the wish of the perfect fashion-ista family. Boy, was I ever ready. I had so much enthusiasm as a young boy. But, instead, as you all know, I got the Devil. Heihachi as he is also known.

The day he showed up was sunny and warm. The perfect "happy" kind of day, you know. And when he found me he said, "Hey, boy, take a look at yur new DADDY!" And with that, I turned around and was graced with his presence. Sadly, his clothes deceived me. He had a gorgeous tiger-striped coat on of real fur and white fur trim for the collar and sleeves. His pants resembled black silk, and his shoes were of the highest quality leather. Sure, his hair needed a bit of work, but this man, I convinced myself, truly knew the meaning of fashion. Damn myself to Hell, Lee. I was in such awe by his fashion that I just stood there with tears building up in my eyes. I rushed over to hug him and imagined everything we would do together. Like model walking, and clothes designing, and fancy living. I was so happy. So very happy. When in reality I should've been sad. So very sad. But, anyway, he peeled me off of him and told me to wait in the spot he placed me in because he wanted to show me my new brother. Then, he peered down at me over his nose, squinting them ever so slightly, and, with a twitch of one of them, ordered me not to move or die. Yeah, I didn't move.

The man was gone for quite a long time and I was starting to doubt if he'd ever come back for me. But I would not move because I didn't want to die. I started believing that he was stealthily hiding above me, daggers and swords in hand, ready to strike if I even made one little move. And this scarred me so much that I vowed to stay there the rest of my life if need be. When he finally came back, he was madly dashing in and out of alleyways and such. When he spotted me, he came to an abrupt halt. With his abrupt halt came a tiny thud and crack. I wondered what that was until Heihachi stepped out of the way to reveal a young man with nice school clothes on, fancy shoes, but atrocious hair. It must be some kind of family thing. It looked a lot like his fathers except for the fact that it wasn't out at the sides but, instead, looked like it had been pulled from the sides and snapped somewhere in the back to create his frightening point.

My new father and I continued to stare at this boy for a long time. An uncomfortably long time. Seriously, it was getting kinda spooky now. But, thankfully, Heihachi got fed up with this and demanded the boy get up with a "Get up, Boy, and say hello!" The boy opened his eyes slowly to gain his bearings and then looked straight at me. And he just kept on staring at me. Again, I felt nervous and rather spooked. But not only was the boy staring at me, but he looked like he was getting sick too. I really thought Heihachi had mentally retarded him when Kazuya (you know, the boy) ran into his back. Heihachi pulled me aside and told me to go hug "the one with the ugly hair" and say "Hello Brother!" all bright and cheery. Since I was still afraid of his death threat, I did just as I was told. Kazuya didn't hug me back and I was starting to truly believe that had some sort of mental retardation. I feared he would start to drool on me soon. But, Heihachi came over, hit him over the head (for not being polite I suppose), and knocked him out again. Well, if he wasn't retarded, he had some sort of brain trauma.

Heihachi tied a rope around Kazuya and started dragging him back to the jet. He then turned to me and said, "This is the start of something new and exciting for you, kid. Remember that I am doing this because I am kind. No one else would take you in, but I am kind. I am kind. Kind man right here. You see me?! I'm kind, dammit! Seriously though, I welcome you with all the kindness I've got. Cause I am. Kind I mean". His babbling was starting to scare me and every time he said the word "kind" I started to believe that maybe he wasn't so kind. So anyway, he got in the jet with the still unconscious Kazuya (after he threw him into the cargo bin) and we sat in the most uncomfortable silences ever. It was kinda like one of those times where you're sitting with people you don't really know or haven't even met before, but you're put in a room together and no one says anything because no one knows what to say, so then you get a heightened sense of things and start to be able to hear everything. One cough seems to echo in the tiny room that increasingly becomes smaller, you hear any sniff, breath, or sigh that anyone makes, and that makes you restless. You see shifty eyes glancing to and fro but never making contact to avoid the awkwardness of being noticed. The room becomes hot, no one talks, minutes seem like hours, and then you wonder what the Hell got you into this situation in the first place, but you can't remember because your brain has gone numb because all the blood pooled to your hands and feet, and you start to feel sweat drip down your face. But you don't make any sudden movements to wipe it away so as not to bring attention to yourself. The room starts spinning, you start panicking, and, finally, whatever the Hell you where there for saves you. And then, freedom. Yeah, it was kinda like that.

When we arrived, I thought we had landed to stay in a hotel. The place was so ginormous and there were little bell hop guys and maids and stuff all over the place. So when we walked inside and he told me this was my new home, I was shocked beyond reason. Seriously, this guy was so rich that he must have had butlers for his butlers butlers. As I was still glancing around admiring the view, he asked me what my name was. "Lee, sir", I said. "Sir?!" he belted, "No, call me Dad! That's what I am to you now. And straighten up, look sharp, and let your voice be heard, son!" taken aback, I shyly responded "Yes. Sorry, sir". He gave me a rather exasperated expression probably on account of the fact that I called him sir again. But he was just so scary, I was having a hard time adjusting to him. He then leads me into Kazuya's room where he pulled out some nice looking clothes and proceeded to hand them to me. We wandered down the hallway a bit before Heihachi turned around and told me to go take a bath and freshen myself up. I just kinda stared at him. I never been told to take a "bath" before, so I had no idea what he was talking about. He looked at me like I had sprouted fifty arms and almost fainted. Had I done something so terrible? Why, yes indeed I had. Seriously, now, I take, like, three showers per day. Ah, to be young and . . . stupid. He helped me bath myself properly and exclaimed that he'd never do it again so I'd better get it right the first time. It felt really nice to be clean and warm. My hair was smooth, my skin was free of dirt and grime, and I didn't stink like garbage and shame anymore. The clothes Heihachi gave me were soft and fit kind of loosely on me. Nonetheless, they were quite comfortable. Basking in the glow of happiness, father told me to go surprise my brother once again. Then he looked past me, disbelief in his eyes, and started to run back outside. "Go wait in Kazuya's room!" he screamed while running desperately. It was only then I'd realized that he'd left Kazuya in the jet, still tied up. Seriously, he didn't seem all the kind to me. And a tad senile.

After a couple minutes of admiring the room, father brought Kazuya up from the jet and tossed him on the bed. He also told me to keep a good watch on him and to not leave him out of my sight. Ok, whatever. So, I sat there and intensely watched him. That's right, I wasted my time staring at a sleeping guy. Awesome. So, as I was staring at him, he started to mutter things in his sleep. I was too far away from him to hear what he was saying. But it sounded like a big long demonic chant, and I really wanted to see if he was cursing me, so I got closer and leaned over him in order to hear what he was saying. It was just a lot of incoherent mumbles and some cursing aimed at Heihachi. Just as I was getting up to leave, cause he was boring me to death, he woke up and smacked his head right into mine. Now I thought I was going to get brain damage. "What the Hell are you doing?" he screamed at me. My eyes hadn't quite focused yet and it looked like there were about eight mad Kazuya's in the room. I couldn't manage to say anything, and I had seriously thought I was going to die. When, out of the blue, he tackles me off the bed and I hit the ground hard. I still think, to this day, that he was trying to kill me. So now I to catch my breath while correcting all other imbalances in my body. And he was shaking me asking me who the hell I thought I was and who gave me the idea that I could wear his clothes. I was in such a state of panic that I punched him right in the face. Nice solid blow, if I do say so myself. This at least got him off of me and allowed me to explain myself. I said I had no other clothes and that our father had lent these to me. Kazuya continued to glare at me, death in his eyes, and said, "What's your name, kid". I told him it was Lee and the glare never faltered. I didn't think I was going to like Kazuya very much.

After a couple minutes of just sitting in silence, Heihachi comes marching up the stairs, takes one of us under each arm, and then storms back down the stairs complaining about how it was dinner time and that means "get yur asses downstairs!" The food was a lot fancier then I had ever seen and it was only then that I realized how hungry I was. But Kazuya was still glaring at me, so it made me nervous to eat. Heihachi's background talking seemed to release some of the tension, but I still felt as though Kazuya was going to lunge at me again. And just as I was about to start eating, he threw his fork at me. I screamed and ducked under the table, latching onto Father's leg for dear life. God, I saw my life flashing before my eyes. Heihachi rushed under the table to see if I was all right and then started to pat my back and make me feel better. And boy did I. Kazuya seemed just as scared of Heihachi as I did, so I didn't think he'd try anything. And if he wasn't scared of him, at least he was smaller than him and probably couldn't take him out very easily.

Well, Kazuya never did much more to me besides give me death glares and call me a "gay prissy fairy queen" and I didn't like that too much. I was so not one of those things. I did use it to my advantage once and winked coyly at him while he was giving me one of the glares. I startled him, caught him blushing at me, and then looked completely and absolutely disgusted. Praise be to Yevon, it was funny. He staggered out of the room and never gave me the glare ever again. But for the most part, Kazuya kept to his own business and I kept to mine. However, there was this one time when I heard a knock on the door and decided to answer it. And boy I'm happy that I did. It was a man with a package addressed to Kazuya. I asked the nice man what it was and he said he wasn't too sure but could I sign off on the damn papers, please. Okay, so maybe he wasn't so nice after. Nonetheless, I signed for them, brought them inside, and placed the package on Kazuya's bed. But I just couldn't stop myself from wondering and decided to see what was inside. I peeled back the tape, threw back the padding, and dug in deep. And to my surprise, it was a pair of sneakers. Wow, Kazuya spent money on sneakers when he didn't even wear them. What an idiot. And for $5999, he was a rich idiot, but what else is new. It was then I remembered that Kazuya had told me to never, ever go in his closet. Ever. So I didn't know what was inside. But I am no fool, and started to put the pieces together. Kazuya doesn't wear sneakers, but he'll pay ungodly amounts for them. I can't go in his closet, but he never told me why. Hehehe, this was too great. Plus, the previous day he pushed my face into my cereal bowl and ate the remainder of the cereal I was going to pour in my own bowl so now I had to suffer with healthy barf flakes instead. Well, brother, revenge will be most swift. I grabbed onto the solid gold handles and pulled the closet opened. And what I found inside was a tad sickening. A gigantic pyramid made of nothing but overly priced sneakers. And at the top, there was a pair in a case with a diamond incrusted handle and a name carved out of gold around the jar. "Twah?" I said to myself. What a stupid name. God, Kazuya was so dumb. I took the case off and set it off to the side and then proceeded to dump the nice pyramid into a heap on the ground. But that just wasn't enough. I put on a few pairs and walked around in those for a while. Then I took a couple other pairs and walked through the mud. A few more I gave away to little children and the rest I threw in a garbage can. I know I was being quite heartless, but he was so mean to me and they were just sneakers after all. But I had something special planned for 'Twah'. I stripped off the gold and silver lining and hacked the rest up with a butcher knife. I then kept the remains in a box and put it under my bed for safe keeping. When Kazuya finally came in the room, he asked me what the Hell I thought I was doing. Showtime. I gave him a really sincere smile and said, "These shoes are all really comfortable. I just wanted to try them on". He made a beeline to the closet and demanded to know what I did with the shoes with the gold/silver trim. Hehehahaha. "Oh yeah", I chimed, "Those ones were really cool so I decided to tear off the gold and silver for a school project and I used the black part to make a place mat for Father. I didn't think you'd mind. They're just sneakers after all, you can always buy more". A stupid excuse, but Kazuya bought into it quite nicely. A tear even slid down his cheek. And then he proceeded to beat me up. But it was so worth it to see the mighty Kazuya cry. Cry Kazuya cry! Oh, and by the way, I mixed in the remainder of the shoe shards into his dinner and he ate it all without even noticing. So much for the love between you and your shoes, oh dearest older brother. Muwahahahahaha!

Father was constant-lee buying me new things, and I didn't have a problem with it at all. It was all to make Kazuya jealous as possible, so I milked it for all it was worth. When I wanted something, by golly, I'd ask for it. And get it. What service. Dad started to not like it and Kazuya only "Hmfpt" me away whenever I came flaunting whatever daddy got me this week. I pissed them both off so much and loved it. I acted naive and stupid, but you all know I'm not. Not at all. Plus, now I was living out my dream of having the best fashion in the world. My closet was so gorgeous. One day Kazuya never came back home and father was ecstatic. He threw himself a teeny tinny party in his pants and everyone was invited. Except no one wanted to go, so he was the host and the guests. But I, being the incredible genius that I am, acted like I was sad for Kazuya's sudden disappearance and told Heihachi that I was "so very devastated" and that I would "never get over the heartbreak". Thus, I got more nice things, more disappointment from Heihachi, and, best of all, I didn't have to see Kazuya anymore. Or smell and touch his stinky socks he'd throw on my bed, or find his nasty laundry intermingled with mine, or fight for the T.V., you know, all the essential annoyances.

My life passed in much of the same way it had been for a few more years. And then I think father just couldn't stand me anymore. He wanted to kill someone, and it was not me. He thought I was weak, but, you know what, poo poo on him. I could kick his flabby old man ass any day any time. He really wanted to kill Kazuya and God forbid it from me to stop him. Hell, maybe they'd both kill each other and I could take control of everything. The first thing I would do would be to turn the Mishima Zaibatsu into the Lee Talent Agency for Only Talented, Beautiful, and Fashionable Models. Yes, it was so perfect. I watched as father wrote invitation after invitation and sent them out. He told me I could participate in his mighty tournament, but I might get hurt. "Well, I better be careful then", I remarked back at him. Apparently he caught the sarcasm, because he growled at me. Stupid old man, how I hate thee. But anyway, I tagged along, and I was more than ready to claim this business for myself.

Reflecting back on the tournament, there were a lot of freaks there. Quite a few caused me to scream out in fright. There was one man with the most ugly pillar of hair resting atop his head. He was so very dirty looking and his clothes were torn. Ugh, fashion police, we have someone breaking so many laws over here. Then, there was a horrifying man with a beast for a head, many girls wearing skimpy clothes, and alien who kept giving me the stink eyes, and a bunch of others who I felt rather uncomfortable to be around. Heihachi was starting to not look so much like an insane clown . . . if only for a little bit. When I saw Kazuya, I gave him a mean sneer and walked away from him. He probably thought I was going to be all like, "OmG KAZuYA!!1 I sooo00Ooo missed yooo! Why din't yoo tell me where yoo were GoInG?!?!?!?112" But I didn't do that and I don't like him. He probably cried again because of my rudeness. Stupid annoying Kazuya.

I fought a good share of fights, and then lost to Kazuya. Grr, I hate him. But he still couldn't beat down father. Oh buddy, was I wrong. He kicked the crap out of him and threw him over the same cliff Heihachi had thrown him down all those years ago. Hmm, ironic. And I usually love irony, but not in this situation. Kazuya won and I lost. I mean, father was dead and all, but he was a hell of a lot nicer to me than Kazuya ever was. I started working under him in the Mishima Zaibatsu and was pretty degraded. So much so that I don't even want to talk about it. All you need to know is that I cried a lot and plotted revenge. And my dearest brother even help put that in motion for me. He issued another tournament and now I had my chance to defeat him. I had been secretly training, you see. I even got a hand on one of his elusive purple suits and created the ultimate Kazuya dummy with it. His head was a balloon that had a face drawn on it courtesy of me. Depending on my mood, the face would either be scowly, like he always is, or scarred. I much preferred the later. But anyway you look at it, I was pumped and ready to take the company for myself.

The day of the tournament merited much of the same freaky faces. The few new ones weren't much lookers in themselves, but Kazuya sure had the hots for one. So much so, that he rapped her. Hey, I refuse to believe that anyone could like my brother sexually or romantically, so that could really be the only possible explanation. But I've been wrong before. Very rarely, but I have. If she truly did like him and did it with him freely, then she had some major mental problemos. Seriously. Well, it was just about time to take out Kazuya when he shows up. Yes, Heihachi was alive, but how?! Man, what a shock to the system. Those few years were not kind to him. Kazuya teamed up (omg, I know; the world is coming to an end and all that jazz) and we were still beaten. Except, me not so much. I let Kazuya have the most of it. It was their tiff after all. Father was going a bit crazy on Kazuya and beat him pretty senselessly. Almost felt bad for the guy. But the only time I really felt actually sorta kinda bad was when he threw Kazuya into a volcano. Yeah, he would not be coming back from that one. Ouch. Damn, Heihachi was so crazy I hi-tailed it out to the Bahamas, with a nice chunk o' change mind you, and lived there peacefully for quite some time. I just did not want to be associated with those people. I continued to live out my ultimate fashion dream and lived with a few hot tamales (I mean hot ladies for those of you whose parents told you that you were "special"). But seriously, being a recluse was starting to get to me. I had to get back to normal civilization and see if my father was slowly taking over the world. Just as I was about to pack my bags and hit the road, I caught wind of another tournament. And either my father didn't know how to count or I missed the last one. Oh well, time to bring out the old Silver Devil moves baby.

Except this time, I went under the name of Violet and entered a Combot I had into the tournament as well. But this is not his story, dammit! So, I guess I wasn't really the Silver Devil. More like the Violet Devil. But no one even knew it was me for a second so I would have totally given my awesome disguise away if I had used that. I kept my same fighting style and, still, nobody knew. I am just too smart. When I arrived at the tournament, I found out that Kazuya was still alive. I know! Horrifying isn't it?! Next time you think you killed someone, make sure they aren't breathing at all. And, like, chop off their head and ship it somewhere so incase that person was a demon at least now they don't have their head. Really, look into that next time. Don't go through all the trouble of killing someone just to see them again. Obviously, you didn't want to and now they're out for revenge. It's all just messy and complicated but, seriously, make sure they're dead.

So I was having a grand ol' time beating everyone up. Yeah, I still got the mojo. I was pretty much the best. However, my happiness was short lived when I saw my father dressed in the most terrifying napkin in the world. It covered all the essentials in front and barely. Eww, it was like seeing something you never wanted to see and then seeing something else you never wanted to see attached to the thing you never wanted to see! It was awful. And he was just flaunting it around like nothing was wrong. I was under the impression that he thought he looked sexy, which is mind numbing in itself. Whatever the case, I believed he had truly lost his mind and was put in the "cage stage" in order to separate himself from other people. At least, that was what I hoped. It was bad, people. Then, shocker of all shocks, I found out that I had a nephew. And he looked just like Kazuya. Oh man, was I ever scarred of him, but only because of the fact that I thought he _was_ Kazuya. After I found out that he wasn't, I was less terrified but still a little spooked. Seriously, it got to me. To think that my brother actually had potent enough sperm to have a child. What a conundrum. That poor lady he raped all those years ago. Apparent-lee she didn't get an abortion, so either she really wanted to have his baby or she didn't have enough for an abortion. I get the sinking suspicion it was for the former. I'll be damned if I ever understand _that_ relationship. But, yeah, it was just my nephew and his dad was dead, so I'm all good right? Right?! No, I'm not right. Of course Kazuya wasn't dead, as I stated earlier. That would just be too easy. I swear, the Mishima family does not die! And I don't get that. Why not?!?! Wouldn't it just be pathetic if Heihachi died solely of old age and Kazuya followed suit but ended up with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's and turned out to be a nicer person so people actually felt sad when he died? That would just be way too wrong. But it's turning out to look that way. Well, either that or they're both going to live forever. Whatever the case, I was freaked out this time because it was, indeed, Kazuya and he was, indeed, alive. And well . . . kinda. He looked like a train hit him. Numerous times. But that's beside the point. I got scarred and huffed away from him quite hastily. And then, horror of horrors, I had to face him. Not just, like, talk to him, but like actually face him in a fight. Damn it.

I don't really need to tell you that I lost because I'm sure that you knew that already. Please, everybody, dry the tears. It'll be ok. I may have lost this tournament, but there will be others. The worst part of losing to Kazuya was that he knew it was me the whole time. He beat me and embarrassed me in front of tons of people. Ass cannot even begin to describe what he is. He sucks, plain and simple. I hate him so much. So, I took my defeated behind and stalked on outta there not even wanting to see how the tournament was going to end. Like I cared. The only thing I cared about anymore was getting revenge on Kazuya. But this time I'd have to do something more drastic than maiming his sneakers. Killing him would be a good way to go, but I'd really like to have the company first. Yeah, start semi-small and work my way up.

So, while plotting my plots and scheming my schemes, I become aware of yet another King of the Iron Fist tournament. Holy poop, didn't we just have one? Yes, but, apparent-lee, Kazuya couldn't get enough of the Lee-Man and had to get another one going as soon as he could. I'm totally just assuming who won. Only later did I find out it wasn't Kazuya who issued it. Crazy. This time, though, I'm ready to kick some major ass.

So, I conclude my story without a true conclusion. Perplexing. But if I knew everything that happened in my life, then I must be dead. And if I was dead, then someone else would have written this story, and you would have got it all, but not from my mouth. I have unraveled the truth behind the _real_ Heihachi and Kazuya Mishima, and I bet you just hate them. Which you should. Very much. And, of course, you felt my pain during the retelling of events and believe that my life is extremely sadder than there's. And by sad I mean in a tear-jerking way. Not a "man, that's pitiful" kind of sad. Now, my little moral for all of you: "If you were raised in an orphanage and some rich guy only wants to take you in to make his son jealous, milk it for all it's worth, baby!"

A/N: Whoo-hoo! Wasn't that exciting?! Hells yes it was. I will strongely push myself to get the next chapter out sooner. Seriously, I felt bad leaving poor Lee's chapter left undone. Speaking of the next chapter, I'm either going to do Jin or Jun next, but that's up to you! YAY! So, seriously, whoever you want out of those two . . .just pick. It's really quite easy. And keep the reviews coming. They're so nice. You guys spoil me. By the way, when Lee's "mom" is chanting, it's just words written backwards through the whole sentence (just in case you didn't get it) and when Heihachi is constintly saying he is "nice" for a bit up there, it's from 300. The movie. It's good. Go see it. Oh and: constintly . . . constint-lee. Did ya get it?!


	4. Jin Kazama

1A/N: I LIVE!! Yay! Are you excited? I know I am. I finally got this chapter out to you, the wonderful people who love Tekken. And, I must say, that this chapter has been my favorite to write so far. I love Jin. Love him. In a delusional tone I'm gonna marry him one day . . . But seriously, sorry it took so long. However, school is done, I have graduated, and college preparations are almost complete. And, in case you were wondering, this chapter is the longest by far, and I am quite proud of it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Here's a little warning for you. If you are not already aware, the story for Tekken 6 has been floating around the internet and I'm pretty sure it's official. It sounds nice and official anyway. But I incorporated some elements of Tekken 6 into this story, so if you don't want to know about it, then don't read the last paragraph or so. But nothing is really spoiled, but I'm telling you just in case. Thus, I repeat: TEKKEN 6!!!!!! is at the bottom. Thank you.

(I still don't own Tekken. Nor do I work for Namco. And I'm still not rich, dammit. Warnings are the same and all that jazz.)

Child of Fate, Or Just a Cursed Child

As embarrassing as it is for me to say this, I'm related to those people whose stories you just read about. To think that you subjected yourselves to that. I hope your eyes aren't bleeding too much. Oh, by the way, my name is Jin Kazama; son to Kazuya Mishima gag and Jun Kazama yay!, grandson to Heihachi Mishima hurl, and nephew to Lee Chaolan sputter. Thankfully, my mother chose for me to have her last name so it's harder to tell that I'm related to any of those people. But my damn, yet brilliant, genetic make-up has created me into an almost clone of my father. And with a slight resemblance to my grandfather as well, I'm pretty much screwed. But I'll get to them later. Now sit back and enjoy the messed up thing I call my life. This should be fun.

I was born in forest somewhere in Japan to a single mother in a tiny cabin. My mother loved to tell me the story of my birth and how doctors are "so overrated". With all the details left in, she'd tell me exactly how it happened, where it happened, and so on and so forth. It was usually my bed time story, so I heard it way more than necessary. And because I remember it so well, I'll tell you the story. Disgusting non-plot advancing details left out, of course. My mother was sitting outside in a flower field and making a tiara with only the most beautiful of daisies and tulips and such because when you're a nature loving kinda woman, that's just what you do to pass the time. Suddenly, she felt a strange feeling deep inside herself and was convinced that the forest God was giving her a sign. So she stood up and gazed around longingly, waiting for another sign. She got one. And another and another and, well, obviously she was contracting, I mean, geez. Then, she was even more aware that the forest God may not have been the one giving her these painful signs when her water broke. I think she started to realize that she was about to have a baby. Like, in a few hours. I love my mother but . . . sometimes I wonder. She rushed inside and, instead of calling the doctor cause we had no phone, she prepped the couch and gather clean towels, hot water, etc. and then she . . . rushed back outside to get her flower tiara. After retrieval of a thing that she could easily make again, my mother sat down on the couch patiently and waited. Oh yeah, like I was just gonna pop out and be all like, "Hello Mother! Inhales deeply My, what a glorious day to be born!" But, she was so Hell-bent on giving her birth alone and there was really nothing I could do about that. I mean, I was a not-even-born-baby at this time. Finally, she was in so much pain she started the whole "Push!" phase of birth. She'd always laugh at this point in the story because she was both the patient AND the doctor. Oh yeah, that's real funny Mom. Consequently, she took the roles a little too far and was saying to herself, for God knows how long, "Keep pushing, Ms. Kazama" "Ok, Doctor" "There you go. You're doing great. Keep pushing . . . Just a bit more. Ah, here comes the little guy" "Oh, I'm so happy!" . . . . . . hmm. Her story then continues with the whole smacking of the bottom, the cutting of the umbilical cord, the cleaning of the birth junk, and the passage of the placenta. I hated the end of the story. It always made me nauseous no matter how many times I heard it. Be glad I spared you the details, or you'd be nauseous too. It was always hard to sleep after that story.

But like I said, I was born in a tiny cabin in a forest. That meant that there were absolutely no other people around for a good long while. But my mother told me that "people are corrupt, evil, and dirty and try to take things from others while never being satisfied with the things they have" and I believed her because she was the only thing to believe. Obviously, I grew up and was associated with people only to find out that my mother was pretty much telling the truth. Except she forgot to tell me that some people are fucking bastards that not even a mother could love because they're deceitful and so full of it that their ego could rupture at any moment with enough power to decimate a country. But I'll get back to those people later. My mother told me lots of things that I had no choice but to believe. Television was the devil, people were the devil, electronics were the devil, and so on. Practically everything was the devil except nature and us. But she couldn't just tell me that things were the devil; no, she had to emphasize it with little tasks for me to do in order for me to understand just how "the devil" they were. I can remember one time in particular in which my mother had woke me up from sleeping and told me to come downstairs as quickly as possible. Being the little naive child that I was, I rushed to get downstairs because I thought there was trouble. I kinda wish there would have been something wrong, because I don't want to have to go through what I did ever agin. You wanna know what happened? Well, don't worry, I'm not gonna pull a Ryan Seacreast on you and tell you after an un-Godly long commercial break. Cause I'm cool like that. But anyway, as I made my way down the stairs, I noticed it was pitch black and raining outside. And if that wasn't creepy enough, when I got to the bottom floor, I realized that Mother had only lit one lantern and it was coming from the kitchen. When I walked in, my mother was turning up the heat on the stove top (I realize I said that my mom thought electronics and all that other stuff was the devil, but even she had to understand that having heat for food is important sometimes . . . yeah) but I could only see her faintly. When I walked into the light a little, my mother spotted me and drew me close to her. "Jin," she began, "I never want to see you get hurt, but sometimes it's inevitable. I know you think that squirrel didn't like you yesterday because it ran away from you, but that pain heals. Nature is always there to be your friend, so, in effect, that squirrel will _always_ be your friend. But people, and appliances, are completely different. Now . . . touch the stove top and put one of your hands directly on the burner." So I did. I remember the searing pain so well and I looked into my mother's eyes. She grabbed my hand and stuck it back on the burner, holding it there. "That's what Hell feels like, Jin. Can you feel the flames threatening to engulf your hand? Well, in HELL it will be around your entire body! Eating away at you!! It's where THE DEVIL lives!!! " When she finally let my hand go, she took me out into the storm and held me above her head screaming, "Oh sweet, merciful God and forest alike, please heal the hand of my young child! He has learned a valuable lesson here tonight and now realizes the horror of Hell! Repentance!!!" I remember getting really wet and hoping that lightening wouldn't hit me, but, overall, I was glad my mother had saved me from Hell and the devil. Yes, I actually took satisfaction from the fact that my mother was burning my hand off. What the Hell was wrong with me? Apparently, that's also thanks to the devil.

But it's not like my mother spent lots of time torturing, I mean cleansing, me of various acts of the devil; she actually took time to train me as well. Of course, it was all in self defense, but at least it was something. I was allowed to go on long walks through the forest and I even picked up certain herbs and such for my mom when she asked me to. Taking a soothing bath in a nice river or something was also relaxing, and every night at dinner, we said a prayer. The only reason I'm telling you all this is so you can become increasingly more aware that it doesn't stay this way. God forbid someone to be too happy. Around the time I was 15, my mother became more shut out to the world. I would find her deep in thought with a worried look on her face. It affected me greatly, and I always tried to cheer her up or get my mind off the pain be occupying my time with something meaningless and stupid. And at this point in the story, you're probably wondering why it turned all morbid and why my gentle sarcasm is not gracing your presence. Well, I think it's a rather solemn part of the story and should be told that way. And if you think it's still funny right now, then you're a creepy, creepy person. Ehh. Don't worry, though, I can't keep it sad for long. Anywho, one day my mother comes up to me out of the blue and says she has some important stuff to tell me. Well, ok whatever. So I followed her downstairs and sat on the couch waiting for her to continue. She started to sit down, but jumped up suddenly in a flash. "The windows! They know!" she gasped and ran to ever window shutting and locking it. She had given me a slight heart attack, and I was currently recovering from it. Well, as she sits down, the weather turns all ominous and cloudy. Hmm, that's not foreshadowing anything. My mother took my hands in hers and let out a big sigh. Then, she looked directly into my eyes and stated: "Jin . . . Did you make your bed." UGH! I thought she was going to tell me something important! Well, she still was, but she wanted me to make my bed first. "No, Mother, I'll go make it now." I trudged back up stairs, made the damn bed, and hurried back down to the couch and took my previous position. The clouds were getting darker and thunder could be heard in the distance. Did you feel that? It's the Foreshadowing!mallet hitting you over the head. Again, my mother took my hands in hers and she seemed really worried tell me whatever she was going to tell me. "Jin. You've grown up into such a handsome young man. But I think it's time I tell you about the birds and the bees." Taking this story off on a tangent for a second, I want to comment that it was extremely awkward going through puberty with only my mom there. She did the best she could, but she didn't know much about boys. And it showed. When I was going through the "voice deepening" stage, my mother would tell me that God was tuning my voice in preparation for when I would go to Heaven and sing with the angelic choir and he was testing out different ranges and _that_ is why it was squeaking so badly. And when I had . . . hormonal problems I . . . well, let's just say that she never thought I had hormones. And stuff. But bringing this back on course, my mother had already told me about "the birds and the bees" though it was rushed, muttered, giggled, whispered, and stuttered through. So I knew only that "a boy . . . he he! Well, oh dear, a man . . . like, well, you would . . . well, hehe, he meets a girl . . . and, hmm, they, well . . . make a . . . hahe! Ohh, they . . . well, they . . . make a baby. AH! I said it!" So, I gathered from that the rather cryptic speech courtesy of my mother that if I was here, then there must have been a male out there who got with my mom and made me. Simple, yet incomplete. I find it strange that she could explain birth in such detail, but copulation scares her. I quickly told my mother, "Wait Mom, you've already explained the birds and the bees to me." "I have?" she asked looking eager. "Uh . . . yes." And then joy took her face, "Oh good. Let's go to the next topic then!" I was happy to get out of that uncomfortable situation, let me tell you. "Well, now that you know about sex, I guess we can get straight to the point of who your father was! Oh, he was a dashing man. Rather mean to animals and nature, but dashing none the less. His name was Kazuya Mishima. I had originally entered the Tekken tournament to investigate . . . " I couldn't really keep focused and her story drifted in and out at different times. But I used the strategy of looking her in the face and nodding every so often, laughing if she did. It was working quite efficiently, but I was so bored. " . . . and then we had hot, steamy sex in the training center!" I blinked and chocked on air when she said this, and I also managed to fall off the couch. "Ugh, wha-what?!" I asked, horrified. "Oh, Jin. Are you alright?! I said we had sex. Your father and me." My head was spinning and I wasn't sure if it was because I hit my head falling down or because she had described her encounter as "hot and steamy." Dazed, my mother propped me back on the couch and waited for me to catch my bearings.

A glass of water and several breathing exercises later, I resumed my spot on the couch sitting comfortably back in case another startling revelation threatened to throw me to the floor again. Oh yeah, it was beginning to rain at this time. Ow! Damn that Foreshadowing!mallet. "So," I started still a tad dazed, "where is Dad now, then?" "Well . . . a lot of things happened at this tournament, Jin. Ultimately, your father died." Well, I guess that explained it. However, my mother conveniently left out the part where it was my grandfather who killed him. By throwing him into a volcano no less. But the significance of this is yet to come. "And, if anything should ever happen to me, I want you to seek out your grandfather, Heihachi Mishima." Great, so not only could something potentially hazardous happen to my mother, but now I have to stay with a crazy wacko who enjoys throwing people into volcanos. Awesome. Of course, nothing was ever going to happen to my mother, right? Yeah . . . sure.

After telling me all she knew, my mother told me to "get up to bed, ya scamp" and that she'd see me in the morning. Of course, by this time the rain was coming down harder ouch!, the wind started up ugh!, and the thunder and lightening were crashing seemingly every 5 seconds Ow, damn!. Laying comfortably in my bed, I began to feel uneasy about the encroaching night. I got out of bed silently and crept over to my mother's room. But she wasn't in there. I assumed that she must've been downstairs making tea or something. However, you know what they say about assuming: it makes an ass out of you and me. And, of course, she wasn't in the kitchen, living room, or even inside at all. The door had been left opened slightly, and as I walked closer to the door, I heard my mother's voice coming from outside. I peered through the slit and saw my mother standing there. But who was she talking to? Well, you all know she was talking to Toshin. The awesome fighting God. And you all know what happens next, don't you? He was a monstrously large being and his red eyes were all that was cutting through the rain and darkness. He was dressed kind of gayly, but if he swings that way, then more power to him. Anyway, I couldn't understand what my mother was saying, but Toshin's booming voice seemed to cut through the downpour. However, I couldn't understand what he was saying, cause, well you know, he's some kind of ancient God thing and, thus, speaks in an ancient tongue. So I don't know if Mom understood him or not, but she screamed something back at him which prompted the monster to walk toward my mother. I flung open the front door and rushed out in front of my mother, seemingly drenched from only the few seconds I had been outside, and "put up my dukes" so to speak. My mother was then clinging to my arm, pleading for me to go back inside. But I didn't listen to her. This guy really wanted to harm her. I could tell by the sinister glow of his eyes. I charged him and he pretty much kicked the crap out of me. Like, one hit K.O. Thinking about it is so insulting.

I woke up the next day and noticed that neither my mother nor Toshin was anywhere to be found. Brushing the dirt off as I stood up, I gathered my bearings and called out for my mother. When I got no response, I became frantic and searched everywhere she could've been but to no avail. Obviously, I was devastated. But I couldn't dwell on her death for long, because I knew I had to avenge her. So, I recalled the words she had told me only a few hours before and started walking to my grandfather's house. My will was absolute. I would get revenge. But I had one teeny, tiny problem. My mother had failed to inform me of the address or location of my grandfathers' house. And after a few hours, I realized this. Sadly, I wandered far from the house my mother and I had shared, so, basically, I was lost. Really lost. Good thing I know how to survive in the wild, huh. I decided that, in the morning, I would get directions or something. And I didn't even pack an extra pair of clothes or anything. Lord, I'm smart sometimes.

As I was gathering the necessary materials for sleeping on dirt, I was greeted by an ominous presence. God damn, not another one. The last time an ominous presence graced my path I wound up with no mom. I turned, ready to fight, to face a shadowy flying creature. His eyes were red, like Toshin's, and this caused me deeper fear that something bad was going to happen. The figure looked at me for a while and I looked at it, too scared to move. I then felt a sharp pain in my arm starting on my left shoulder and reaching down to about the mid part of my upper arm. I went to grasp it, and noticed something forming on my skin. It turned out to be a weird symbol, and I glanced toward the entity, expecting some sort of reaction or response. Instead, the creature took off into the air and wisped away through the dark night sky. I looked up for a bit, determining what had happened, and screamed. One of the most horrifying experiences ever. Plus, now I had this weird mark on my skin, which I knew nothing about, and my fire was starting to go out. I put a few more sticks on the fire and looked at my arm in the soft light. Curious, I started to poke it, seeing if I would get any reaction. When nothing happened, I shook my arm around a bit, then a little more, until I was basically flinging it everywhere. Well, obviously, nothing happened. Then I tried to pick at it a bit, but it wouldn't come off. Great, my mom's dead and now I have a tattoo. Granted it was for free, but I learned that tattoos were the devil. Go figure.

After the delightfully uncomfortable sleep on the ground, I went to the nearest stream to wash my face and decide on a course of action. The best idea I could come up with was to follow the closest river along it's banks and hope that I would eventually come to some sort of building or civilization or something. I was already feeling my chances of getting anywhere diminishing. But I sucked it up and began my, God only knows how long, trip. And I walked and walked and, well, it was a lot of walking with a lot of the same scenery. I started to think I was going backwards sometimes and then I'd get confused and backtrack. It was so awful. I plopped down next to the river and noticed it was about mid-day. I had been walking forever with no sign I had made any progress, but then hope on four legs came stumbling into view. It was a deer. Now, you all are probably thinking that I was going to eat it, but I had bigger plans for this little guy. I recalled a time when I had witnessed my mother riding around on one, with birds and other woodland creatures flocking around her no less, and it was reasonably fast. Now, I'm no where near as petite as my mother was, but I was still only a 15 year old child. My muscles were barely noticeable and I was still kinda short. So, I figured this plan would work out, but I had to get the animal to trust me enough to let me get on. My mother had a natural short of kindness that animals just sort of trusted. Very Snow White. Unfortunately, I lacked the grace and charm of my mom, so it was up to me to woo the animal all on my own. I said things like, "C'mere little guy. I won't hurt you," and "Let me ride on your back, ok? Please? _PLEASE?!_" But it stood there staring at me like I was a total idiot. Ergh, I was never gonna get anywhere. So, I decide to be less than civil with it. I jumped on it. And boy did it take off. It ran the direction I had been going before, so I was all good with that. The only regret I have with doing that was pain I received in my groan-al region. Every time that little deer jumped or ran into a dip in the ground, it's spine hit me. Hard. Very not pleasant. The pain was getting to me and causing my vision to become blurred with what I think were tears. But, whatever, I was forced to let go. The deer ran of and I laid on the ground, crunching into a ball and holding myself. Yes, it's not a pretty picture, but it hurt more than the fire of one thousand hells. Even more than that hotplate thing, actually. I decided I would spend the night recovering and look for my grandfather in the morning. I waded into the river at about up to my waist and let the water . . . "heal" me. And it was freezing, so it felt really horrible for my legs and feet, but wonderful for my goods. After I had sufficiently frozen everything, I went back and laid down on the dirt and let the warm night's breeze dry me off.

In the morning, the pain in my crotch had subsided and, God, I was happy. I'll never ride a deer again. Too much pain and suffering. That deer probably made the vow to never come in contact with people again. And while I wouldn't blame it, I don't think many people try to gallivant around on deers. But I've been wrong before. Going to the stream to wash myself of dirt and grime, I noticed in the reflection in the river a ways up the reflection of something hidden among the trees. Finishing up my task, I continued going up river, passing a few groups of trees, and enter into a clearing. I looked to my left and saw the most phantasmagorically large building. Shock and awe were what I was feeling and I think my heart may have stopped. Of course, when you live in a tiny cabin all your life surrounded by trees, the reaction would happened for a normal sized house. My reaction was two-fold. I then realized, had that deer gone a little farther, I would have been able to sleep indoors for a night. Well, maybe. I still assumed all people were nice like my mom at that time. So, I had mixed reactions of anger and sadness. But whatever, maybe the people inside could tell me how to get to where Heihachi Mishima lives. As I passed the front gates, I noticed gold statues of a man all over the court yard. As impressive as they were, the man depicted was quite horrifying. I remembering hoping that the man inside would be nice even if it was the man in the hundreds of sculptures.

As I approached the doorway, I noticed that the handle bars were also made of gold and there was a sign the read 'Heihachi Mishima' in silver letters, so I must've been in the right place. Lord, how much money does this guy have? Well, a lot obviously. But, seriously, gold handle bars? Or, moreover, gold statues? Of yourself?! Hmm. But I knocked on the door and waited patiently. Finally, I heard a gruff voice on the other side of the door saying, "Keep yur pants on," and then the doors started opening. The figure on all the statues greeted me in person, but he had a look of complete and absolute terror on his face. I announced, sternly and informatively, that I was the son of Jun Kazama and Kazuya Mishima and that I was suppose to come see him if something should ever happen to my mom. He continued to look at me with diminishing fear in his eyes and regained his composure finally. "You don't say?" he said, looking me up and down. "Well, come in then, Boy. Don't stand there gawking." Hurriedly, I followed him into the mansion, always keeping a good distance between us. He turned around and asked me to sit on the couch and wait while he went to take care of some business. So I sat down and was almost engulfed by the material of the couch. I was sinking into it and clawing my way out and, when I had managed to shuffle out and sit more on the edge of the man-eating furniture, he came back and sat down on the couch opposite mine. "Now," he began, "Tell me all that has happened so I can be aware of the current situation." I did. He listened quite intently and, when I was done, he asked me, "So. What do you want to do, Boy?" I stood up, fist clenched to my sides, and stated: "I want to get revenge . . . for my mother!" And then fireworks shot up behind me while an up-lifting Lets-go-get'em kind of music started playing. Except not really, but it would have been cooler if it had. I think this man, my grandfather, was impressed with either my determination or my hatred to kill something and decided to train me. I was pretty pumped, let me tell you. When all that emotion was out of the way, my grandfather started asking me questions of how and where I lived, my training thus far, etc. I told him all about he cabin and the nature food and about the Kazama style of self defense. He cocked his head to the side a little and told me, slowly, to follow him up stairs. "See. When we get to the stairs, we go up them. Then, you are upstairs. I'll save the downstairs tutorial for later." I gave him a sideways glance and looked at him funny. "Here. Let me help you, Jin." What. The. Hell. I was so confused, I let him help me. He was getting to be stranger than previously conceived and when he lead me into my bedroom, I finally figured out why. "See. This is a bed. A BED. You sleep on this, see," he modeled sleeping on the bed, "and you use these sheets. See them? You use them to stay warm. And this. This is a pillow. A pil-low. You put your head on it. See?" As he informed me on how to sleep, I realized that he thought, because I lived in a cabin and, thus, outdoors, that I wasn't aware of how to sleep "properly". Truthfully, this pissed me off. I tried to tell him that I already knew all these things but he'd just interrupt saying, "Oh, it's all right, Grandbaby. You'll get it all soon enough," while patting me on the shoulder. As furious as I was, I let him direct me around nodding my head to make him understand that I understood. It was all very degrading. As he was showing me through the mansion, he stopped abruptly and turned around on one heel to face me. "I can't believe I haven't shown you how to bath with soap yet. Oh, you poor dear!" he emphasized his sadness by grabbing me in a bear hug and swaying my head from side to side. Of course, he sort of had a point. The only soap I'd ever used was the soap my mom made. It wasn't bad soap, but, if you've ever made soap in chemistry, it was much like that. And if you haven't, soap made in chemistry classes can burn skin, if not made properly, not have a very soapy consistency, and, for all the hard work, you get small chunks of it. So, in all fairness to my grandfather, I suppose I never really bathed with _real_ soap before. He lead me into the bathroom and told me to get undressed and go around the corner until I found the tub. Taking my clothes off and putting them to the side, I turned the corner and was greeted with the sight of the biggest bear I'd ever seen, taking a bath. In the tub. I screamed. But so did the bear (well, I guess it growled), as it reached for the curtain and closed it. I was practically crawling up the wall now and my grandfather came running in to see what was going down. He looked at my scared expression and then into the tub. "KUMA!" he screamed, angrily, "Get yur ass outta there this INSTANT! I told you, this is not YOUR tub! Yours is in the basement!" The fact that there was a bear in the tub had scared me enough, but to find out that it baths in tubs often was almost scarier. After my grandfather had scooted the bear downstairs, had a maid clean the tub out (hair you know), and had some other maid fill it was fresh water, he told me to get in. The water was hotter than the water in any other bath I had taken before, but it felt really nice. He gave me the bar of soap and said that after I learned to lather and rinse properly, he would show me how to shampoo and condition. Of course, he modeled all that for me too, but I'll skip the details and just tell you that I learned how to do it "properly". Another horrifying task of his was to show me how to use the bathroom properly. I got it, ok, I got it. Eww.

I spent the next few years training and, finally, I built up some muscle mass. But, damn, sometimes his training exercised were so stupid and hard. I remember one time with great scorn. We had been leaving the training center and were climbing the stairs. He was in front of me and, when we got to the top, he pushed me down them. "If you want to eat, or sleep, you must make it past me. However, while you are devising a plan to accomplish that goal, you must also deal with poisonous snakes," and he pulled a lever at the top of the stairs to open up doors that thousands of snakes crawled through, "and if you somehow manage to defeat the snakes, but have still not defeated me, you must face Kuma. Training . . . BEGIN!" God, I hated him so much that day. I would frantically run up the stairs only to be thrown back down them and into the pit of snakes. Kuma stood off to the side laughing (?) at me and Heihachi stood at the top of the stairs, peering down at me, waiting for my next move. Finally, I got the idea to gather a snake in each hand, hurriedly hurl them at my grandfather, and make a leaping tackle while he was distracted. It worked well enough to where I could scramble away and into the living room. Heihachi gave a monstrous laugh and patted me on the back saying, "Oh, man. Time for bed." So I still didn't get to eat that night. And you're probably thinking he didn't either, but, when my training started, he pulled another lever and a plate of chicken came out of the wall. Bastard.

Many times, my grandfather would come into my room and read me a bedtime story. I'd try to tell him that I didn't want one, but he'd say that everyone loves bedtime stories. But the stories weren't normal "And they lived happily ever after" type of deals. Instead they were stories of how corrupt and evil my father was. Heihachi told me of the bad things he'd done including some things he made up to trick me into hating my father further. At the time, I didn't know that some of the things he said were untrue, but what, really, did I have to go off of? Nothing. So I believed that my father was a nature hating drug addict who beat women, tripped old people, ate babies, kicked puppies, burned down orphanages, slaughtered children, and made a pact with the devil. Well, I certainly didn't like him after knowing that. Too bad that, like, more than half of that was all a lie. It may as well have been true though. My father was just as bad as my grandfather, though I still had yet to determine _that_ fact as well. Ah, to be young and a total idiot.

But I couldn't get away with just training. I also had to be educated . . . I guess. So I was enrolled in the Mishima Poly Technical Institution or whatever the Hell it was called. All I know that it was run by my grandfather and, thus, he had supreme authority over what went on there. Even though I was away from him, I was never really _away_ from him. More golden statues of himself were plastered all about the school grounds, and the rumor was that there were cameras hidden in the eyes. I believed it. It's not like he isn't creepy enough already. I did fairly well in school, but I wasn't really there to study anything in particular, nor was I even that interested in it. But I went for the knowledge and for something to occupy my time besides training. And, of course, because my grandfather forced me to. Whatever. I was confined to the mansion and the school, so I never really got out and did anything. Which was fine, but sometimes I felt like taking a walk instead of going straight home. And even though I was limited, I snuck off one day after school and took a walk around town. It was pleasant and the night air was comforting. Unfortunately, because I have the worst luck ever, I stumbled across a gang of thugs who, I suppose, liked to hurt people. For no reason. God, I hate that. I was drawn into their little web of violence and the leader, Hwoarang, decided that he wanted to take me out. And not to dinner. To lunch actually. But I'm totally kidding. He just wanted to kick my ass. I ignored him and kept walking. This only served to enrage him more, and he shoved me a bit. I told him I had no reason to fight him, but God forbid him not to take a backseat and give up. We got in a little tiff and it all ended in a tie. Fine with me, not with him. However, he didn't have the strength to get back up and fight with me, so I took my leave. For the next block, I swore I could hear him screaming, "Kazama! Get back here you ASS!" But I didn't go back, nor had I any intention to fight that guy ever again. So, too bad for him right? No, of course I meet back up with him in the Tekken tournament, but we haven't reached that part of my story yet. When I returned home that night, my grandfather was furious and made sure that I was monitored from then on when not in building A (the mansion) or building B (the school). It was actually kind of a blessing, because now I could ignore that guy even better.

In school, I didn't have many friends, but that's because I didn't want any. Besides, the people that went to that school were so obnoxious it was hard to be around them for even five minutes. In a few classes I had to sit next to this kid who said, "I like eggs," all the time. It was very distracting and I fostered an extreme hatred for this student. Other than that, everyone else was just annoying. Concerning themselves with going shopping, gossip, and people of the opposite gender (sometimes the same gender) was good enough. Thus, I felt like I really didn't fit in, nor did I try. There was one girl, though, that would constantly bug me and say, "Hey, Jin!" all hyper and bubbly every time see saw me. Her name is Ling Xiaoyu. Even after I had ignored her many times, she continued to pursue my attention. And I never really got that. You'd think she'd want to be around people who smiled all the time and said things like, "Super Awesome" and "Nu-uh Girlfriend!" but, no, she wanted to hang out with the most anti-social person in the school. I figured she was trying to get me all happy like her by talking to her and joining clubs with her and such. Of course I didn't, but I didn't mind her company after a while either. She's nice enough, I suppose. One time, after school, I was beginning my trek home and she came running up to me saying, "Hey, Jin!" and starting talking about something or another. I just kind of ignored her and nodded every so often. Finally, I asked her why she was following me. "Well," she began, "I need to get home too, ya know. And the path you're taking just so happens to be the same path I take. Hehe!" Vowing never to take that path again, we rounded the corner and came face to chest with this humongous panda. I scrambled back in fear, and noticed how Ling got on the panda's back and started riding it home. "See ya tomorrow Jin!" she said waving. Giving her a little flip of my hand, I continued to stare at the panda. As they rounded another corner farther down the road, I came to my senses. As if the panda itself wasn't scary enough, it carried it's own little purse and bracelets. What the hell is wrong with some people? Bears aren't human beings and should, thus, not be wearing human accessories nor taking human baths. Oi.

A few years later, Heihachi gave word of the 3rd King of the Iron Fist Tournament. I really hoped the bastard who killed my mother would be there, and my grandfather reassured me that he'd be there. "Of course he'll be there," he began with a cocky smirk, "I'm fighting, you know. And he only goes after the _strongest_ fighters." Then he'd do that crazy laugh of his, and I'd just sit there and sigh. Whatever. When we finally got to the tournament grounds, there were a lot more people than I expected to be there. A lot of older people who seemed to recognize (and hate) each other. There was one guy in particular who disliked Kuma to a great degree. And even though he was funny looking, I thought he couldn't be that bad because he also hated creepy, human-like bears. But I found out later what a big loser he was and decided it best just to ignore him. And his name is Paul Phoenix. My greatest surprise was finding out that Ling and Hwoarang were fighting in this tournament too. And, of course, Ling found me and ran over waving her arms and screaming, you guessed it, "Hey, Jin!" Trying to ignore her I turned and started walking away slowly. But she was very persistent. "Wait! Jin Kazama! Hold up, buddy!" My last name spoken caused the Korean punk to have something trigger in his brain instigating a loud, "Kazama! Where?! I still need to kick your ass, you bastard!!" All the participants started looking around at all the young new comers who were making a huge hubbub, and I wanted to die. But then, to make matters worse, my grandfather comes over to me and says, "Come on, Grandbaby! We need to get you registered." And as I walked off with an old guy hanging from my shoulder, I realized that I was being whispered about. And not in a good way. Apparently, everyone here pretty much hated Heihachi AND my father. With good reason I'm sure, but it also caused some of the hate to be directed toward myself. Pleasant.

After the tournament started, I kicked everyone's ass. Even my sweet old grandfather's. But I didn't care. All I cared about was killing Toshin. And, by golly, I did. I beat him. And, for the few seconds before the ultimate betrayal, I was happy and content with my life. I almost smiled. For real. But then I was gunned down by the oh so wonderful Tekken force members. So, reaching up for the grandfather who had treated me so wonderfully for so long, I expected him to start kicking some Tekken force member ass and wailing on them until they were a puddle of goo. And then, he would take me up in his arms, leap out the window as the castle exploded, and land in a jet ready to fly to the hospital. And of course, it happened exactly the way I imagined it would . . . but not really. He shot me instead. In the head. Now that's kindness.

I felt my life slipping away. But I also caught one last glimpse of my grandfather walking away from me, not caring at all, and feeling no remorse for what he did. So, as he was walking along his merry way, I freak out on some TFM dudes, and realize that I'm alive. And I feel great. Except, I now have another noticeable tattoo on my forehead. God. Dammit. Not only have I sinned with my first one, but now I have another. On my face. Of course at the time, I didn't really care. And I didn't really care about the horrified expression on my grandfather's face either. In fact, I derived joy from the fact that he was _that_ scared. Of me, even. And to show my extreme anger about being shot in the head, I shot him in the head. Except not really. I smashed his head out a brick wall into the ground a few stories down. And the best part was, he survived. So, not only had he not killed me, but now he was going to have a splitting headache. Awesome. The weirdest part of this whole encounter was what happened at the very end. I sprouted some wings and flew away. Like a little birdy . . . well, a huge, vicious, human-ish birdy, but a birdy nonetheless.

I ended in up in Australia after my long flight. Where I landed exactly isn't important, but when I realized where I was, I was a tad mind-freaked. Everybody was so happy and cheerful and, like, out and about all the time. And it was hot and sunny. A perfectly happy atmosphere which would have been wonderful if I hadn't been half dead, wearing practically nothing, and was not a Japanese man. But all that aside, I waited till night to go out and do anything. I treated my own wounds and bought my own food and such, but I found it best not to go out in public. Just as a precaution. Devastated by my grandfather's betrayal and by the fact that I contained the devil within my body, I went to a gym located in a very secluded part of Brisbane and unlearned everything I had learned from my grandfather and mastered good ol' basic karate. Now, how does one go about unlearning something, you may be asking. Well, I can't tell you. I think it's a mixture of learning something else while pushing the other thing to the back of your mind and mixing it all with a little bit of hate. Of course, it's probably just a lot like riding a bike. You never forget. I mean, you can't just unlearn something. Unless of course you only had mild understanding of the subject in the first place and, thus, the learning of something else causes the previously semi-learned topic to almost, if not completely, be forgotten. Like math. But my training wasn't like math at all, so I never really forgot the Mishima style. So, I suppose I never really unlearned anything. Everything you've ever heard about me unlearning anything is a lie. A lie. I merely pushed it to the back of my sub-conscious. And there you go. An un-Godly long explanation to something nobody cared about. You're welcome.

After honing my karate skills to their finest, I was aware that there was to be another King of the Iron Fist tournament. I was now 21 and in tip-top shape. So, now that I had avenged my mother and put her memory to rest, I had a new goal. To kill, or badly injure, the Mishima's. No, just kill. It sounds tougher that way. Anywho, I got some new clothes so I could disguise my face, but for what reason really? What did it matter? I was gonna be figured out anyway. But it was cool, stylish, and fit me like a glove. And it was cheap, which is always a plus. Catching a ride to the tournament grounds, I was so ready to kick some ass.

Most of the same people were there and that included my stalker, Ling, and my rival of sorts, Hwoarang. And, of course, my old bastardy grandfather was there as well. I also saw my uncle who was wearing something rather . . . fruity. But, I guessed he pulled it off, so good for him. However, I still had to hate him because he was half Mishima, and that's how it goes. The scariest part of this tournament was meeting my father. You know, the dead guy. I remember standing off to the side, minding my own business, when, suddenly, this guy who looks almost exactly like me makes eye contact. He squints his eyes for a few seconds, receives some sort of divine sign that he knows me or something, and starts strutting over to me, huge smile plastered on his face, arms outstretched, ready to give me a hug. A few people were staring, and I felt very uncomfortable that this man was rushing to hug me. I figured he was one of those cosplayers, and this made me even more uncomfortable. He reached his arms around me and gave me a big squeeze. More people were looking now, and my cover was diminishing before my eyes. So much for my dark corner. Probably expecting me to return the hug, this man looked at me with confusion. I looked at him with confusion and fear. He explained to me that he was my father and either this was a really sick joke, or my mother had lied to me. But she probably assumed him to be dead since he was thrown into a volcano. A _volcano_. I'd assume that too. But you know what they say about assuming . . . and I already stated that earlier in my story. So check there if you forgot. And even if he was my dad, I dedicated my life to hating the Mishima's and, from what I heard, he wasn't very nice anyway. "I have no association with the likes of you," I said walking away from him. I don't know how crushed he was, but I must say I didn't care much. Crossing the room to another dark corner, I settled there until the beginning of the tournament.

I conquered this tournament much in the same way I conquered the last one. One might say that I pwned those n00bs. And as I was heading to the fight to face my father, I was gunned down, or rather, drugged down, by those same damn Tekken force members and I never got to the fight. Sons of bitches, the lot of 'em. I woke up in a temple like area chained to some statues dangling several feet above the ground. I even noticed my shirt was gone. And I hoped, oh Lord I hoped, that this wasn't some sick porno. Trying to get down was futile and I passed out. Then I had the most horrifying dream/nightmare/experience of my life. I was in a dark room, dazed and alone. I start hearing maniacal laughter and my father's voice saying "Hate me" "Curse me" and stuff like that. But what's worse, images of my father start appearing and disappearing in front of me in psychedelic colors. And I tried to smack at him, but he just kept laughing. And I was going crazy in my own mind. And I tried to scream, but it wasn't really me. It was merely an illusionary me inside my own mind projecting an image of something I either feared or was unsure of. That's the appropriate explanation, but I was really just drugged up.

Finally, a voice cut through my thoughts. Sadly, it was my father's voice, but at least it was the real him instead of those illusionary manifestations. "Rise, Jin Kazama!" was what broke me out of my drugged induced state of unconsciousness. Struggling, once again, to break free of the chains, I finally managed to loosen their grip. I fell to the ground and claimed that I would kill him once and for all. The dirty bastard. I found out just how mean he was too. First of all, he was trying to kill me, and, second of all, he only wanted to kill me to receive the devil gene in my body. And he was trying to kill me. But I guess trying to kill your son kind of runs in that family. Whatever. To his deep chagrin, I beat him senseless and knocked him out. Then, because he's just a sneaky bastard, my grandfather enters the room and is all, "Dur-hur, I'ma gonna harness that power for m'self!" So, now I have to fight him. Well, I beat him up too. But I didn't knock him out, oh no, I was planning on killing him. And I wanted him to feel it. That devilish power came back and the same wings popped out of my back. Now, I am happy to say that the tattoos on my face vanished, but even more appeared on my chest, down my stomach, and . . . well, down a little further as well. Freakin' tattoos just won't stop growing! They're like a bunch of vines growing in tendrils along my body where ever they feel like it. Will my sin never die! Damn it! Tattoos are the DEVIL! But since I'm the devil too, it's sort of redeemed. Sort of. But if my mom ever saw me, she put my hand back on that burner and hold me back out in that rain storm. Of course, I'm a lot bigger now, so she'd probably just toss me out in a puddle.

As I pulled my hand back in preparation for the kill, I saw a vision. Of my mother no less. She didn't say anything, just flashed in for about a second and disappeared. I figured she was disappointed in me for sporting tattoos, but even more so that I was about to kill my grandfather. So like a good little boy, I threw him to the ground and remarked, "You can thank my mother, Jun Kazama." And flew out of that damn building to . . . anywhere else.

You all know what happened next, but I ended up in forest, consumed by the power of the devil. Unfortunately, I destroyed a whole forest in my rage and couldn't even recall it. So that meant that the devil inside was gaining a tad too much power over me. Knowing I couldn't let him win, I went on to train some more. And, like, a week later, I heard the announcement for the next Tekken tournament. Holy freakin' crap. But, feeling the presence of a powerful, devil-ish force that must be stopped, I entered this tournament too. And I beat down everyone. Again. Seriously, every time. When I got to the final stage, I met up with my great grandfather, Jinpachi. Already concluding that he was a jerk, I felt no remorse in fighting him. But he didn't really care either, so what difference did it make that we were even related? It didn't. And, God, was he strange looking. But you could tell he was a Mishima. And his beard, don't even get me started on. It's like my grandfather's hair but on his face. Awful.

After I beat him, I stood silently expecting some Tekken force member dudes to pop out of the rocks and shoot and drug me at the same time. Fortunately, none of that happened. I won and was finally able to take control of the Mishima Zaibatsu. I really should call it the Kazama Zaibatsu, but why change something that's working. I had a great power in my hands, which I used to the fullest. Of course, a lot of people didn't like this, so I declared the Mishima Zaibatsu an independent nation. And that sparked even more controversy. Now I had close to no support and the G Corporation was after me. But I had power. And I plan on using it. So, to settle things once and for all, I declared the King of Iron Fist Tournament 6. Are you ready?

I have no idea how this tournament will end up, but, if the past tournaments say anything, then I'm going to do some major pwn-age. Again. And if you have no idea what pwning is, it's basically kicking the crap out of everyone. Really, _really_ hard. But my story is now at an end. For now. Where it will end up is anyone's guess. I'll probably be getting more tattoos or something absurd like that, but who knows. If you take one thing away from this I hope it's appreciation. Appreciation in the fact that you aren't me. And while being me is awesome, I mean more specifically living the kind life I live. It kinda sucks. And if you ever go live with a person only to discover that they threw their own son into a volcano for a petty reason, run. Run away fast and never look back.

- The End -

A/N: Well, I hope you liked it! Please read and review. Jun's chapter is going to be next, so expect that one to be out (hopefully) soon. This ending author's note is rather short, I know. If you'd like me to do anyone in particular, just ask me and they'll be featured before others. But, after Jun, I promised to do an Asuka chapter and a Ling chapter. However, I may also do a Devil, Angel, and Devil Jin chapter after Jun, but only time will tell. There should be no grammatical and spelling errors, but there may be. Please, try to ignore them and I'm sorry. Thanks for reading!


	5. Jun Kazama

A/N: Well, it's been about a month since I last updated. I know, I know, it's pathetic. Anyway, we finally get a touch of femininity in this story now! That's right; Jun's gracing us with her presence.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Tekken or any of its characters. They all belong to Namco. Lucky bastards.

Rating: Still rated T for language and stuff.

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Ecological – Ecological – Ecological Fighter!

Why, hello there! My name is Jun Kazama. If you've reached my chapter, then you've probably read about the guys. Aren't the wonderful? Sure, they have some anger management issues, but who doesn't, you know what I'm sayin'?! Ok, so I can't really excuse their behavior, and they really had no place acting that way. Hmm . . . well, now I'm feeling quite indifferent about their attitudes. I mean, how can they insult each other like that? And what's worse is that they convey their feelings through their fists! What a bunch of overly muscled babies. I know I taught Jin better than that, and I would give him a good talking to if I wasn't dead. Oh! I probably should've told you that earlier. Yes, I'm dead, but I'm not bitter. I like to watch over my family and scream stuff like, "KAZUYA! Don't you DARE punch him again! He'll bruise!!" or "JINNY, YOU'RE NOT HOLDING THAT KNIFE AT THE RIGHT ANGLE! OH MY, YOU'LL CUT YOURSELF!!" but that's beside the point. I'm now going to take you on a journey in which you will learn of how I met Kazuya, what sparked our love, and what we have to show for it! Ohh, I'm excited!

Let me tell you of my beginnings first. I was a young girl in a house with nine other children. I was about in the middle. The oldest was Gun and then there was Hun, followed by Kun, Pun, Wun, and then it was me, Jun, and next came Lun, Tun, Yun, and, finally, Micheal. We were all so close, though, you wouldn't believe! And my parents were just the nicest people. We didn't attend school like regular kids, but were, rather, home-schooled by our parents. Which was nice, because we'd have classes in which we'd go outside and gaze at the clouds or pick flowers and arrange them into something. No, we weren't a hippy family, but we did enjoy nature. Especially me. I loved to frolic and prance around in the grass, flowers clutched in my hand, and animals would join in my singing and joy.

Of course, I grew up with a psychic ability as well. And since I was the only child who could do that in my family, I liked to tease my brothers and sisters with it. I'd be like, "I can read your mind . . . and I'm telling mom that you're a dirty, dirty boy," or I'd say, "Tch, tch, tch, you're future does not look good." Oh my, thinking back on that, I was being rather mean, wasn't I? Oh dear. Well, moving on ahead. The years went by and we all got older. Consequently, we needed to start planning out our futures. So, with just the clothes on my back, and the other assorted things I packed in a backpack that I slung over one shoulder, I made my way into the city to embark on endless possibilities.

I remember the city being dirty and scary. There were so many people, too. In fact, about ten minutes after entering the city, some scary looking larger man came strolling over to me and demanded I give him all I had or he'd take drastic measures. Screaming in terror, I swung around ferociously and did him in with my Kazama style. Oh yes, I left that out didn't I? Well, not only was my family nature loving, but we were all trained in the Kazama style of defense. Just in case you didn't know. And, actually, it came in quite handy in the current situation. Oh, and when I said I did him in, I meant that I just knocked him out. Killing is bad!

As scary as that was, I was also assaulted at least ten more times on my way to find a suitable place to live. With each man being scarier, hairier, bigger, smellier, and all around meaner than the previously one, I had to beat up a lot of frightening people. I wonder how girls survive in those situations. But, of course, we have unity and strength. GIRL POWER! Anyway, I finally found a nice little apartment building and made my way inside. Upon entering, a stout little woman came waddling up to the counter and rasped, "What's yer story?" Oh, she was so cute this woman. I just wanted to pinch her chubby little cheeks! Yes I did! "Well," I began brightly, "I find this place very cute! I would love to stay here while I look for a job!" The cute little lady looked at me with an expression I couldn't read and then asked me in an exasperated tone, "You do know what kind of place this is, right?" Not understanding her question completely, I glanced all about the place before saying, "Isn't it, uh, a place for lodging and stuff?" Laughing a bit, the woman, who looked at me and said calmly, "This is a women's shelter, dear. You know, for women who are abused." Gasping in horror, I clutch my shirt and say, horrified, "Women are abused?!" Shaking her head, the woman said, "Some women are, yes." Taking a firm stance, I stare deep into the cute little woman's eyes and say, "That's horrible." The woman just stared back at me and, lifting a hand to her chin, said, "You said you were looking for a job? Well, I can let you work here. Being as hyper and bubbly as you are, you might be able to cheer up the other girls. What do you say?" Immediately after the woman said this, I started crying. But don't worry, they were happy tears. Lifting the cute lady and swinging her in my arms, I cried, "I would love nothing more!"

So, I got everything nicely into a room that little Ms. Cutey Pie had designated for me and I worked as a counselor of sorts for a while. I taught the women how to be cheerful and how to sing while twirling around in a flowery field. This sparked new opportunities such as: flower arranging, knitting/sewing, singing in the rain, running through sprinklers, making flowery patterns on cakes, rolling in the grass, being optimistic, saying "Hi!" to everyone, singing with animals, and loads of other fun things. It was a really fun job!

One day, I was out back arranging a nice row of flowers for the flower bed that had died before I'd been there, and I suddenly I spotted a cute little animal in pain. The poor little bunny had gotten its leg run over by a car and came limping over to me. Gazing into those sad little teary orbs, I dashed inside the apartment and grabbed towels, water, and a first aid kit. Sprinting back outside, I picked up the bunny and placed it gently on the towel. Getting another damp with water, I screamed, "We have a bunny in critical condition, Doctor!" In a deeper voice, I answered myself with a, "Don't worry, Nurse. We'll save the little guy!" Touching the towel to the bunny's leg, I wailed, "Oh, Doctor, the blood just won't stop coming! It's flowing in torrents!" Slapping myself I said, "Calm yourself, Nurse! We will save this bunny! Even if I have to sacrifice my lunch break!" Blood wasn't really flowing that much, but I wanted to make it dramatic. After putting ointment on the bunny and wrapping its leg in bandages (and screaming, "It won't make it!" a few more times) I whipped the sweat off my forehead and turned to myself, bunny clutched in my arms, and said," You see, Nurse. He made it, the little guy." Cheering, I held the bunny high in the air and shouted, "Live free for another day, my bunny friend!"

Turning around, I noticed that I had drawn quite a crowd. Blushing, I laughed, "He's gonna be all right!" A few people clapped and some others laughed. Setting the bunny on the ground and patting its head one last time, I watched it hop away. Sure, he wasn't fully healed, but the little guy needed to roam free. FREE! Smiling as I watched it jump away, I was startled when a voice said from behind me, "You're very good with animals." Jumping ten feet in the air and screaming, I accidently punched the guy in the face. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," I stammered. Rubbing his cheek, the man laughed, "And you're tough to boot." Taking out a card, the man handed it to me. "WWWC?" I read out load, "What's that?" Smoothing his hair, the man said with an air of suavishness, "That, my dear, is a wildlife protection organization. The way you handled that bunny was amazing. How would you like a job protecting animals?" Gazing at this man with tears in my eyes, I walked over to him and made him partake in a hug that was similar to the one I gave the cute little plump lady. "I would love to," I cried.

We were to leave the next morning. It was such a sad good-bye. I gave everyone a huge hug and engaged them all in one last "Kumbahya" before we all turned in for the night. I got up bright and early the next morning. The man was waiting at the foot of the stairs when I came down with my suitcase. "Ok," he said brightly, "Shall we?" And we both stepped into the cool morning air and made our way to the local airport. When we got there, I was startled by everything. The ticket guy, the security measures, and, most of all, the planes. I had never been on one before and I let the guy know this by saying, "I've never been on a plane before." Laughing heartily, the man turned to me and said, "Don't worry. There's nothing to be afraid of." Trusting this man, I calmed down a bit. That is, until I saw our plane. It was huge and loud and scary. Clutching the man's arm for dear life, I was ushered into my seat next to him. Grasping my hand in his, the man looked at me and said, calmly, "It's going to be ok. I promise you."

Now I was only mildly shaking. Telling myself that it wasn't going to be that bad, I tried to relax. However, the next thing I knew, the plane started lurching forward and a voice came over the loud speaker that said, "Welcome to Mishima Airlines. Hope you have a safe and enjoyable flight." Looking around madly, I shook the man's arm gingerly and said, "They _hope_ you have a safe flight?! They don't KNOW if you'll have a safe flight?!?!" Trying to calm me down, the man patted my shoulder and was just about to say some words of comfort when, suddenly, the plane gave a shudder and started lifting into the air. Screaming, I totally droned out what the man was going to say. Pulling a spider-man, I gripped the wall of the plane and climbed so that I was hanging from the roof of the plane. Holding the extra luggage carriers for dear life, I looked back and forth madly. I never knew planes where so terrifying! The people on the plane were shocked by my sudden appearance on the roof and started to chat quietly amongst themselves. When the stewardess tried to get me down, I hissed at her and hung on more tightly. The whole flight carried on in the same manner.

When we finally touched down, I snaked my way off the ceiling and, when I touched ground, made a lung for the door. Ah, safety. Good old ground. Alarming many people in the waiting area, I was finally able to calm down and wait for the poor man who had to endure my fear. When I spotted him, I apologized profusely. He said it was alright and that he knew that the first time flying could be scary, but I knew he never wanted to get on a plane with me again. And I never wanted to get back on a plane, so that was good. Making our way down to the luggage retrieval area, the man took this time to talk about the WWWC. It all sounded rather exciting, and I could not wait to start. We reached the luggage area before a crowd had started to form, so we stood right in front of the machine and waited.

More and more people started to file in tightly behind me, pushing and shoving quite a bit. Finally, I spotted my bag and reached forward to grab it. However, a very large lady pushed me to one side and made her way through to get her luggage. When I tried to reach for my bag again, she slapped my hand away and said in a very snobby voice, "Do you mind?" I watched as my bag was going back through the carrier and gave the lady a seething glare. Ignoring me, the lady hit me with her suitcase as she turned around. Shaken but determined not to let my bag get away, I clambered on the machine and grabbed the strap of my bag just as it entered the flappy doors. I was pulled along with my bag through the machine. I heard many gasps from outside the baggage retrieval. Finally, my bag, with myself attached, came out of the flappy doors on the other side of the machine. Hopping down lightly, I spotted the man I had been traveling with and gave him a little wave. Making my way over to him, I caught a glimpse the nasty fat lady who caused the whole hubbub that was currently taking place in the lobby. Turning in her direction, I stalked over to her and looked her dead in the eye. I could see that she was a tad nervous, but I didn't care. I put my hand in a fist, pulled it back, and then stopped it right in front of her face while lifting out my pointer finger. Shaking it at her, I said in a huff, "Don't be so mean!" And I walked away. The woman fell to her knees and just stared after me. Smiling cheerfully at the man, I said, "Ok, let's go!"

Happy to be out of the airport, I was more excited than ever to get to the WWWC building. We went straight there, and the man took me to the tallest room in the building. Upon entering the room, I was graced with the sight of cute pictures of animals hung up all over the walls. "Sir," said the man who had brought me here, "I have returned with Jun Kazama, just as you requested." A man sitting at a large wooden desk with the insignia of WWWC carved into it beautifully, looked up from his work and said, "Ah, good. Come her miss, if you would." Dismissing the other man, the important looking boss man asked me to sit down. Saying good-bye to the friendly man who made an awful trip with me, I took my seat excitedly. The man informed me of what my job would be and all that good stuff, but I'll spare you the details. Long story extremely short, I got the job! I was made an officer in the WWWC and spent my time helping animals and stuff. Oh, it was so much fun!

One day, I was called to the office for the most thrilling mission I'd ever received. My boss dude informed me that a man named Kazuya Mishima was smuggling animals. "Well, that's just awful! I mean, the guy has zoo in his name! You'd think he'd realize that and be friendlier to animals . . . Ka-zoo-ya, hmm. More like Ka-poopoohead." Sighing a little, my boss informed me that I was to arrest this man. "But be warned," he said sternly, "This man is quite powerful. He owns an entire company. The Mishima Zaibatsu, you know. Plus, he's strong in his own right." Crossing my arms, I looked at the man sitting before and scoffed, "Oh, pish-posh. He's just a stupid boy. I'll take out this Kazuya person, no problem." Handing me a ticket for the King of the Iron Fist Tournament 2, my boss wished me the best of luck. Realizing that I had to take a plane to get to the tournament, I was almost hesitant, but something deep in my body told me to go, just go girl. So I did. The trip was much the same as last time so . . . moving right along.

Upon reaching my destination, I was happy to see no big, mean ladies lurking in the shadows. However, I did notice a man who kept following me around. Ignoring him for a time, I made my outside and to the docks where a boat was waiting to take the participants of this tournament to an island for the competition. Unfortunately, the man kept following me. Finally making his move, the man lunged at me. Catching his fist with one hand, I slid underneath him and kicked him in the face. Falling backwards, the man made a kick at me, but I jumped out of the way and stood at a ready position. Laughing, the man stood up straight and brushed himself off. "I never knew woman could fight so well," he said, still laughing, "You must be entering the tournament as well. But how rude of me not to introduce myself. My name is Lei Wulong. It's a pleasure miss." Looking at him cautiously, I asked him, "How do you know I'm entering the tournament?" Straightening his hair, this man, Lei, informed me that he had seen my invitation in my pocket and decided to test my skills out. "Well, that's rather silly," I said frowning, "You could've just asked. Oh, and my name is Jun Kazama. Nice to meet you." Laughing again, he offered to carry my things for me. Refusing, we both made our way up to the boat. Parting for our separate rooms. "Well, I'll see you later," he said winking. Smiling at him, I waved and made my way to my room.

When we got to the tournament grounds, I was finally able to see who all was participating. There were so many interesting people. I took a particular liking to one man who had a kitty for a head. Well, not his real head, and it wasn't exactly a kitty, but it was really cute nonetheless. And, for the most part, everyone was really nice. And interestingly enough, every one there had some sort of beef against Kazuya. He must be a bad, bad man. At least, that's what I thought at the time. I remember watching him make his entrance to announce the start of the tournament. The air got stale and people started grinding their teeth at him and growled softly to themselves at the sight of him. I thought he was kind of cute standing there in a lovely purple suit. The reason I thought he was so cute, though, was because, even though he seemed big and bad or whatever, he was just the cutest little Japanese man I'd ever seen. But, obviously, no one else thought that way. Of course, I still harbored some resentment towards him for the fact that he was a mean animal smuggler, but he was just so cute! And, by the way he addressed the participants, I could tell he didn't like these people much either.

As Kazuya started to speak of the rules, regulations, and prizes, I began to notice a frightening aura about him. And as powerfully evil as it was, no one seemed to notice. I wondered briefly if even Kazuya knew, but my thoughts were interrupted by Lei who was whispering, "God, he sure likes to talk, doesn't he?" Startling back to reality, I stammered, "Yeah, he's quite the talker." Looking off to the side, I noticed one man, Paul Phoenix, mimicking Kazuya's every word. He was making a few on-lookers snicker, and I began to get huffy for some reason. Without thinking about what I was doing, I marched over to mister Phoenix and slapped him across the face. Everyone turned to look at what had happened, and even Kazuya stopped talking noticing that he had been interrupted. "Stop mocking him!" I demanded, blushing, "He's trying to tell us what to do. The least you could do is listen to him before you try to beat him up! Lord, if only your mother could see you now. Have you no manners?!" Paul was holding his sore cheek and looked at me like I just stabbed him in the stomach. Glancing around, I now realized how silent it was. And seeing all the stunned faces, I was brought back to the reality of my situation. "Erm, sorry," I stammered quietly.

Returning to my place beside Lei, I was relieved when Kazuya started talking again. "What was that all about?" Lei asked me incredulously. Trying to hide under my hair, I couldn't quite think of an answer. "I don't know . . . it just felt like, uh, something I needed to do." Leaving it at that, Kazuya finished his speech, and we were all directed to the lodging that we would be treated to rest in that night. I noticed as we were heading to the lodging areas that mister Phoenix was taking great stride to keep a good distance between us. And I felt really bad about hitting him, so I turned around to apologize. When our eyes met, he let out a rather girly scream and ducked behind his smaller friend, Marshall Law. "Oh, I'm really sorry," I said to him, trying to meet his gaze again. Ducking back and forth behind his friend, Paul squeaked out a, "Yeah, whatever, it's ok, Lady . . . uh, d-do you need anything else?" Shaking my head, I decided it best that I leave him alone. "Well," Lei began when we were out of earshot of Paul and Marshall, "If you have to fight him, at least you'll know you'll win."

At around midnight that night, I made sure that everyone was asleep and made my way up to Kazuya's room. It wasn't guarded at all, which surprised me. But, come on, he could take care of himself. Trying the door handle, I noticed that it wasn't locked. This seemed suspicious to me considering how much these people hated him. Anyway, I made my way in the room and saw him huddled up in bed under his blankets. Creeping over slowly, I jumped on the bundle and said, "You are under arrest Mr. Mishima for . . . huh?" I had merely landed on a pile of unattended blankets. Becoming frightened, I scrambled to get off the bed slamming right into Kazuya who was leering down at me from the end of it. "What are you doing?" he asked in a hushed whisper.

"Um, well, I've come to arrest you, Kazuya Mishima. You are mean to animals!" I said quickly. Kazuya just laughed at me and said, "I dare you to try, miss." Standing up on the bed suddenly, I grabbed one blanket and twisted it hard. Then, positioning myself, I snapped it hard on his butt. He yelped with surprise and twisted around to grab the blanket before I could do that again. He was a bit too slow, however, and I snapped the blanket at him again, this time catching him across the chest. "Augggh," he yelped again, trying to grab the blanket before I could pull it back. Once again, he failed at this and I swung the blanket at him again. However, this time he caught it and yanked on it hard. Consequently, I went flailing forward and landed on him. We both were trying to struggle out of the blanket when Kazuya flipped me over unceremoniously on to my back. Recovering from hitting the hard ground, I opened my eyes only to realize that Kazuya had flipped himself over me and was now staring into my eyes as well. And then, well, it all happened so fast. And I'm not about to tell you what happened, how embarrassing! But, I can tell you what we did lead to Jin Kazama. I'm sure you can put it together.

At the tournament grounds, Lei asked me where I'd been last night. Thinking this was a very strange question considering we were rooms apart and Lei had not been with me last night, I asked Lei how he knew that I was gone. "Uh," he stuttered, "Well, I was planning on serenading you last night, so I came up to your room at about 12:30, only you weren't there so . . . I was just, uh, wondering." Trying to think of answer quick, I said, "I had to pee. Really bad." Accepting this, Lei turned his attention to a rock on the side of the path that he must've found quite interesting because that's all he looked at until we departed for our separate matches.

Sparing you the details once again, I am very unhappy to say that Heihachi Mishima, Kazuya's dad, won the tournament. But, the worst part was that he had thrown his son into a volcano. So, now I could not see this man ever again, nor would my little Jinny have a father to learn from. However, I could still sense the evil presence I felt from the day before. And it was getting closer and closer to me. Hearing gruff breathing from behind me, I turned to see the Devil, who had tried to possess Kazuya, lurking around looking absolutely scathing. "I will have a host," he cried in rage, "And your un-born baby should do the trick." As he jumped at me, I ducked and he went flying into the volcano. Thinking he was a complete idiot, I dusted myself off and started walking away. "Hey," a voice called out, "That's cheating! Fight me like a man!" Turning indignity, I called out, "But I'm not a man! I'm a woman! And a pregnant one at that!" Looking taken aback, Devil took some time to think this over and dissipated in front of me. "How about this, then," he said crossing his arms, "We play rock-paper-scissors and whoever wins, gets to decide if I possess the child or not." Glaring at him, I screamed, "NO! There will be no debate. You cannot have my child, Idiot!" Looking hurt, Devil tried to reason with me some more, but I couldn't stand it and kicked him square in the nuts. Crumpling over, he wheezed, "You win for now, Lady . . . ugh."

Deciding to raise Jin up like I had been raised, I moved us to a very deserted forest. It was comforting there, and I found a nice little cabin to live in. I had to clean it a bit first, though. Not only was the dust gathering, but spider webs were a commodity, and there was an actual skeleton in the closet. Scaring me beyond all reason, I quickly cleared this out not wanting to know why it was there in the first place. After a few months, the house was perfect. Now I just had to wait for Jin.

Before I knew it, Jin was there. My bright little ball of sunshine. He looked so much like his daddy. I really thought it'd be cute to name him Kazuya Jr., but I decided against it. Many more names popped into my head, like Carl or Jebadiah, but they didn't fit him very well. Thus, in the end, I decided to give him a more masculine version of my name, Jin. And that's how that went.

It was tough raising Jin on my own, but he was such a good boy. And if I ever needed to go for a bit to pick some flowers or get the proper materials for making his diaper, I just left him in the care of the cute, little woodland creatures. Life progressed smoothly as I taught him everything I knew about life, defense, and love. And other stuff, too. He picked up the Kazama style quickly, and I determined that he got his fighting spirit from his father. However, there was one crucial difference in raising him that differed from my parent's style. See, my parents only told me of the bad things in life; I taught Jin through experience. I know he's told you the tale of the hand-on-stove incident, but he didn't tell you how I held his head under water for a good amount of time so he could experience drowning, or about the time when I followed him around the whole day statically shocking him. And I did a lot of stuff like that, but it was merely to enforce concepts that I taught him. I thought it worked rather well, considering.

Life progressed in much that same way until Jin was about 15. I received an ominous sign one day while climbing a tree. I became informed that something terrible would happen to me soon. And, believing the premonition whole heartedly, I chose to have a chat with Jin that night. I told Jin of how his father and I had met and of how he was conceived. I didn't tell him of the vision I had experienced, but I did tell him that if something should ever happen to me that he should go see his grandfather. Taking in every word I said, Jin went to bed that night looking slightly uneasy. Deciding to take him on a picnic tomorrow, I went to the kitchen to begin the preparations. It was raining quite hard outside and lightning and thunder were crashing and bellowing everywhere. It was that kind of night where something bad just _has_ to happen.

Unfortunately, something bad did happen. Hearing a knock at the door, I wonder who would be out at this un-Godly hour in this storm. Deciding that it may be an animal in distress, I hurry quickly toward the door and fling it open only to come face to chest with a large green pectoral. Gazing up, I found that a pair of horrifyingly red eyes were staring down at me. Screaming, I pushed the monster out into the darkness and yelled, "We don't want any!" Slamming the door shut, I leaned against the frame and breathed heavily. Another knock startled me, and I flinched. My hand still on the door knob, I opened the door again and was greeted with the same green muscles. Pushing him back outside farther, I stepped outside with him and closed the door. "Some people's kids," I said shaking my head, "Well, what do you want?" The monster known as Ogre looked at me through tiny slits and said, "Ohhmania diuop killnoc." Not understanding what he said, I screamed back through the rain, "What did you say?" Repeating himself, Ogre stated once again, "Ohhmania diuop killnoc." Peering at him through the darkness, I replied, "Yeah, well, go Ohhmania someone else's diuop killnoc!" Laughing evilly, Ogre began making his way over to me through the darkness.

At that time, Jin came running out of the house and stood to protect me. "No, Jin," I screamed grabbing onto his shoulder, "Go back inside!" But Jin ignored my plea and charged head-on into Ogre. It only took one hit from Ogre to knock him out. Running to his side, I noticed, with relief, that he was all right. "Alright, Buddy," I screamed at him through the darkness, "No one attacks my baby boy!" But Ogre merely laughed at this. "Oh," I continued screaming, "You think you're big and bad attacking a mother and her child? You're just a creepy loser!" Apparently taking offense to this, Ogre stomped his foot and began to pout saying things like, "Ykdksksss" and "Opmdmee ifs Hukkillt." Deciding I'd shown him, I went to collect Jin off the ground and get him back inside. "And a Hukkillt diuop whatahooza to you too," I said walking away from him. But I didn't get far before I felt a hot, burning sensation in my side. Slamming into a tree, it took me a while to focus. However, upon touching my hand to my side, I felt a warm liquid dripping down my fingers. Eyes coming back into focus, I screamed, "You coward! And to think, you hit a lady, even!" I noticed, however, that Ogre was now going for Jin. "Hey!" I screamed, my throat on fire, "Leave Jin alone and you can do whatever you want with me." Looking up with I determined to be glee, Ogre came skipping over to me and, placing a hand on my shoulder, said, "Tuuhji ffui tbhhji mahllle." Rolling my eyes, I said, "Yeah, ok, whatever. Jinny! Take care of yourself for Mommy! I love you!!" Suddenly, I felt one last jolt to my stomach and then nothing.

And here I am! So, I'm pretty sure I died, but I may just be floating around in limbo. Hoo-hum. Anywho, I continue to watch over my family from where ever I am. I see that Jin hasn't forgotten some of the principles I've taught him while others, like getting a tattoo, seemed to elude his mind. I also discovered that Kazuya never died, so that's quaint. And Heihachi tried to do my son in as well. Bastard. Hopefully, you've enjoyed my take on the story. And try not to think to ill of my family, they're just boys. You know what I'm sayin', ladies.

The End

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A/N: Wow, this chapter was a lot longer than I expected it would be. I hope you enjoyed it! And, as for the next chapter, I know who it'll be, but I'm not going to tell you. It's a secret! It may even come as a shock to someone! But you'll just have to wait for that. In any case, reviews are always greatly appreciated, and thanks for reading!


	6. Jinpachi Mishima

A/N: Been dying to know who the mystery character is? Well, your prayers are finally being answered. And if you haven't already looked at the chapter name, you will be in shock and awe to find out that the next chapter belongs to . . . Jinpachi Mishima! Oh yes, I bet I threw some of you for a loop! Or maybe not. I did say I was going to do a chapter for the _whole_ Mishima/Kazama family. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I still didn't own anything remotely related to Tekken. Well, unless you include all my Tekken games and the Tekken movie. But I'm talking about big company/character stuff. I still don't own any of that. Still Namco's and will forever be Namco's.

Rating: Still T for all the same stuff. You know, violence, language, blah blah.

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It's Really All My Fault . . . Dammit!

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So my son hates me and is in a constant struggle to kill me, and my grandson doesn't like me none too much either. Sound familiar? Yeah, well, let me add this little detail into the mix: I have a great grandson who hates me as well. Isn't it awful that this family can just not get along? You know, it wasn't always this way . . . ok, well, that's a lie. My son was always a little turd to me. You know him better as Heihachi, however. And my grandson used to be so kind to me. We'd train together and laugh all the time over milk and cookies, but those days are over. His name is Kazuya. You know him to be much meaner, but he really is a sweety at heart . . . maybe. And my grandson I didn't even know, and he still detested me. I believe his name is Jin, but we never really did any talking, so I can't be sure. And for what, I ask you? I've always known the Mishima family to be slightly cursed, but I really thought we could kill that old horse hockey with love. But my son just didn't want to share the love. He was such a little bastard to me, and I just took it. I was so delusional that one day he might come around and like me. I should've gave that dream up. My name is Jinpachi Mishima, and it's my fault everything turned out the way it did. I am not proud.

I used to be so happy. I had a lovely wife and the beginnings of a great company. I was also a great martial artist. When the Mishima Zaibatsu began to gain much more power, I became an even more influential person in the world. Women would come up with their babies in their arms just for a chance for me to kiss their babies little cheeks. It was a wonderful time.

One day, my wife suggested to me that we have a child. And I was like, "Hell yes!" because I was so ready to be a daddy. So, we got down to the nitty gritty and made ourselves a baby. Boy was I excited. When we found out our baby was going to be a boy, I was as giddy as a fat kid in a candy shop. I started decorating his room in various boyish themes. I even got him a little training gi, so he could grow up like his old man. We got this unborn bastard so much stuff, I feel sick thinking about it. I even got him a little shirt that said, "Don't mess with me. My dad'll kick your ass." I thought it was adorable, my wife thought it was stupid.

When the day finally arrived, I raced down to the hospital with my wife in my arms. Cars were far too slow, and you can get a ticket for going to fast. My transportation was the obvious choice. When I got to the hospital, I kicked the doors clean off and screamed into the peaceful silence that usually accompanies a hospital, "My wife's in labor! I'm about to be a daddy!!" The next thing I know, there are nurses and doctors everywhere and they take my wife from me and put her in a room. When I can bounding through the door, I saw them getting her all prepped and stuff. I sat down in a chair next to her and told her I'd wait out the whole pregnancy, and she smiled at me.

However, when she started contracting, it was a whole different story. The incident that made me leave and wait outside was when I was holding her hand and telling her everything was going to be all right. She just snarled at me and gripped my hand tightly in hers. Then, out of nowhere, she bites me. That's right, she lunged out and bit me on the shoulder. I freaked out and stumbled backwards trying to pry my hand away from her increasingly tighter grip. But she didn't let me off without a fight and hissed at me the whole way out of the room. Standing outside was definitely a safer option.

After the baby was out and cleaned and all that good stuff, I raced into the baby care center where they keep the newborns and scooped the little bundle in my arms. He was so adorable. I remember smiling longingly at him and putting out my finger so he could grab it. And he just looked at me with those cold eyes and threw up on me. I didn't know newborns could throw up, and the nurses seemed shocked too. At the time, I thought something was wrong with him, now I realize he just had it in for me.

The trip home was nice. Heihachi didn't cry the whole way. Instead, he just kept his eyes on me. It was almost like he was trying to burrow into my soul and kill me from the inside. However, I ignored it and merely kept winking at him whenever I got his eye. When we finally got home, I asked if I could hold my son for a bit. My wife laughed a little and handed him over. However, about midway between trade off, Heihachi starts crying like a banshee. Recoiling my hands, I notice the crying stop abruptly. Putting my hands out again, I meet the same ear piercing wail. Once again, I pulled my hands back. Looking into his face, I notice that Heihachi didn't show one sign of a tear. His face was perfectly stoic. As horrifying as that was, however, I reached out for him again. And again he cried. I started to move my hands toward him faster and would recoil just as quickly, so that the only sound Heihachi would make was the beginnings of his cry. It was quite the spectacle, but my wife got feed up with this and thrust the baby in my hands. At once, Heihachi let loose another teeth gnashing wail. My wife sank to the ground covering her ears, and I held Heihachi away from me and squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I finally opened my eyes to meet the face of one very un-sad baby. His face was perfectly composed, and this was disturbing to me. I tried to comfort him by saying, "It's ok, Buddy. Calm down, ok?" Pulling him into a hug, I felt a foot kick me in the face. A soft little baby foot mind you, but the little bastard kicked me. I was shocked. Finally, my wife, getting tired of this, took Heihachi away, and he immediately stopped crying. My wife told me later that he was probably just scared of me because I was big and gruff. I just accepted that.

When Heihachi was about five, I figured it was a good time to start training him. He was finally out of the see-me-and-cry phase, so he was much more approachable. Of course, he always had a permanent scowl on his face whenever he saw me, but I was determined to put a smile on that face. The first time I took him into the gym, he seemed in awe. I was so happy that I had finally found something to make him happy with me. We began training immediately, and we were having the time of our lives.

Content with the training for that day, I was turning off the lights when I noticed Heihachi playing on some of the equipment. Chuckling to myself a little, I wandered over to him and said, "No, no Son. You can't play with those yet. You've to wait until you're big and strong . . . like me," but he didn't seem impressed. He merely ignored me and continued playing with the equipment. Pulling him off, he spun around ferociously and bit me on the cheek. Dropping him in shock, the little bugger ran off and out of the gym. For about five minutes I just stood there baffled. How could he bite me like that? It seemed so . . . unnatural!

When I eventually headed into the dining room for dinner, my wife came huffing up to me and demanded, "What did you do to him?" Staring at her confused, I said, "I didn't do anything to him." Folding her arms angrily, my wife just continued to stare at me until she finally blurted, "Oh, and I suppose Heihachi's lying when he says you knocked him down and kicked him in the stomach?" Looking at her incredulously, I said, "Yes! I didn't do any of that!" Glancing in the direct of my son, I see that tears had been running down his face and he looked a bit scuffed up. Wondering what the Hell was going on, I tried to press him for some answers, but my wife held me back and said that I was the liar. But the worst part of the whole encounter was when Heihachi sneered at me so evilly that I thought he might've been the devil. I never knew blood cold actually run cold in ones own veins.

Life progressed in much the same way, sadly. I was in denial about my son's pure hatred for me, but I thought he just had some sort of Oedipus Complex going on. A serious case indeed, but a good reason for the way he acted. I was always trying so hard to impress him, too. I remember one time when I took him to Disneyland. He was decently excited, and it was a whole family thing, so that was quaint. When we got there, my wife needed to stop and take a bathroom break, so she told us to wait for her. Perfectly content to do just that, when she entered the bathroom, Heihachi took off wildly down through the park. "Son! NO!!!" I screamed in vain. He was already lost to the crowd. Knowing that I needed to get him back before his mother got out of the bathroom, I ran desperately after him.

Scanning my surroundings, I spotted Mickey Mouse in the distance. Running up to him, I said, "Hey Pal. Have you seen a little boy running around? He's hard to miss, by the way. See, he's got these weird flips of hair that stick off from the sides of his head. It's almost clownish really." But Mickey just gazed at me with those large, dead eyes and put his hands up in an "I don't know" sort of fashion. Kicking the dirt, Mickey tried to console me, that is until Goofy came bounding up. Seeing that I was disappointed, but not knowing that my wife was going to kill me, Goofy stuck out his hand in a way as if to say "Sorry Buddy," and I unwillingly shook his hand. However, little did I know that Goofy had a buzz shocker concealed in his palm, and when I freaked out from the sudden shock, Mickey, Goofy, and tons other Disney characters started laughing at me. So, I turned around and punched Goofy in the face. Trotting off, I could hear the clunk of a body hitting the ground and the cries of the saddened Disney characters trying to help their fallen friend. Well, that'll teach those bastards.

Continuing the search, I spotted Heihachi getting on The Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Scrambling to the front of the ride, I made many women and children cry. On accident of course. But the ride had started moving before I had reached Heihachi; so, taking quick action, I leapt onto the ride. Scaring the people in the back, I climbed madly to the front of the ride and saw Heihachi sitting comfortably in the first seat. "Heihachi!" I said grabbing his leg, "What are you doing, mister?! When this ride is over, you are coming with me." Then, Heihachi started crying. And when I say crying, I mean wailing. So, wailing madly and screaming, "RAPE!!" Heihachi scrambled free of my grasp and started kicking me in the face. How he accomplished that strapped in his seat, I will never know. Anywho, as he was kicking me in the face, a few ladies behind me were smacking me with their purses and yelling, "Pervert!" Trying to fight them off while holding on for dear life was quite a feat . . . that I just couldn't accomplish. Flicking away the purses, I lost my grip on the slippery side of the ride, and I went flailing into the murky, unclean water below. Smirking at me, Heihachi seemed quite proud of himself when the ride went sailing past me.

Angry, I jumped up on the island housing the various pirates and treasure chests and started racing down the isle. Catching up with the ride, I lunged off the props screaming, "AYE AYE YII!!!" and landed atop of my son. Fortunately, I knocked him out and, when the ride ended, I was able to easily bring Heihachi back to the women's restroom. And it was a very good thing for me that my wife hadn't exited the restroom yet.

Splashing a little water on Heihachi's face, he regained consciousness just in time for my wife to exit the facilities. Putting an arm around Heihachi's shoulder's in a palish sort of way, my wife stalked up to us and started ranting about the enormous lines and how they should invest in more bathrooms. Nodding or shaking my head, depending on what she was saying, I seemed to be in the clear. That is, until she turned suddenly and said, "Jinpachi, why are you wet? And dirty? What happened to Heihachi?!" Apparently she thought I beat him up or something because she wrest him from my grasp and stalked angrily toward the car. I couldn't understand why she thought this considering neither of us had bruises and we were both a little wet. But, that was the end of that little family vacation. The car trip home was made in silence.

And throughout his life, Heihachi and I had many similar encounters: he tried to push me over the Grand Canyon, he put honey over my eyes while we camped and I was almost eaten by a bear, etc. Some were less severe than others. My wife, however, had me convinced that I needed to mend my relationship with my son. She continually told me how it was all my fault he behaved the way he did and it was my problem to fix. Never once did I argue this point with her. I mean, I should've, but I thought she gave a valid argument. But where I got thought in my head, I'll never know.

The only time Heihachi didn't try to sabotage me was when we were training. But, looking back on it all, I never should have trained him in anything but decency toward others. Sadly, that slipped my mind.

Life continued in much the same way until Heihachi was finally able to move out of the house and fend for himself. When he had packed the last of his possessions and stood at the front door, my wife broke down in sobs and hugged him for a good hour or so. It was probably a shorter time than that, but it sure felt like an hour. I merely gave my son a strong handshake and a knowing smile. He didn't return my affection and instead turned abruptly and walked hurriedly down the stairs. I noticed him staggering left right in the direction of my cherished bird fountain. I haven't told you this yet, but I have such a strong affection for birds. They're so cute with their little wings, and tiny feet, and pretty little voices. My industrial sized condo birdhouse was also quite popular in the bird world, if I do say so myself. However, as he wandered closer to it, I heard his mother say in a laughing tone beside me, "Don't trip into it, Dear. You know how unhappy your father would be." Gazing back at his mother with a look I couldn't read, I glanced back at my wife and saw a determined look in her eyes. Then, looking back at Heihachi, things started to go in slow motion.

I remember seeing Heihachi give my wife the thumbs up and "tripping" sideways toward the birdhouse. Fleeing my position on the stairs, I raced madly toward Heihachi with one of those long, drawn-out, slow-mo, "No!"s. Heihachi cocked his head toward me a little and flung his whole body sideways. Lunging at him, I remember his body turning in air to face me and seeing the most devilish smile I'd ever seen. Continuing my lunge, because I can't really stop myself in mid-flight, I see Heihachi go limp and slam right into the bird house. Landing underneath the falling condo, I caught one last glimpse of my son's shadow streaking high above me and giving a slow motion cackle. Then, the splintered pieces of the bird house scattered through the air with a sickening crack sound and landed atop my fallen form.

Then everything went back to normal motion. "Oops," Heihachi said looking down on me, "I did it again." And though it was completely unfunny, my wife started laughing hysterically from the stairs. Crying a little, I lifted myself gently to my feet and looked at the scattered remains of the once beautiful bird living quarters. Without saying another word, my son left. However, my wife cackling madly from the stairs did nothing to ease the pain in my heart. And, when I reached her, she said, still gasping for air, "Oh, it was ugly anyway. Birds are such dirty creatures." And whipping a tear from her eye, she started to wander back inside the house. "You," I whispered in anger, "You told him to do that didn't you? _DIDN'T YOU_?!!" Taken aback, my wife stuttered, "O-of course not, Dear. I would-would never say – how could you accuse me of that?!" But I could see in her eyes that she was lying. And I'll be damned if I stood for that.

A few hours later, I had dragged my wife to a very secluded part of our basement and threw her in a big hole. She screamed madly all night, and I merely went back upstairs to fume over the birdhouse I had once built. I returned to her the next day and, with a little basket I tied to a rope, slipped it down into the darkness. "Put the lotion in the basket, Dearest." Screaming with fresh tears streaming down her face, my wife struggled even harder to get away from me. Hmm, she must've seen the movie too. Deciding I didn't want to be a creepy killer like what's-his-face, I jumped down and saved my wife. However, when I placed her on the ground, I noticed she wasn't moving. Or breathing. Sadly, the shock of the whole thing had killed her. However, she was a tad creepy, and I'm not sure anyone would care. But this really isn't about her, so . . . moving on.

With my wife deceased, I now had the whole Zaibatsu to myself. And, by golly, I did many great things with it too. But the best news came one day when I was sitting lazily in my office chair. The phone had rang, and I picked it up expecting to her some business like deal being offered or completed. However, the person on the other line was Heihachi. When I heard him say, "Hello Father. May I have a word?" I feel right out of my chair. "Why, of course you can, Son!" I said brightly. I never blamed him for the birdhouse thing, by the way. I felt that was all my wife's doing. Anyway, his voice informed me over the phone that his wife had given birth to a baby boy. Happy and shocked, I asked my son, "When did you get married? And why wasn't I invited?!" But Heihachi merely snorted and said, "Come visit your grandson if you'd like." Then he gave me the address and hung up.

Well, I was so happy that I leapt right out of my chair and raced down the stairs calling, "I'm a GRAND DADDY!!" Dashing madly to the given address, I came to find that the door was locked. Pounding on it a few times, I gave up on that and started climbing madly up the side of the house. When I finally found a window that was unlocked, I flung it open and staggered into the room. Tripping over a few things, I slammed right into the door and went sailing down some stairs. Recovering quickly, I stood in the middle of the room I had fallen into and screamed, "Heihachi! I'm here Son!" Hearing no one answer me back, I started to check the house.

Finding no one, I went back to the room I had fallen into and sat down on a couch. Putting my head in my hands, I started crying a bit. I hoped he hadn't given me a false address, but it seems like he was just pulling my leg. Crying a little harder, I didn't realize the door was being open or when a family stepped through that door. "Oi, Father. How'd you get in?"

Looking up from my hands, I made eye contact with my son. Looking just as mean as ever, I sifted gazes to his little wifey-wife. She smiled at me in a scared way, but then I looked down and saw the little bundle of love wrapped up in his blanky. I rushed over immediately. I picked up the boy and was relieved when he did not throw up on me. Nor did he try to kick me, punch me, or cry obscenely loud at me. Plus, he looked all cute and happy. The complete opposite of my son, and I knew it was love. However, my love was short lived when Heihachi ushered me quickly out of his house while saying, "Well, now you've seen him. Maybe we'll invite you over for a holiday or two, ok? Bye." When the door was slammed on my back, I was a tad disheartened, but knowing that I may get to spend Christmas with the little guy was enough to make my old heart mend. I skipped home while whistling to birds that evening.

Fortunately, Heihachi invited me over a few times for the holidays. He'd always ask where his mother was, and at first I told him she went on a very, very long trip. But after awhile, I told him she died quietly in her bed. He was saddened by this news, but he never brought up the topic about his mother again. Which was good for me, because wouldn't it be the craziest thing if I had told him what had actually happened? Oh, the laughs I'm sure we would've shared over that one!

I trained with little Kazuya a lot on these rare occasions. And, apparently, he had a strong like for me. This made me extremely pleased because my son was now forced to invite me over or suffer the wrath of his crying child. And no one likes a crying anything, so yeah. Life was so pleasant.

Unfortunately, things are not always perfect in paradise. I caught word that Heihachi was trying to over throw me. Not being pleased with this at all, I decided I would take a stand against my son and stop him. Then we could go get him into therapy and we could learn to love again. So, my big plan was to wait until he entered the building. Leading him to my office, I would catch him off guard when I would turn to hug him. Gripping him tightly in my super bear hug, I would call for the ninjas waiting in the shadows. Of course, they wouldn't be real ninjas, but, rather, a lovely group of well-organized gentlemen who would swoop down and tranquilize him. Then, they would lug him off to a nice secluded room where a therapist would enter once he became conscious. Struggling at first, Heihachi will then realize how wrong it was to try and take the company from me, and he'd walk out of that room with a new goal: love his family with all his heart! That was the plan anyway.

However, it wasn't so simple. Heihachi didn't enter the building according to the plan. Instead, he called me and asked me to meet him somewhere. I would've ignored the call if he wouldn't have finished with a, "Dad. I'm really sorry. I never should've acted the way I did to you. You're the best. Let me make it up to you." So overwhelmed by his turnaround, I gladly agreed to meet him. As you've probably guessed, though, it was a trap.

When I met up with Heihachi, he immediately started apologizing for his behavior and took me out for a nice lunch. Then, he took me out for a lovely movie. It was so wonderful, and we were getting along so great. Laughing as we got out of the movie theater, I patted him on the back and he smiled at me. Not even maliciously or anything. We began walking and talking and having a gay ol' time, when I realized that we've entered Honmaru. Wondering what we were doing here, I turned to my son and asked, "What are we doing here, Son?" Without saying a word, my son backed up and pulled a lever. Suddenly, the floor opened up underneath me and I fell through and hit the solid ground that was concealed by the floor. Looking up, I noticed the section of the floor I'd fallen through wasn't very big. Convenient that I happened to be standing on the proper spot. Seeing Heihachi peer through the hole was the last thing I saw before I passed out from the blow I received to my head.

Feeling a tingling sensation on my face, I wake to find Heihachi slapping me. I tried telling him to stop, that I was awake, but he just wouldn't listen. Consequently, I bit his hand on the next slap he gave. Yeah, that stopped him real fast. Trying to stand up, I noticed I was chained down to the floor. Struggling, I asked him, "Son! What's going on?" He merely scoffed at me and raised his hand to slap me again, but then thought otherwise. "Well, Father," he said calmly, "I need the Zaibatsu. You're far too old to control it for yourself. So, I'm just gonna leave you tied up down here. See ya!" And before I could respond, Heihachi had clambered back up the wall and laughed his stupid laugh as he closed the floor boards. And in the silence, I could hear his laugh reverberating off every wall. Dying a little inside, I slumped to the floor and cried a bit. I should've eaten him the minute he was born.

For decades I laid in wait. Really not having a plan, I wondered how I was going to get out of this prison. I tried gnawing on the chains, but that didn't work. Thrashing around just made an annoying noise of chains clinking together. I tried many different things, but they all failed. I remember thinking, "Any day now. Someone will realize that I've been trapped in this secluded underground prison and they will try to find me. _Any_ day now." But that any day never came. How I survived, I'll never know. But I tried to keep my sanity by continually singing "The Song that Never Ends." And I sang that for God only knows how long.

One day, I could hear feet shuffling in and out of the room. Then, I even heard some human voices. "What do you want to do with him?" one guy asked. Another responded by giving a grunt and saying, "Well, Heihachi said we should keep him locked up in here. Lordy, he's heavy!" Then, a third man with a slight lisp said affectionately, "I'll take him off your hands. He's just my type!" But the man who had spoken first retorted with a, "No, you can't have him. Let's just tie him up and get out of here."

I heard some more shuffling and the clatter of chains. Feeling bad for whoever got caught up there, I was also slightly distracted by the mention of my son's name. Anger boiled up in me, and I wished I was free to go and rip out his spine and force feed it to him. But I was still trapped. I tried to speak to the captured person, but they were either un-conscience or dead. So, giving up on that, I resumed a slumped position on the ground and started to whistle my rendition of "Sweet Child O' Mine." Thinking back, that was a bit ironic considering my child wasn't sweet at all . . . or because of the fact the song wasn't written about a child in the first place, both of which were kinda funny.

Suddenly, I heard the doors burst open and two people were talking to each other. I couldn't quite distinguish the voices, but one seemed so familiar . . . Anyway, I heard a loud scream and a slam as a person hit the wall. I realized at once that my son was up there. Having no way to get to him, I sat there in silence, wondering what was going to happen next. The voice I heard speak was not the one of my son's. It had a strange quality to it, and he seemed to be talking to the chained up person. Then some words got lost here and there, but I made him out saying something about some guy named Jin Kazama. A huge clunk to the ground made me realize that this Jin Kazama person must have been the one who had been captured. He said a little spiel and, then, a fight started. Not knowing what was going on was killing me, and I was shifting uncontrollably.

Finally, the sounds of the battle stopped and I waited, ears straining. It seemed my son had gotten back up and was ready to fight whoever had won. As another battle started, I rooted for the mystery man to win. I kept whispering things like, "Give him the chair!" and "Slap him thrice and hand him to his momma!" and then it was silent.

Listening intently, I heard the young man speaking to Heihachi. I assumed he won cause Heihachi was making pathetic, whimpering sounds. I was pleased. But then, I hear a crash and it was silent. I wondered if everyone was dead. A few minutes later, I heard more explosions and crashes. And I was so bewildered I didn't even try to get out. However, the explosion caused my confinement to burst into flames. Surging with power, I realize I was possessed by something seeing as how I could now escape when I couldn't previously. Stretching my legs a bit, I crawl up and out of the ruble and find bits and pieces of machines scattered everywhere. But, there was no sign that anyone had been in here, so I made my merry way out.

I heard rumors that Heihachi Mishima was finally dead. Ecstatic, I moseyed on over to the Mishima Zaibatsu compound and had a look around. Seeing as how it was in utter chaos, I walked back up to the office I had managed all those years ago and sat comfortably in my chair. Looking around, I noticed my son had made himself quite comfortable. Looking at a picture on the mantel, I noticed it was a picture of Heihachi standing beside a cliff and giving a thumbs-up sign. He didn't look that old in the picture, so I assumed whatever he was so excited about happened just a few years after he imprisoned me. A picture next to that one revealed an almost similar sight. Heihachi held a gun in his hand and was stooping over the body of a young man. He was giving the thumbs-up in this picture as well. I wondered why he had such stupid pictures, but I quickly ignored them as I made my first statement of power. I declared the next King of the Iron Fist Tournament. Apparently, it was number five.

I hoped to attract strong fighters who would kill me and destroy the evil within me. But I had no idea if there was anyone strong enough, so I set my hopes pretty low that anyone would try and help. However, I also wrote a letter to my good friend Wang Jinrei. In it, I asked him to enter the tournament and stop my cursed blood line. I only hoped he was still alive. I mean, good Lord, I was pretty old myself but he was, like, one thousand or something. Anyway, I knew I could count on him if he was alive.

With those preparations complete, I made my way to the tournament grounds. Surprisingly, there were many people willing to fight. I found out one of them was my dear little grandchild, Kazuya. Of course, he didn't look so darling after I saw him. Steering clear of him, I also discovered I had a great grand baby. He was Jin Kazama, I was happy to find out. Of course, I was glad he was all right after fighting both his grandfather and his father, but I couldn't believe that all this family ever did was fight and kill each other. We're such a ruthless bunch. I also saw my dear friend Wang. But he was looking mighty old and frail. And don't even get me started on some of these other people. There were women dressed in barely anything but a string, some young punks were there, some guys had tattoos, the new-age hairstyles were beyond me, and one man even had a cat for a head. Quite an unsavory bunch. However, the devil possessing me would not permit me to mingle with the contestants, and I could only hope that someone would kill me soon.

Fortunately for me, Jin Kazama stood up to the challenge and defeated this poor old man. Of course, he showed no respect toward me, and I gave none back. It was like we weren't even related. Oh well. Boys will be boys I suppose.

Fading into obscurity, I remember feeling happy and content. Sort of. I was happy to take this evil bit of energy with me, but I was concerned for the rest of my family. They were all devil happy. And if they're not stopped, then . . . it'll be a regular Hell on earth! Hahaha, get it? The Devil is the ruler of Hell, and they're on earth? Hell on earth?! Ya get it?!?! Oh, I'm good. Anyway, I leave you now with one request: Please, won't somebody kill my son, and do it right for a change?!

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The End

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A/N: Well, that was the surprise mystery character! For having so little, he sure had a lot didn't he? Reviews are, as always, greatly appreciated! Anyway, I want to make one thing clear: I'm going off a Tekken 6 storyline that I presume to be true. Now, with that said, the story is liable to change at any time before the game is released. If the official story that comes out is different, then I'm sorry. However, to the best of my knowledge, it should be correct. But, I thought I'd let you know anyway. There are two movie references in this. One is easy to find, and the other's a little harder. But I'll give you a hint: one is from The Silence of the Lambs (the easy one) and the other is from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (a little harder). If you find them both, then great! That would be wonderful. If you don't, then it really doesn't alter the story, so . . . that's great too. Anywho, for the next chapter I'm either going to do: Devil Jin, Devil, Angel, or Asuka. I was even thinking about combining Devil/Devil Jin/Angel's chapters together, but we'll see. Or, I maybe I'll just do Asuka's because she's one person and they're, well . . . three. As always, thank you for reading! You guys are great!!


	7. Asuka Kazama

A/N: After taking so many liberties I could cry, I've finally finished Asuka's chapter. Smiles all around!! Sorry it took so long, by the way. Anyway, she's pretty mean and sarcastic to most of the people in this story, but I tried to keep to her in character as best I could. You know, brash and arrogant and such. Hey, Wikipedia and Namco said that, not me. I hope you enjoy it!!

Disclaimer: Alas, I still do not own the masterpiece that is Tekken. Oh Namco, how you scorn me!

Rating: Still T for all the same stuff. You know, violence, language, blah blah.

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I'll Show _You_ a Sense of Justice!

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Oh man, are the rest of you as bored as I am after reading those lame excuses for lives? Seriously, what a pity party those people had going! The only cool ones were Jin and Jun . . . and that's because their last name was Kazama! Haha! Kazama power!! Oh yes, my name, by the way, is Asuka Kazama! And instead of the lame stories of inter-family revenge, I'm going to tell you about my life and a revenge spawned years in the making from two different corners of the globe! Okay, it's not really as deep seeded nor actually that far away. I merely had a beef with a Chinese man . . . and China isn't really that far away from Japan. Work with me people! It's much more fun that way!!

Well, all my life I grew up in a dojo run by my father. He was so good at beating people up, too! He didn't like referring to it as "beating people up," but I don't care if you're a great martial arts master or karate anything, the fact is . . . you beat people up. Like, everyday! You can pretty it up by saying, "I'm helping them to find their inner peace" or "I'm releasing their anger within," but that doesn't help the fact that you constantly beat the crap out of them to do it. So, yes, my father was good at beating people up.

But I wasn't too bad myself. In fact, I was pretty much amazing at beating people up. Oh, excuse me, I was amazing at "helping them find their inner peace." I hope my dad reads this and sees how totally uncool that sounds. But don't mistake me for a bully, I merely helped poor, little defenseless weaklings from older, stupider people. It was actually quite a liberating experience. I especially liked it 'cause I was like a one person attack machine. Seriously, people would see me coming and would be all, "Oh man, Asuka is so darn cool!" or "Oh man! Don't mess with her! I heard she once turned a guy into a pretzel by just lookin' at 'im!!" Of course the pretzel thing was just an exaggeration . . . I used my hands.

But like I said, I am no bully. I did it all for the little man! One might say I had a very powerful sense of Justice! In my younger years, I even called myself "The Awe-Inspiring Asuka!" I had a costume and everything. Phone booths, empty street corners, and just in front of random people were perfect places to change into my super suit, and I carried around a fire extinguisher to get a cool effect of smoke or something. Of course, the stuff that comes out of a fire extinguisher isn't smoky at all. In fact, it's a rather goo like white substance. But I still liked to pretend it was smoke. Anyway, I'd leap in and say something all hero-y while spraying the creepy liquidly solid stuff all over the bad guys! And sometimes the good guys, but what are a few casualties along the way?

One day I was scouting the area, like I usually did, and I came across a huge group of bullies. I mean, the group was so huge I couldn't even see who they were beating up. At first, I was going to ignore them. I merely thought they were busy kicking each other or something, but I kept hearing a little cry emitting from the center of the group. Deciding that these guys needed a little Awe-Inspiring Asuka flare, I slid down the fire exit ladder of the building I had been perching on and ran (in a very heroic way) over to the group. "Stop this now, you jerks!" I shouted dramatically pointing my finger at them. And when I finally had their attention, I spun around awesomely while slipping into my super suit. And with a final little flip of the tiara, I spun it wickedly and placed it perfectly a top my head. Then, shaking my finger a bit, I proclaimed, "How dare you pick on the weak and helpless! I, Awe-Inspiring Asuka, shall stop you!!" And, like everybody else who hasn't been beaten up by me the past, they all laughed. One guy even came over and patted me on the head. Bad idea.

Grabbing the disgustingly sweaty hand of the 12 year old (I was about 9 at the time, mind you), I smashed his fingers in his palm and twisted his arm tightly around his back. "Grr, get her!" he shouted to the rest of his posse. I guess he was probably the leader because they all did what he said. Suddenly, the other 12 year olds, and I think a few 13 year olds, had me surrounded. "Awe- Inspiring Asuka fears no one!" I proclaimed loudly. Laughing, the stupid boys took a good look at each other and reached dangerously into their pockets. Some revealed knives and others were loading their guns. But I wasn't scared, oh no. "Bring it on, bitches!" I yelled dramatically to the group. Snarling, the men with knives lunged at me while the other dudes got into proper firing position. Smiling to myself, I reached one arm up and grabbed the fastest knife lunging guy. After twisting the knife from his arm and slicing his back with it, I blocked the swipe of one knife guy while kicking another in the face. When his knife went skidding across the ground, I swooped with haste to pick it up and then doubled back on the guy I had blocked. Slicing his arm off, I grabbed his knife in my teeth, and got into a very awesome attack position.

Finally, the guys with guns started firing at me. I blocked the bullets with my expert knife evasion techniques and even sent a couple back at them. I took down one guy with his own bullet. But the other two weren't so lucky. When they were reloading their guns, I snapped my wrist and flung a knife at both of them. It got lodged in the guns and exploded in their faces. Spinning triumphantly, I snatched the knife from my mouth and turned to the leader. Pointing the knife at him I whispered, "Show me what ya got."

Shaking madly, the leader yelled, "You haven't won yet! You're just a girl!!" And with that, he took a small device from his pocket. Snapping the top off with his thumb, he cackled evilly as he pressed the button concealed underneath. Suddenly, I heard a rumbling and a large crash sprang from the ocean. Looking over dramatically, I noticed a huge monster type thing was making its way from the cold, dark depths of its watery prison. Still laughing, the ugly leader boy scoffed, "Try and beat this, action girly girl!" Shaking my fist at him in contempt, I hopped on my bike and went speeding down to the ocean's shore.

When I got there, the monster robot thing had just broken free. Letting loose a very high pitched, ear piercing shriek, the thing turned its attention toward me. "Now my pretty!" I heard an echo-y voice call out, "Smash her!" It was then I saw the ugly leader boy piloting the gigantic monster thing. Lasers started shooting out everywhere and a few missiles missed me by an inch. Forming a brilliant idea, I climbed madly up the leg until I found a hatch located on what would be the thigh. Letting loose a cry of justice, I flipped open the hatch and pressed the "Shut Down" button. And I also stuck the knife in there for good measure. Instantly, the creature stopped moving and I could hear the ugly leader boy screaming, "You'll pay for this, Awe-Inspiring Asuka!" When the monster had finally sank back to its murky depths, I turned toward the setting sun dramatically and gave a huge "Peace!" sign.

Now it was time to go help the weak, defenseless person who should really learn how to fight better. Getting back on my bike, I peddled back to where I had first fought off the crazed band of boys. When I got back to the spot, however, I couldn't find anyone in distress. Save for the few guys who I had taken care of already, there was no one there. But that's when I heard the little cry again. Looking around, I saw no one. Then I felt something furry brush up against my leg. Screeching, I jumped a little. Glancing around madly, I still saw no one. I was so confused until I heard the little cry. Realizing it was coming from below me, I looked down quickly only to reveal . . . the cutest little kitty in the world!

Breathing a sigh of relief, I plopped down next to the kitty and started petting him. Noticing that the bullies had tied sand bags to the kitty's feet, I became enraged once more and carefully untied the bags. When the kitten was free, I tried to shoo it on home, but it didn't want to go. Nor did I try very hard to shoo it, but whatever. Deciding my father wouldn't mind if I had a cat, I scooped the kitty up in my arms and, kicking a stupid boy in the head one last time, got on my bike and rode away.

My father wasn't too excited about the idea of me having a cat. Actually, his exact words were, "Ahh! Cat! I hate cats!! Get it out, get it out!!" but I figured if I hid them, then we wouldn't have a problem. So, every night I'd bring Mister Kitty-Kins some left overs and old socks to play with. My father never suspected a thing.

Oddly enough, I grew tired of beating the same stupid people up every day. But I grew to love kitties. After school I'd go and stare at kitties in pet shops, or front yards, or even in people's houses. Sure, I scared a few inhabitants, but it was all for the sake of looking at cute little kittens. They got over it . . . I'm sure.

As I grew older, I spent a good deal of my time training, going to school, beating up people, and saving kitties'. I gave up the whole Awe-Inspiring Asuka thing . . . in a sense. Instead of putting on a costume to beat up people, I just beat them up. And the older I got, the better I got. So now I could end fights relatively fast based on my superior fighting skills.

School was pretty boring, actually. I didn't have any want or need to be there, so I usually doodled little pictures of kitties and other cute stuff all over my books and papers. I also drew myself beating up people. Usually it was a teacher I happened to be mad at, at the time. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, my drawing skills were severely lacking, so it's not like anyone could tell what anything was in the first place. But I'm amazing at other things, and when did art ever help people? Yeah, that's what I thought.

One day as I was coming home from school, I decided that it would be fun to ride my bike off the tallest freakin' building in Japan! Well, Osaka anyway. So, instead of going right home, I made a small pit stop.

As I lugged the bike up numerous flights of stairs, I got a few incredulous, skeptical, and "Damn, this girl's crazy!" looks. But when I finally got to the top, I looked triumphantly over the city. Everything looked so small and tiny, and I couldn't wait to freak the people out on the ground level! So, smiling into the vastness, a little birdy flew past me. Looking as giddy as a school girl (which actually makes sense in this case because I am indeed a school girl), I took a flying leap off the building. It was so cool how the wind was whooshing around my face and stuff, but the rate at which I was falling was quite fast. Letting loose a girly, "Yippie!!!!" I crashed down seemingly from the Heavens and rode off the sides of buildings and store over hangings. And it's a mighty fine thing I decided to jump off an incredibly tall building that could've easily killed me, because as I was riding down, I saw this poor little kitty fall from a relatively high building. Twisting my bike, I rode of the side of one building and stretched my arm out for the cat. Grabbing it, I smashed my elbow into some guys' sign and landed roughly on the ground. Freaking a lot of people out, I ignored them and smiled sweetly at the kitty. Then I started laughing hysterically. But not because I had just survived a near death experience or anything, but because I hit my funny bone. And, oh man, did I hit it!

Setting the kitty off to one side, I gave it a small pat on the head and rode away. Still clutching my elbow, I chuckled the rest of the way home, crying a little. It really actually hurt too. But not really from the elbow being smashed into the sign, but, rather, because I had been laughing so hard that my sides hurt. I am no wimp.

When I finally returned home, I noticed a bunch of my father's students crawling around trying to stand and others writhing in pain. Leaping off my bike, I rushed to the side of one man and said, "What's going on here?!" He explained to me that some Chinese man came here and beat everyone up including my father. Growling in anger, I punched the guy in the head. "Ow! What was that for?!" the guy asked rubbing his weak little head. Punching him again I proclaimed, "Didn't my father teach you guys how to fight?! Did you even defend yourselves, you bunch o' pussies?!?!" But I really shouldn't have said that because they all started crying and saying things like, "Oh! If only I was stronger!" and "If only you had been here, Asuka!" It was so very pathetic.

Finally, I stood up and screamed, "SILENCE!!" They all shut up promptly. Gazing around, I could see that they all had tear stained faces. Buncha babies is what they are. Sighing in frustration, I asked, "So, where's my father? I need to beat him up too!" This caused another man to burst out in tears. Crawling over to me, the crying man shook my leg and said, "Wahh, he-he-he got t-t-t-taken (sniff) away (sniff) to-to-to the hos- (sniff) (hiccup) the hospital!" Shaking the man away from me I asked unbelieving, "My father is in the hospital?!" The man continued crying and nodded his head vigorously. Anger growing some more, I yelled one more time at the group of overly large babies who need to grow some balls and rode my bike ferociously to the hospital.

When I got there, I jumped awesomely off my moving bike, landed on my feet, and ran swiftly into the entrance. Slamming the doors open with both hands, I screamed, "Oh, Father! Where are you?!" Immediately I was shushed by a few nurses and they lead me to the waiting room. Grabbing a small one, I demanded, "Where's my father? Please, I need to see him!!" I think I scared her because she immediately asked for my name and told me to follow her.

When I entered my father's room, it was all dark and the sounds of little hums and beeps were everywhere. Closing the door behind her, the little nurse crept silently out of the room. Walking over to my father's bedside, I glanced down at his face. He was sleeping so peacefully. Placing both hands on that face, I stared at him a few more seconds and then shook his head violently. Startled, my father woke up and immediately started trying to pry my hands off of his while screaming, "Wha-wha??" Releasing my hold, I let him regain his bearings. When he had finally got his eyes to focus, he looked at me and said, "Asuka (cough) my child." He was putting on quite the pity act for being who he was. So, punching him in the arm I yelled, "How could you allow someone to beat you up?! You're stronger than that!!" Hanging his head sheepishly, my father put a hand to his temple and began his story.

He told me he was sitting down to a nice cup of tea when a large fight began taking place in the main part of the dojo. Deciding to see what was going on, my father stood and walked calmly over to the entrance. Looking around, he saw a man he had never seen before beating up all his students. "Hey," my father called, "Do not attack them." But the man didn't really listen to my father and beat up the other guys anyway. Finally, the creepy man turned to my father and said, "Fight me." My father shook his head no and turned to go back into his tea room. That's when he got attacked. "And then I ended up here," he finished lamely.

Smacking my head in disbelief, I shook my head and exclaimed, "Father! You know that you're never suppose to turn your back on an enemy!!" Giving me a defeated look, he merely hunched his shoulders and said, "Sorry." I gave him a few good kicks for that one.

After hearing that he was going to be just fine from the doctor who was treating him, I went back into my father's room and asked him what this guy looked like. "Well," my father started sitting up, "He was real mean looking. Kinda like he had a permanent scowl plastered on his face. And his eyes were all squinty. Also, he had pulled back black hair in a long braid/ponytail deal. He wasn't too big, but a bit muscular looking. You know, he would definitely stand out in a crowd. Oh yes, and I believe he was Chinese." Standing up suddenly, I grasped my father's hand tightly in mine and proclaimed, "Father! I will get you revenge!" I finished the last part by shaking my fist to the Heavens. But he told me to simmer down and go to school like a good little girl. Like Hell I would! However, he gave me a good slap to the head and told me that I'd better go to school or else. Whatever, I concede defeat.

A few days later, a man from a police agency in Hong Kong came to check out the scene. I didn't trust him much, though, because he might've been in cahoots with the man who attacked my father. I mean, I wasn't sure or not, but he was Chinese . . . and that's all I had to go off of. Anyway, I followed him closely around the dojo, carefully watching every move he made. Once, he asked me if I had any tea, but I freaked out at a voice interrupting the silence, and slapped him across the face. Apologizing a little, I told him I'd get him some tea. He merely laughed and said, "Thank you!" This caused me to become even more suspicious. I mean, when you hit someone in the face, they're suppose to get mad and freak out at you. But not this man . . . Chinese man. He stayed perfectly calm. Almost _too_ perfectly.

When I brought him the tea, he told me that the likely suspect in the case was Feng Wei and that he will more than likely be entering the King of the Iron Fist tournament. "Well," I said nodding my head, "then I'm going to enter too!" The cop gave me a look I couldn't read and turned to me with a smile. "I suppose we'll be seeing each other there, then!" Laughing out loud, I said, "You can't possibly tell me that _you_ are a fighter? Please, old man." Smiling creepily, the man said, "Oh, I can get by pretty well. My name is Lei by the way. Lei Wulong. I suppose I'll be seeing you again Miss Kazama." And with that, he turned and left the dojo. Frightened at his friendly creepiness, I vowed to stay as far away from him as possible.

My father really didn't want me entering the tournament, but he couldn't really stop me either considering he was bed ridden for a few weeks. Thus, admitting he wasn't going to be able to stop me, he decided to tell me a little about what it was going to be like. I asked him how he knew if he'd never participated in a Tekken tournament, but he tried covering it up by saying that he "had his sources." Oh, my poor, poor father. From what I heard, though, I determined that it was going to be a piece of cake. So, when I finally set off, I had no worries what-so-ever.

But when I got there, I noticed that these people were more freak than fighter anyway. Seriously, one guy was parading around in a jaguar mask and drinking beer. That's right . . . he was drinking beer _with_ the mask on. Ok . . . freak-o! And that's not all! There was an alien dude in the corner playing some game on a PSP, another guy had the most gravity defying hair I'd ever seen, there was a monstrous gorilla man there too. Oh man, there were some serious head cases here! Upon closer inspection, I noticed that many of these people looked Chinese. I suppose King of the Iron Fist Tournaments must be a breeding ground for them.

I noticed one man, in particular, standing with the gravity defying hair man. He had the distinct air of a Chinese man about him. So, crouching, I snaked my way over to the two and hid in some bushes. " – but he just couldn't use it properly. I told him he shouldn't ride it! But did he listen to me . . . no, of course not!!! Why'd you let him ride your bike, Paul?!?!?!?!" cried the Chinese man. And when he flung himself into the pillar hair guy crying, the man merely patted his back and said words like, "It's gonna be ok, man," and "Forest will be fine." I doubted, seriously doubted, that this man was the one to injure my father. But you never know with these Chinese types. Staying hidden, I was suddenly startled by words in the form of a high pitched squeak that questioned, "Whatcha doin'?"

Holding my heart and glancing up in fright, I noticed it was a cute little girl. Well, I suppose she was about my age, but she was very petite. After explaining to her that I wasn't doing a thing and introduced myself, she introduced herself to me as Ling Xiaoyu. So . . . she was one of them too. "So, you're Chinese," I said with my best smile. She nodded cheerfully and said, "Yup!" However, I noted that she was a girl and, since my father was attacked by a man, she couldn't be the one. But you never know what those Chinese are capable of. I mean, she could have had a clever disguise that day or something. Remembering that Lei guy had told me the suspects name, I excused myself from Ling and went off to find Lei.

I found him relatively easy, and, when I asked him about the guy, he pointed in a direction off to his right. "Feng Wei," he said quietly, "Is right over there. He's the one who's sitting alone in the corner." Finally laying my eyes on him, I concluded that he probably was the one who beat up my father. What a little bitch! I was so going to take him out during the tournament, but I decided I'd go verbally assault him right then and there.

Stomping my way over, I kept my eyes to the floor in rage. How dare he beat up my father! What a heartless bastard!! Unfortunately, I really should've looked where I was going because I ended up running into a brick wall. Except it wasn't really a brick wall . . . it was a man. Stumbling, the man caught me and murmured a little, "Excuse me," as he passed. Startled, I was just about to yell at the guy when all of a sudden a voice screamed, "Get back here, Kazama! I ain't done with you!" Freaked out I had done something wrong, I tried to reason with the yelling guy as he drew ever closer. However, he passed me without a thought. How rude! Stomping back over to Lei, I explained the weird predicament I had just been in and told him to go arrest that guy for sexual assault. I know he didn't do anything to me personally, but to ignore me like that should be a crime all on it's own . . . plus, he said my name. "Well," Lei said lifting his hand to his chin, "Hwoarang was probably talking to Jin Kazama. Not you." Giving Lei a look of surprise, I exclaimed, "There's another Kazama here?! Oh my God! Are we, like, related?!?!"

"Shouldn't you know things like that?" Lei asked. Blushing, I figured he was right. And later I found out that Jin and I were actually cousins, but let's not dwell on the small details. Choosing not to talk with anybody until the tournament started, I found my lodgings and went straight to my room.

And finally the chosen day came. When I finally got to Feng Wei, I shouted, "Hey Butt face! How dare you beat up my father like that! What the Hell gives you the right?!?!" And, of course, he ignored me. Anger rising, I decided to take him out nice and brutally. And I did. I don't think he was expecting to get beat by a girl . . . what a loser. Now having my purpose fulfilled for this tournament, I decided to stay awhile longer and kick some major booty. Just because I could. Heck, maybe I could even win this thing! Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the finals. From what I hear, my cousin Jin won the tournament. Well, cousin Jin, you just wait till next time buddy! 'Cause I'm comin' after you!!

Now, wasn't my story much more interesting then those other boobs. Yeah, that's what I thought! None of them had the awesome life experiences I had!! Plus, I bet I could take down each and every one of them in one huge brawl. But that's because I so rock! Anyway, peace out and stay good! You don't want me to have to come and Awe-Inspiring Asuka yo' ass!!!

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The End

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A/N: Well, wasn't that fun?! I know Lei acted a bit like a creepy perv when he first showed up. I will explain all that in his chapter, so you'll just have to be patient. Oh yes, and I don't have anything against Chinese people at all. I just thought it'd be funny to have Asuka be suspicious of every Chinese person. I sincerely hope I didn't offend anyone! And I know that in every story I've insulted Paul in some way. But don't get me wrong, I really do love Paul. He's just easy to make fun of. Poor guy. And in case you don't know who the gorilla man I was talking was, well, it's Craig Marduk. The human monkey. Well, he is very hairy. In the next chapter, I think I'm going to combine Devil and Angel. Because Devil should be pretty easy to write about . . . but Angel's a different story. If I have them verbally fight between each other while telling their story, I think it will work out better. But I'm not sure yet, so don't quote me on that. Whatever I decide to do, I know the chapter after that belongs to Devil Jin and then Ling Xiaoyu. After that, it's up in the air. Hurray!! Thank you so much for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated!!


	8. Devil and Angel

A/N: One year anniversary! Yay!! I'm so excited, I could cry! But I'll save that for later. Anywho, this chapter is going to be different from every other chapter in this story. But don't worry, if you don't like the way it's written, it won't stay that way. I just couldn't think of a good Angel story, so I smushed her in with Devil and they just had a huge bitch fight. It was fun! I hope you enjoy reading it, because it was pretty damn fun to write.

Oh yeah, and say hello again to all the previous chapter owners. They make a special little cameo appearance at the end. Hahaha! I don't know why either!

— I would like to give a shout out to a good friend of mine! mr. bauer has written a story that I think you should check out! It's a real nifty little story, and all he wants is some more people to leave him some nice comments. You can even see the ones I left him, if you want! Anyway, if it makes you feel any better, I had no idea what I was reading about and still enjoyed it!

Disclaimer: Alas, I still do not own the masterpiece that is Tekken. Oh Namco, how you scorn me!

Rating: Still T for all the same stuff. You know, violence, language, blah blah.

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The Good, The Bad, And The Annoying

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**_Devil_**:

I'm sure you're all well aware that Kazuya Mishima is one major bad-ass. And, I'm not telling you that you're wrong or anything, but do you know how he got to be so bad-ass? It wasn't the suit, it wasn't the hair, it wasn't even that cocky attitude if his. No, the reason why Kazuya is such a bad-ass is one word: me. I made that sniveling child everything he is!

Oh, come now, you really don't know who I am? I'm the Devil for crying out loud! I made that pansy Kazuya everything he is!

**_Angel_**:

Oh, be quiet you! All you managed to do was break a perfectly kind boy! You should be ashamed of yourself more than anything.

_**Devil**_:

Angel? What the Hell do you want, cupcake? This is man talk. No one cares about your righteous bullshit. Besides, everyone knows that Kazuya was always just a little bastard to begin with. Even if you had gotten to him first, he would've just ended up being a bastardly priest or worse.

_**Angel**_:

Hold your tongue, knave!

_**Devil**_:

Knave? Who the Hell says knave?

_**Angel**_:

I do, you rube. Now, believe kind people when I tell you that Kazuya is merely confused. He is a kind, kind man deep down, but he has trouble expressing his feelings because of this twit over here.

_**Devil**_:

Twit?! How dare you, bitch! But if you're so smart and believe so deeply that Kazuya is all good and shit, then tell me why he sold his soul to me in order to get revenge on his father and kill him?

_**Angel**_:

It was a moment of blind anger, obviously.

_**Devil**_:

Oh yeah? Then how come he still wants to kill him? You think that's all my doing? Well, I got something to tell you, Princess, Kazuya's just a bastard. Yeah, he sold his soul to me, but all that crap that he did to people in his life was all his doing . . . mostly. I mean, I may have had a hand in a few of those.

_**Angel**_:

Roughian. But I still see no validation in your point. Kazuya may have been a bitter child, but he didn't go out of his way to hurt people.

_**Devil**_:

Oh yeah? What about the time he threw a fork at Lee? Or beat his father within an inch of his life? Or when he almost threw that same dear ol' daddy over a cliff? Hmm? Or what about all the other people he beat up? All the insults directed at Paul? His extreme unkindness to Jun? What about all that, light weight?

_**Angel**_:

Well, you do certainly give many examples. But just because he's confused and his actions dictate his confusion, doesn't mean that he is a bad person.

_**Devil**_:

It sure as Hell does! Look at the facts, pansy. Kazuya has been beating people up since he was but a wee little lad. You can't tell me he's been confused all his life.

_**Angel**_:

Just because he fights doesn't mean he's doing it with the intention to hurt someone. People fight for all kinds of reasons, and I don't think Kazuya was doing it to be malicious. In fact, look at all the good things he's done! Remember that time he ran out in the street and saved that puppy?

_**Devil**_:

That's only 'cause the damn dog stole one of socks and ran off with it.

_**Angel**_:

True, but when he got there, he could have merely yanked the sock away without saving himself. But he didn't, did he? No, he saved it.

_**Devil**_:

That was a really shitty point.

_**Angel**_:

Or how about the time when he banded together with his adopted brother, Lee, to stop his dad from doing whatever evil he was going to commit.

_**Devil**_:

Hahaha! Yeah, so he could rule the Mishima Zaibatsu! You're making really crappy points and only emphasizing my point further, douche bag.

_**Angel**_:

Hmf. Fine, I will give you my honest opinion. I think Kazuya may have a bit of mean spiritedness in him, but I truly believe it's all your fault.

_**Devil**_:

It probably is.

_**Angel**_:

So kind of you to admit that.

_**Devil**_:

Anyway, I'm gonna tell you why Kazuya's a bastard. And you're gonna shut up and listen.

Kazuya is, has, and will always be a bastard. The reason: his father. His father raised him to act like a little prick and trust no one. And while he was young and impressionable even. Not only that, but the way his father tried to toughen him up obviously failed as well. An extreme for an extreme is always just that. Extreme.

But you know what, I'm glad he's so bitchy. He was the perfect host! And he succumbed to me without reservations or fears. I bet if you would've floated your candy ass down there and said, "Are you all right, young child of God?" he would've pushed his stomach in and bleed all over so that he could die faster. In fact, I _know_ that's what he would've done. Sorry, toots, but Kazuya's always been just a cranky little bastard.

_**Angel**_:

Oh, and you know everything now? You listen to me, cur. Everyone is born kind. Kazuya was, indeed, corrupted, but think of all the decent things he did. He despises his brother, but you don't see him beating him up at every chance he gets, like you seem to suggest. Oh, and here's a big one, Kazuya even learned to show love for another human being. And while it may have just been a one night stand, I feel Kazuya held strong feelings of love for Jun Kazama. They even had a lovely child together.

_**Devil**_:

Whatever. His kid's a bastard too.

_**Angel**_:

How dare you! Stop referring to people that way!

_**Devil**_:

Wah, wah. And, anyway, just 'cause he had sex with some lady don't mean nothing. A man's got needs he has to relieve, you know. Oh wait, no you don't. He doesn't even like his kid!

_**Angel**_:

And whose fault is that, really? Jin gained half of your soul when you so bravely decided to flee from Kazuya's dying body. And then, when you went back to Kazuya (after Jun beat you up, I do recall) you realized that you now only had half the power that you once had. Thus, you decided it'd be a cute idea to make Kazuya hate his own son!

_**Devil**_:

Grah!! Shut up! It wasn't like that, ok?! Kazuya was dead weight, a fresh new source was lookin' pretty damn good, and I didn't lose. She tricked me!

_**Angel**_:

I seem to recall you pleading with her for her baby, and she yelled at you, refused you point blank, and kicked you squarely where the sun never shines.

_**Devil**_:

SEE?! It was a dirty trick! I hate that bitch.

_**Angel**_:

Oh, do calm down. Besides, the fact still stays that you pitted father against son.

_**Devil**_:

Bullshit. I did have a hand in it, but Jin wasn't exactly, "Oh, Daddy Dearest! How I love you so!" He hated his dad just as much as everyone else does.

_**Angel**_:

Now, that's not even true! Jun still cares deeply for Kazuya. And so did Jinpachi. And, even though they are in a bit of a tiff right now, I'm sure Jin loves his father.

_**Devil**_:

Bah! Wishful thinking, cream puff. Why can't you just get the fact that Kazuya is a huge bastard?!

_**Angel**_:

Ahh!! I admit he's a tad cruel, but you need to stop referring to him that way!

_**Devil**_:

The guy's got no redeemable qualities. It's ok to call him a bastard.

_**Angel**_:

Interesting. If he's got no redeemable qualities, then why do you take on his appearance a good majority of the time?

_**Devil**_:

(Gasp!) You . . . _BITCH!!_ How dare you! He takes on _my_ qualities! If he would've had his own, he would've looked like his dad.

_**Angel**_:

What? Are you saying you don't have any redeemable qualities if he looks like you but has no redeemable qualities himself?

_**Devil**_:

Ahh! Shut up, _shut up!_ You just don't get me at all!

_**Angel**_:

And that's why I'm in Heaven and you're in Hell.

_**Devil**_:

Can't we just agree that Kazuya is a bastard and be done with it?

_**Angel**_:

No. Because he's not.

_**Devil**_:

Fine. At least I know one thing we can agree on.

_**Angel**_:

Huh? What's that?

_**Devil**_:

That Paul Phoenix's hair looks incredibly stupid 24/7.

_**Angel**_:

Sadly, it's true. I do agree with you.

_**Kazuya**_:

Would you two mind shutting the Hell up?! I'm trying to sleep, God damn it!!

_**Devil and Angel**_:

. . . Ok.

_**Kazuya**_:

Jesus Christ. Bunch of fucking retards.

_**Devil and Angel**_:

(Cry)

_**Heihachi**_:

What's wrong with you boy?! (Slaps Kazuya upside the head) I'm trying to sleep, dammit!

_**Lee**_:

Shut up, guys! I need my beauty rest!!

_**Jinpachi**_:

Don't you yell at my Grandson, son! (Slaps Heihachi upside the head) Punk!

_**Heihachi**_:

Shut up, Dad!

_**Jin**_:

All of you shut up.

_**Jun**_:

Oh Jin, that's not nice! But he's right. Everyone please be quiet and go to sleep.

_**Asuka**_:

Or I might just Awe-Inspiring Asuka your behinds!

_**Devil and Angel**_:

. . . Oi . . .

--------------------------

The End

--------------------------

A/N: Oh, that ended so off-color, hahaha! Sorry, I just felt like including everyone up to this point in the story since the chapter was so much shorter than usual. Don't worry, it'll never happen again! Well, I mean, Devil Jin's chapter may be kinda short, but I don't foresee the conversation style happening ever again.

Oh, and I know I keep ragging on Paul, but you know I love him! Well, maybe you didn't, but he's great. Really he is! And I severely contrasted the style in which Devil and Angel spoke. Yeah, I know, Angel was all proper and Devil talked like an angry white gansta, but it's all good, yo!

Still, I hope you all enjoyed it! I would really love to know what you think and reviews are always welcome!! Thanks to everyone who has supported this story and left me reviews! You're all so amazing!!!


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